Katemate,
you really don’t need all thia added stress on top of everything else.
I hope you have a nice place to go to??
We have been quite lucky as far as the credit crunch goes as Steve sells fish and people still need to eat!!.
Glad you are able to keep Bertie!.
More news on Marble they said she was really poorly yesterday but is a bit brighter today but she is still on a drip and as far as the infections (they predict)it’s far too early yet, they said they have taken quite alot of her intestine away.
I slept 13 hours again !! Ive never slept so much and Jordan woke me up at 1pm, so don’t know how much I would have slept for if I had woken up on my own??.
Steve has just seen his friend Diane who also has BC she is 1 cycle behind me so Steve was telling her I do nothing but sleep!!
I’m getting ready for my next lot on Wednesday now .
Jo hope your’s goe’s ok on Monday is that your last one?? I know we started at the same time but I think your having 3x3??.
Shelly is the rads like sunburn? I wonder if it has the same effect as the sun? (I’m allergic to sunlight !!) thats all.
Gail where you gone? hope your getting on ok?
Bright hope you enjoy your shopping !! lol love caron xx
Sorry to hear katemate, all your troubles! It never rains it pours!
I know as my husband is a finance broker, so he’s not earnt a single penny for the last three months. he has no shortage of clients wanting to borrow money but the pproblem is that no banks want to lend it, so everything is grinding to a halt. Extra stress for him as he coming to all my hospital apps with me as well as looking after our 3 little ones when I’m not up to it, so i don’t know how much more he can take, stress wise! I worry a lot about him because he never wants to worry me about anything and I think sometimes, he is so busy trying to protect me that he doesn’t look after himself, I’m scared he’s gonna suddenly crack up! worrying times for all of us financially as well as healthwise, good though that it means you can spend time with your daughter and kids, every cloud and all that!!
Bright, can’t believe you,ve managed to keep your hair, that’s amazing. you should be ok now as I think you go onto Tax next and most peoples hair seems to start growing back on that!
Caron, thinking about poor Marble, hope she’s ok. Yes, my last one Mon then rads start 27th April.
Shelly, how much do rads hurt then? How many sessions you having? I’ve got 20! I thought it would be easy after chemo, I didn’t realise that it would hurt, not much looking forward to that now!
Gail, when do you start the tamoxifen? Think I start end of April, keep reading horrid things about SE’s on that and am still deciding if to have Xelodex( think that’s what it’s called) injections as well?!!
Take care ladies and everyone else I’ve not mentioned. Got to go and do my 30 mins on Wii fit before kids get back from a party and fight me for it!!!
Hi all,
well really tired tonight (again) off to bed soon just reading some other posts (freddiecider) kind of get exumed by it all !!!
Feel really depressed (when will it end , but I know it never will now).
Then I look at ppl like Shelly and think how selfish am I???
when I know things could be alot worse, but then I think this is worse living in this nighmare of BC !!!.
Hate my life now I said to Steve “if I die cos of this weather now or in a couple of years time” he will remember me like this not how I was… beautiful with really long hair how I would want him to remember me …
Sorry for being depressive it’d just how I feel atm Caronx
Oh Caron, you really are down. I won’t say anything to even try to cheer you up - you probably just need to roll with it for now. But lot of luv’n’hugs.
You are still beautiful… beauty is more than long hair… inner beauty is what matters. And there is none to compare with you in your lovely pink hat.
The fear of the disease is always there… I know we all try to remain positive about how we are getting on in our treatments. But any ache, pain, cough, feeling of tiredness…we all think don’t we: it is the disease coming back or spreading. The statistics are harsh. In the cold light of day I know that I have a 1 in 3 chance of not making it to 5 years. Much higher than the people on my team at work. Things can never be the same again, with the dark cloud of uncertainty hanging over us.
But for the sake of our loved ones and the alloted time we have on this planet - we have to carry on and work through this. A small step at a time, another puzzle in the book for you Caron, another rads treatment for you Shelly, another draining of the Seroma for you Andie, another day with Bertie for you Kathy. We have to carry on as best as we can, for as long as we can.
