Grade 2 invasive ductal carcinoma with axillary mets

I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago & have since had my pre op & Magseed implanted ready for my wide local excision. They called today & I’m booked in as a day patient for 4th July. The thing is, I’m a planner so all through this as long as I’ve had a date for something, I’ve been able to cope, so while waiting for my surgery date I struggled a little (really emotional, dark thoughts creeping in, waking at ridiculous times in the night/morning where these thoughts take over! My mum had breast cancer twice then lung cancer & she led a great example).

Now I’ve had my call to confirm the date of surgery, I find I’m a little mixed up? (I can’t put it into words) I want to get rid of this nasty desease yet I’m feeling strange, slightly sad that I won’t be fully ’all of me’? Probably doesn’t make sense to anyone else, as I say I can’t put it into words really. 

Then of course the waiting starts all over again for results & treatment plan. 

It’s times like this that you really miss your mum ?.

Am I being stupid or has anyone else felt this way too? Xx

You are not being stupid about how you feel whether anyone else has felt the same way or not. You are a unique person and entitled to feel the way you do. It’s sad to be facing surgery and uncertainty. At least I thought so. I don’t like the idea of losing part of my body and the reality isn’t that great either in my experience. Which may be why so many people feel anxious about getting breast cancer. We know the main treatment is removal of either the lump or the whole breast and that it is not going to be a picnic.

4th of July is Independence Day in the USA I believe. I don’t know whether that’s relevant or not. 

I would love your mum to be around to comfort you, let’s hope her example will help you get through a bit better than you would have done had she not been so positive in dealing with two kinds of cancer over a long period.

With all good wishes


@Seagulls thank you so much for your reply X I do have a great deal of support around me, my husband, sister, my 2 daughters & daughter in law but somebody hit the nail on the head when they said " I want to protect them as much as I can" even if they say they are ok.  

I think … Because I was so very calm for biopsy, results, pre op & Magseed, I just expected to be focused now I have a surgery date, but I wasn’t!  The more time I have I think I’ll come around (fingers crossed) . 

Thank you for your support & I hope all goes well with you X sending big hugs ? xxx

My mother is still alive at 96 but she’s got Alzheimer’s and I had to move her into a nursing home during my treatment as she fell and nearly died after having a heart incident and breaking her hip. I am also selling her house and trying to dispose of the contents. It never rains but it pours. Life goes on doesn’t it? 

good luck, not sure what Magseed is but it sounds highly technical!


Oh my good lord you are up against it ?

I’m so sorry that you have got all of this going on, when you really could do with just ’bring able to choose your extra challenges’ 

I hope that everything moves really quickly with as little stress as is possible ?

I wish you luck, good vibes & lots of positivity as well as great big virtual hugs ?

Good luck xxxx

Sorry in answer to ’magseed’ 

It’s a seed sized magnet that they implant into the tumor so that it’s easily located for surgery xxx

My husband was meant to go on a long distance walk coast to coast with our dog for three weeks. He came back after three nights after the dog got ill. I was in the middle of trying to go through my mother’s diaries about three a year since 1951. I began to think it would never end. It turned out the dog had been bitten by an adder. Since then we have gone back and fourth to a vet hospital an hour’s drive each way from us where she had round the clock care. The cost has been phenomenal. He now can’t go to any of my appointments because he has to stay with the dog. 

He also has OCD so I have had to hide away all the paperwork and things we cleared out of my mother’s house. I have yet to dispose of her furniture as no charity shops will take most furniture. The only things people seem to want are arts and crafts type things and good condition pieces. My mother didn’t look after her things at all. She had indoor plants in pots on top and watered them so that ruined the veneer on top.

I could get an axe to quite a lot of the stuff if it didn’t make me feel awful to be destroying her lovely house and its contents. She lived there for fifty years.


Is the eyesight of breast surgeons so bad they need someone with better sight to stick a radioactive magnet in the tumour?

Just asking