Growing a boob

Going through breast cancer treatment Surgery
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Little background - I was diagnosed with 13cm DCIS and 28mm IDC in April ER+ HER2+ and started chemotherapy in May. Pagets disease in the nipple and Location and size of the DCIS meant chemotherapy to remove the tumour and then full mastectomy for the DCIS. Followed by a bit of radiotherapy for the tri-fecta.

I got my mid MRI results yesterday and they show an incredible response from chemotherapy and the tumour is shrinking massively. Amazing news 

That’s the IDC sorted and surgery will go ahead in late September/October and will be single full mastectomy. 

Eating has been a struggle for me during diagnosis and then chemotherapy and teamed with a background of Eating Disorders which tried to creep back in at my lowest (and a love of running), I’ve lost weight and now don’t have enough tissue to reconstruct - (yet?)

I realised in my 3am wake up that I’d spent weeks convincing myself a double mastectomy would be better than single for symmetry instead of facing the actual solution of gaining weight to have enough tissue to reconstruct immediately. I’ll admit I barely have enough subcutaneous fat to find somewhere to do my GCF injections ?

I shan’t bore with the rant about how vain and silly I feel about that, or kid myself that one 3am epiphany will solve it forever. But I needed a safe space to verbal dump what I don’t want to dump on my friends - again. And again.

I hate the cliché advice and words from friends “Just have ice cream and cake for every meal” “chips with everything” “add full fat yoghurt to everything” and the favourite- “omg you can eat whatever you like for weeks and get a free tummy tuck”

I KNOW what to eat to gain weight. I have the supplement weight gain drinks which I hid in the cupboard and refused to accept they existed… i know the solution is eat more, gain weight, Live a life with two breasts instead of being so vain and facing a life feeling potentially self conscious at having one breast than temporarily staying thin. But mentally it is so hard.

I know that whatever weight I gain will make me happy in the long run, stronger to recover etc etc. But I don’t understand why I can’t actually do it when it comes to it.

I’ve smashed chemotherapy, faced every turn with dignity so far, why is this throwing me?! 

I’ve got an appointment with the plastic surgeon on Monday to discuss options, so I suppose we’ll see what they say if it’s even going to be possible to gain enough by October…?

And here I am placing another pause on gaining incase they say no anyway. I’m such a fool. ? 

I don’t suppose I know what advice I even need, just why is this so hard? 

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Hugs. You sound very conflicted. 

Have you considered an implant instead? 

Trying to grow a boob instinctively doesn’t sound like a good idea to me. You can’t guarantee that you’d gain weight in one specific place to take it from- I’m not at all slender but have been told I don’t have enough tummy fat for DIEP but my thighs would be no problem. You may end up more unhappy with your shape and tbh it sounds like managing your ED while undergoing BC treatment is giving you enough to mentally handle at the moment. Triggering your ED either by gaining or by being scared of gaining is not going to help you. 

if you had an implant would you be able to see that as a logical reason to maintain a stable weight? Ie could you actually use it to help motivate you to keep the ED to the background? I know that wouldn’t work for everyone but might be worth thought. 

Do you have any ED support and can you get any? It sounds like it would be useful for you. Can you take someone along to your plastic surgeon appointment who understands EDs and can help you explain your thoughts (because lots of medics don’t get it, in the same way your friends don’t!). 

Good luck xxx

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Hi Crawfy 

 I’m hardly qualified to answer this but the title of your post intrigued me and having read it I wish I could give you an actual hug rather than just a virtual one. 

I can’t help you with your surgery dilemma but  @Teela  has given you some really good advice . I would echo her advice about getting specialist help for your ED as I also think your BC / Onc team won’t get it though it’s hardly surprising that having BC has triggered you.

I have the opposite problem to you , and BC triggered me too. I’ve been significantly overweight for a long time I lost weight prior to surgery / radio but after treatment ( and my Dad passed away )I piled on weight and became even heavier. I took control I’m losing weight whilst eating well but I worked up to it by making better choices a few at a time initially to support me to feel more energised.

 I’m wondering if a similar approach could help you ? The people who are telling you to eat ice cream and chips are probably doing so because that’s what they think they would like to do if they could - it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you it just means they can’t help but project their own issues onto you just a little bit. Eating junk obviously isn’t the answer - I don’t know if you’re still running but there must be foods and drinks that you used to help you with your strength and stamina for running . Thinking about eating to grow a boob is a lot of pressure but thinking about what to eat to support you to do something you love might help you.

It may be a huge oversimplification but I hope it’s of some help and I’m wishing you all the best. 

Joanne x

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Hi @Crawfy,

It sounds like you are going through a lot emotionally (ED as well as BC). I can’t provide any advice re: ED, though I’d agree with Teela that it would be good if you are able to get support from someone who has the knowledge needed while going through this journey. 

I thought I’d share what I was told when I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon earlier this year when I had to make a decision on reconstruction prior to my mastectomy; this is in response to the approach you’ve mentioned about “gaining weight/fat to enable a DIEP reconstruction”. 

As I didn’t have sufficient tummy fat for a DIEP, I was told that a combination of thighs (PAP) + tummy fat (DIEP) could be considered for reconstruction (with the possibility of fat grafting after). I had already eliminated the implant option due to a number of reasons but if viable for you its perhaps worth discussing when you have your appointment next week. The plastic surgeon also brought up the point of putting on weight, but said that wouldn’t really be effective when it came to a single mastectomy, because both breasts would increase in size when gaining weight, so thereby they wouldn’t be able to get symmetry with the existing breast (unless a breast reduction were to be done as well, but didn’t suggest this for me) when reconstructing. A lot was discussed during that appointment, and I ultimately decided to delay reconstruction as the options weren’t straight-forward & I felt overwhelmed trying to make an immediate decision.