I love old black and white films - with Now Voyager being among my favourites with the late, great Bette Davis. At the end of the film -
Bette looks into the eyes of the leading male - and she says to him - “why ask for the moon Gerry when we can have the stars”…
it is about accepting what we have and learning to make the best of it.
Oh Bright, how I wish I could think like you, but I have to say I’m on a real downer myself this morning and have sobbed most of it about everything to do with this bloody disease! I’m with Caron on this one and Michael is always telling me to think positivly and make the best and most of every moment as none of know how long we’ve got, he could get run over by a bus tomorrow and I must think positivly for his and the kids sake, but you you know what at the moment I can’t. I’m so terrified that I’ve still got it somewhere lurking in my system and if I do then it might not show on all the scans in the world and I know that I have to live the rest of my life, however long or short looking over my shoulder wondering when it’s going to raise it’s ugly head again!Not to mention living with hideous side effects of different drugs that I’ll be on and all the problems that in itself brings and I just crave for the old me back again. I’m sure all of us feel like this at times, then I think how dare I, when Shelly is having to deal with her prognosis. I’m sorry everyone to bang on, today is a very bad day and when I feel like this I just really miss my lovely Dad and that just makes it all a whole lot worse.
Still must pull myself together as have promised kids we;ll go on a bike ride as the sun is shinning, but all i really want to do is go back to bed and pull the duvet over my head!
Have a lovely day everyone and don’t be all maudly and depressing like me, it’s no fun for anyone!!
Jo XX
Bright wish I could write like you too your so poetic!!
That is how I was feeling at the time,I know beauty is within and all that but I hate the way I look now I know I’m vain!!
I hate what this has done to me visually and physically! not just even me though my whole family has changed along with it .
I wish the moderators on here had a strand for people that had made it! but there is none , and also I think they should have a strand of the ladies pics and so on of all the lovely ladies that never made it, something like a memorial wall.
Steve was busy yesterday so we never got anything for dinner today I mean meat (pork,beef,chicken) so we ended up with pies, mind you I don’t mind .
Hope you all remembered about youe clocks???
I might sit in the sun soon and play a game of frustration with Steve (try and bring my head round!)Love Caronxx
Kathy- Sorry to hear youve got to move house and things arnt going too well for you.Asv if you havnt enough to deal with. Thinking of you…xx
Caron- Hope Marble pulls through the op,when will you hear any news on her?
If i could i would sneak you into my suit case to Egypt…
The Rads are like having an x-ray,you dont feel a thing,that is until you go to bed…the skin stings like youve been in the sun with no lotion on and looks very red.
Im having 15 sessions of the Rads, i thought i might have more than that but obviously not…My Onc has given up on me already!!!
Bright- Hope you have a fab time away…Rest and Relax…
Ladies, dont feel selfish and guilty when you feel down and depressed because of me. We all have to deal with this shit the best we can and if you want to rant and rave and shout and scream then do so…i will be right there behind you all.We all have to let steam off now and then, i know i do and have done these last few weeks…My poor hubby!!!
Well I am now resting in a nice hotel in Newcastle near the majestic arches of the railway station. The journey took ages and had to change trains at York, and then got diverted to Leeds, and then there were signalling problems… track problems. I’ll stop now - but put simply we started off at 2pm and ended up here after 7pm. Still have just come in from a Italian meal (almost palatable - meatballs in watery sauce on nearly raw/al dente rice) and had a look at Grace Street billed as the most perfect Victorian Street in Europe.
Going to have a lie down now - as I got my clocks wrong yesterday and ended up going to bed at 4 in the morning… so thinking I’ll sleep well tonight.
Jo/Caron - wish I was really brave, I am not to be honest and am very scared much of the time…
Shelley - hoping next ONC will be more sympathetic - your current one sounds unreasonable to put it mildly. And perhaps you should ask on the 1st about the length of time for the rads course.
Shelly,
I hope they haven’t given up on you !if they have get another opinion as you say you thought they would give you more rads, so why can’t they???.
