No, no, I obviously did a really bad job of explaining what I meant, and did my colleagues an injustice in the process (on the subject of the mastectomy question)! In fact I’ve got the opposite situation, which is that everyone is far too polite to ask outright what I had done, and whether I had a mastectomy, but on a couple of occasions it has come out in conversation that that’s what people assume - because they think that’s what always happens.
So it’s frustrating because how do you suddenly blurt out “I didn’t have to have a tit removed” just because you see their eyes drifting down to chest level? Hence my GP banning me from giving everyone a flash in the middle of the open plan office!
I agree 100% about being open and up front about the BC, that’s what I did before I went off sick and since I’ve returned to work, so my closer colleagues all know, it’s those people you bump into occasionally who are more of a problem, because you don’t know them as well.
Sarah x
Maybe a t-shirt with ‘these are both the ones I was born with’ on, underneath your work shirt… then you’re not really flashing…lol
Or perhaps just a small badge that says “They’re both mine!”
Or even “They’re both real, even if the hair isn’t” if you’re wearing a wig…?
You’ve got the “three heads syndrome” thing going on, by the sound of things.
As soon as people knew i have been off with breast cancer their eyes alwasy dropped down to stare at my chest!! every single person! One actually asked have you still got your boob?! how brazen!
I spent almost 4mths telling people when they asked where i had been as its a big place and i only worked 2 days a week. like ground hog day…
I DID have mx - left breast gone forever, and have seen a t-shirt online with yellow triangle hazard warning and words to effect of ‘please excuse the mess, breast under construction’… which i quite fancy getting if I ever get around to recon…
Mmmm. I think I may have crossed a boundary. I have been showing people my mx scar(not had reconstruction) in my office at work. I interpret peoples questions as being inquistative so I give em a quick peak. So far I have only had positive comments but I guess it would be difficult to say anything else when they are put in that situation. Strangely once they’ve had a peak they stop asking questions, probably out of fear.
Yes I did consider the T-shirt option as being less radical than actually flashing my boobs! Something like “yes these tits are both real”!
It’s when the eyes drift downward that I struggle with my natural instinct to be very blunt and outspoken.
If I’d lost my hair then I probably wouldn’t get the “oh I haven’t seen you for a while where have you been?” type comments, but lucky me didn’t have chemo.
Evie - glad to know it doesn’t just happen to me.
Triphazard - love your T-shirt version.
Sarah x
P.S. Evie - I hope this doesn’t carry on for 4 months, like you I work in a big company.
Hi AlexD
I thought I was up front but you take the biscuit! Are your colleagues mostly women? Mine are 90% men so they get all tongue tied and embarrassed, but still do the “eyes down” thing.
I’ve shown a couple of female friends the results of the surgery since I’m so pleased with it (combined boob job and lumpectomy and a match on the other side) but have drawn the line at males apart from my OH!
Sarah x
Hi Cheshirecheese,
Yes a lot of my colleagues are women. You are correct though both sexes eyes can drift when they realise you’ve had a mx.
Hi AlexD
Yes, definitely happens with both men and women. Most people who haven’t got any recent knowledge of BC treatment (which seems to be most people) assume that the common treatment is MX - but that assumption’s at least 10 or 15 years out of date.
Hello everyone, been reading all your posts about the boob thing. I’ve only got one at the moment, hopefully I have the other reconstructed at some point. I’ve only noticed one person at work stare at my chest, I stared at him back with the best “your a complete ass…” look I could muster. It did cross my mind, my false boob is still the one with stuffing in, of using it as a pin cushion at work - think the sight of me pushing pins in my boob would completely fox’em!!
Myfanwy
Myfanwy, you could always stare hard at his crotch and see how comfortable he feels!
Choccie, he’s a little portly so it might be trickey!!
Myfanwy x
Really - well that would make a puzzled expression accompanying the stare even more appropriate!
(I’m sorry, that’s probably very naughty of me, but your reply really tickled me!)
Hi All,
I find it so sad that people are concerned with others knowing their business or people gossiping about you!!
When people asked me how was I, I asked them did they want to know the fluffed up version or the real version!
I showed people my toenails falling off in their stages, similarly the baldness (although not straight away)
I openly told people whether they wanted to know or not, that way… they had the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth!!
I found some people when I returned/visited to work either avoided me like the plague or spoke to me.
I spoke to those who didnt speak to me, to let them see I was still me.
There are no wrong or right answers, but for me the way I have dealt with it has been with honesty.
It informs people to what the real truth of cancer is like and not the nicey nice versions we see on TV and in mags etc…
All that said, you really do need to think that people… are usually frightened…I mean what do you say to someone who has/had cancer???..
I did not know what to say to my own brother in law when he had his and feel ashamed I did not understand what he went though at the time.
The males in work have laughed and joked with me (some times I coped, sometimes I did not) but found they were mindful and protective toward me, likewise the females.
Yes I have had a mastectomy, yes my hair, eyebrows and lashes are slowly growing back and yes…I’m still ALL WOMAN!!!
For me it was the lethargy and stiff joints that caused me more problems… not people!!!
Best of luck and I hope all goes well for those returning to work…
Gosh work makes me feel normal again and my colleagues treat me normal too!!
Hi everyone,
I haven’t returned to work yet as my onc wants me to go through one cycle of chemo before I return. I have however, been very open with all my colleagues (work in a large open plan office). When I was first dx I told a few of my close work friends in person, explained it wasn’t a secret, and in fact I would be grateful if they told folk if it came up in conversation so I didn’t have so many people to tell. Since then I have met up with a few folk for lunch, and yesterday went into the office to hand in my medical certicate. This may seem a bit odd but I spent the next hour ‘flashing’ my new and improved?? smaller boobs!! (Well I opened my jacket, no real flashing although I have showed them to many people). It’s human nature for folk to be ‘interested’ in whats happened, and they will try and sneak a peek, so I felt I had taken back some power by making a joke of it, and directing them to have a look, when I wanted them to. However, I’m not keen on telling everyone, every detail. The majority of colleagues were told that everything had gone quite well and that I was upbeat and positive about my future treatments. Basically they can know the overall picture, see my boobs have shrunk, but they have no right to know my every thought and feeling. Dx
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HI Norberte, DMh64, and everyone -
I have just started back very part time - its a bit odd cos I’m self emplyed but I have some “colleagues” and do a lot of work with groups around the country, some of whom I’ve never met before. So with colleagues I have taken much the same approach as you DMH64, giving people info but only so much, it seems to make people comfortable that the topic has been raised already. With new groups I’ve just said I’ve been off work a year and am on phased return and am tired. One group of GPs guessed and were falling over themselves to get me tea, biscuits etc - in the end I had to say leave me alone guys otherwise I don’t feel even half normal!
now facing the annual momogram thats such a pain for those of us with single mx…not sure I’ll bother trying to explain to anyone what mental chaos that wait causes.
cheers nicola
Congratulations on getting back to work, Moorcow. I hope you don’t take too long to discover your new “normal”.
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