It was the first big decision I had to make in my cancer journey. While I felt relief after speaking to the plastic surgeon to get the information I needed to help me decide, I was a bit of wreck until that appointment where I couldn’t understand why I found it so difficult. So while I don’t really know why it is so hard (each of us will have our own reasons - personally I don’t believe it’s vanity), I can say you aren’t alone in feeling that way.

Take care, be kind to yourself. Sending positive vibes your way for your appointment next week. xx

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@TDG @Teela thank you for your kind words and support.

I really appreciate both of you sharing your own stories and experience, it is so helpful as its such new territory for me.

I do have my ED team and counselling and that’s helping with understanding why I feel so helpless and to tackle the long term trauma. That will continue for a while I hope.

For a few reasons I can’t have an implant so it’s diep or nothing really, and ideally I want diep. I need to put weight on regardless of that though as I am currently underweight and to give my body the best chance of recovering from all three treatments I need to be in better health. I think maybe the prospect of no breast and realisation of the situation I’d put myself in was a trigger to kick myself into touch.

I know weight doesnt distribute how we want it or need it and I’m can’t count on a few more pounds changing my surgery prognosis but I absolutely am focused on the few more pounds hopefully saving my life:)

My team did mention that the tissue could be taken from multiple places but I’m frightened of so much scarring…

I suppose I have to take positive in the fact I have finally owned up to my struggle and that regardless of the surgery appointment outcome, extra weight will help me in the long run in so many ways.

Let’s see what happens Monday… 

Thanks so much again x

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Hi Crawfy,

Thought I’d throw my two pennies of experience in the ring for you to ask your plastic surgeon about.  I had a double mastectomy with reconstruction last February.  Like you I did not have enough fat on my tummy for a DIEP flap reconstruction.  However, I was able to use my own body fat for both breast reconstructions via a TUG flap.  This where they take the flap from the back of your upper inner thigh / under your buttock - your scar will follow your underwear line.  If like me you carry any excess pounds below your waist this maybe an option for you.  DIEP is the more popular as the plastic surgeons like the nice soft fat for making new breasts, but the TUG flap is a common route as well for those where a DIEP isn’t practical.   The recovery time is wee bit longer but I have zero regrets with my decision.

If you would like some more details about my experience feel free to send me an email.

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Thank you @teije 

Unfortunately I have little to nothing anywhere:( the perils of being a competitive runner and then facing low appetite and eating issues through this on top of that…

They have said they may take from both the stomach and thighs if needs be - a heck of a lot of healing though.

I went to see the surgeon last week who was very supportive and understanding and is doing what she can to get me a reconstruction I can be happy (ish) with. It may be vain, but the images of non reconstruction made me so scared and sad. Definitely more so than the scar images, and gave me a determination to get reconstruction. And I’m a determined f*cker when I have a goal…!

She has of course asked me to put on as much weight as I can so as I’m in my good week for appetite and energy, I’m giving it a good go - and mostly positively. Things like adding my supplement shakes, bigger portions, grazing. Little ways to gain even a pound before I’m back to her on Monday. So she can see im trying at least!

There are 2 further surgeons seeing me on Monday to discuss options and I want them to see that I can gain the weight to make this damn boob.

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I saw my plastic surgeon again and her colleagues for further advice and they’ve said that they don’t see the DIEP being an option at initial surgery. They’ve suggested that as I still have two rounds left to go and a short window to be in the healthiest position for it that what they’d rather is a mastectomy with a temporary implant and retaining the skin. But I will then need to return to have the skin removed and DIEP then.

It’s all very confusing as I was told I couldn’t keep the skin due to Pagets disease and the size and proximity of the DCIS to my skin, and also radiotherapy afterwards but I suppose as its a two stage process their concerns are lessened *shrug*

It feels like a bit of a kick, which is strange as I am still getting a reconstruction but having to have two surgeries, two periods off work, asymmetry for a long time. And my hope of being done in 2023 is also gone… I know the surgery is to save my life but I didn’t ask for it! 

I suppose now there’s not as much pressure to gain such a lot of weight in such a short time, I can do it slowly and more mentally manageable now. But then I hangs over me for such a long time too.

Why does even a positive feel negative sometimes ? I am normally so positive, I hate spiralling into sadness and worst case-ing but it’s overwhelming sometimes x

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I think I know a little bit of what you’re feeling.
I’m a weight loss surgery patient !! Last surgery (bypass) 10 months before my breast cancer diagnosis !!!
Struggling to eat enough since diagnosis, due mainly to anxiety I suspect. Fortunately I’m still in the normal weight bracket, but as now facing chemo and radiotherapy possibly, and would like to have my knobbly lumpectomy evened up with fat injection, I don’t want to lose anymore weight.
Madness that 12 months ago I was having an operation to make me lose weight !!!
It’s hard, I try and prioritise protein and snack on nuts and cheese, which I find easier than trying to eat big meals or high fat foods.
My mantra is try and consider the nutritional value of everything you put in your mouth :person_shrugging:
It’s a mad mad world :heart:

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