Marble not good news at all today !! they say she is healing well and all the bowel that kept coming out has been removed BUT she has prolapsed AGAIN !! I think we will have to put her to sleep?? The vet said she can do 1 more operation to remove more but then she won’t be able to perfom proper, so I don’t know whats going to happen I just know it’s really bad for her to prolapse after the op.
She put another stitch in and she started vomiting again (cos of the stitch) she is removing it tomorrow , I think the vets are at a loss as what to do now, I think they will advice putting her to sleep?
As she can’t live like this I think Steve wants to put her to sleep now??? he said it’s not fair on her, I know that but it’s such a stupid thing to have to put her to sleep cos of this, when she was a healthy cat.
We had a good day today - went to Hexham which is the largest town in Northumberland. The abbey has some interesting Saxon grave covers and a set of stone steps which go up to a viewing platform. The best part of the day was a visit to the town’s jail - now a museum, but it is noted as the country’s earliest purpose built prison. There is glass lift which goes right down into the dungeons - but it is too dangerous to get out so there is just a commentry before the lift whisks visitors back to the ground floor again. We went to a teashop this afternoon which sold lemon meringue pie - which I just had to order as it is my most favourite pudding in the world. But I was a little disappointed as the lemon part was not lemony/tart enough and the meringue topping was more like a baked sugar shell rather than a marshmallowy pillow - still it was nice to be away on holiday and in a teashop… learning to be grateful about smaller things these days.
Caron Sorry to hear Marble’s not good! We’re having the same conversaton here this evening about my cat Ziggy who is now my mum’s since I left home all those years ago. He’s almost 17 which is quite good age for a cat but thought they could go on longer. He’s got so many problems and the vet has told Mum that she’ll know when the right time is to take him in to be put down,but as she says it’s very difficult because he’s still purring so he must be happy. I know it’s selfish but it’s our last link with Dad as well as he used to be his lap cat and ziggy really pined for my Dad when he died. It’s just so sad, our pets are a huge part of our families aren’t they. Mum is torn between me and coming 2 hours away up here to look after me and the family whilst I have chemo and the poor cat back at home on his last legs, a friend of hers is staying at the house to look after him and has phoned tonight to say he’s really not good. Think she will go home tomorrow to make the dreaded decision!!
Anyway had my last chemo today, they did decide to give me last TAX as thought it was more important to finish the course and suffer the consequenses so am ready for allergic reaction again around day 11/12. Had piriton and hydracortisone intraveniously half an hour before they started the TAX and thankfully no nasty reaction this time!
Caron, don’t forget to take your steroids tomorrow in prep for wednesday!
Bet Ziggy is named after David Bowie?? (Ziggy Stardust)?I was his biggest fan ! been to see him a few times now !!.We even had a dog called Ziggy but he’s dead now.
Ive told Steve not to mention putting Marble to sleep (as we are meant to take vets advice) and I have made it clear now that I do not want Marble being put down if it can be avoided?? (hope so) just seems so silly to have her put down for this, mind you I know she can’t live like this, if she were a human she would have a bag fitted but alas she is not.
My nephew came today with his son who is nearly 2 and he really hurt Betty ! ( I was so annoyed ) we couldn’t get him off her and she was yelping like mad poor thing! then he went and threw my nanna’s cup on the floor (she’s dead now) luckily it never broke!
Poor Betty has been shaking ever since , she is traumertised!!
Jo I remembered my steroids Ive got them ready !! (oh lucky me no sleep for me for the next few days then !).
Glad you have finished your last one now Jo what do you do next? Rads? love Caronx
Yes indeed, his full name is in fact Ziggy Startdust, I went thru a realy big Bowie stage when I was younger!
Yes CT planning scan to get tattooed up on 20th April to start 27th April and start Tamoxifin at same time. have been asked to take part in SOFT trial, supressed Ovarian Function Trial. Thinking really hard about it, really not sure which way I’m gonna go at the mo!
Must go now and try and sleep, hardly got any last night with the damned steroids. Picked up a couple of relaxtion cd’s from OT dept today to see if they help. Have burned them onto laptop and now synched to ipod, get me all techno!!!
Afternoon Ladies,
Steve rang about Mabsies they said she has had a poo but is still very poorly ( I wonder if she has got the infection? ) got to ring tomorrow.
Ive got my bloods today and started my steroids this morning, I was really tired this morning so after I got kids off to school I went back to bed ! my mam was worried cos I had bolted the front door and she couldn’t get in and she thought the dog would have messed but I said to her I left the kitchen door open so Betty can go out the catflap!.
I will write later after I have been to hospital . bye love me
Good Evening Ladies,
well what a day ! firstly my mam came with me (as Steve away) at the bus stop I blew my nose and I said " my nose keeps running because I don’t have any hairs in my nose now" she absolutely burst out laughing so I looked at her and she said " Oh I thought that was really funny"!!
I said " well not really is it?"!! then there was deathly silence!!!
Then I go to see the chemo nurse and nurse says " how you been?" I said "well I had a really bad throat “so my Mam pipes up " you have only been well for the last 5 days”!!
I said “don’t be telling her that (nurse)”.
Thing is mo matter how ill I am with it I would rather have it that them think it’s too much for me and reduce the dose!!.
Not only all that the nurse starts feeling my right breast (bearing in mind I am a LEFTIE!) so she says " oh I really think that is…
She was going to say going down !!! I said " thats the wrong one"!!
She was so embarrassed I could tell, she is a really nice person but this is MY life!! and then she says it’s shrunk to 8 x 8 1/2!!
Before she said it was 7 1/2 x8 (so it’s obviously grown??)
no not really I think all this is just guesstamating???.
Also on the EC i was on I kept saying to her it’s not shrinking and she said it was today she said " I really think this TAX is working cos I think the EC had stopped working"!!!
How do we believe these ppl when they contradict themselves so much??
So thats my day confused yet again !!! love Caronxx
I’m really low today. Spent the weekend in hospital…sigh! After feeling better and almost my old self on Friday and Sat morning, we went out for lunch and then i went all peculiar and dizzy. Anyway after 4 dizzy spells, a near faint, an ambulance, 3 panic attacks, a high high temp, a visit to A&E, prodings by surgeons…I end up in the renal ward at the hospital. (No beds in oncology). So unhappy. They thought I had an infection, but couldn’t find it! They didn’t really know what to do with me!!
Had a horrid stay in hospital, got out yesterday evening and had to do a full day there today with oncology appt, yet another draining session and a herceptin loading dose (so had to wait to see if i reacted). Got Tamoxifen and heard the list of side effects…sigh! They also told me my rads planning appt wsn’t until May!!! Thought I would be doing rads by then…so annoyed and trying to bring forward.
Meant to be applying for a job (very veyt p/t and starting in Oct), but closing date today and too tired so hubbie is cross with me and generally cross with my mood. Looked up survival stats for bc and wished I hadn’t. Best friend is meant to be coming this weekend, but i don’t want to see her even though I love her, because I am jealous of her normal life. How awful am I???
Sorry to throw all this at you…just needed to rant…and feeling sorry for myself. I know many people worse off than me, but see many peole having normal lives too!! Well…my nutter doc will have his hands full this week that’s all i can say.
Caron - I’ve been very furstrated with all the differences in measurements. I seemed to go up and down and found it all very depressing in the end.
Oh Caron, You poor thing! I can relate to you on both scores! First of all mothers!, My mum says to me when I was blubbing about my eyebrows and eyelashes coming out, that my eyebrows could do with thinning out anyway! I mean how insensitive can you be?
Then yesterday, I had Onc telling me that my allergic reation that I had a day 11/12/13 was due to Docetaxal, but the chemo nurse on the ward then told me that she thought my reaction was to the GSCF i injection that i had day after chemo last time and I have to say that I think that the nurse is right. Michael gave me the shot at half past 5 this afternoon and rash has appeared on my stomach already!! Then you start thinking oh my goodness I just believe evrything these health professionals tell us, and as you say this is our lives, but sometimes I don’t know who to believe! At the end of the day I was misdiagnosed by two different surgeons and it was the scanning nurse who said to me that she didn’t like the look of it and could she take a sample and her who ultimately started the ball rolling with the treatment!