Well all ok atm (MARBLE).
Well that was 400(almost) worth paying for her!!!as long as she doesn’t do it again, the vet said if she lasts this weekend she thinks she will be ok, I was right she never wanted to do the operation she didn’t think she would pull through it, but she said she’s healing nicely and cos it was the colon it’s hard to mend.
Just got her meowing cos she wants to go out but she can’t yet.
I am feeling pretty Crappy at this time!!
I have pains in my knees pain in my arms pains all over really, getting sore throat already got thrush Not downstairs yet though!
Tongue feels like slime (don’t you just hate that!).
I bet on the national !! I got 2nd & 3rd EW (each way) not surprising really I always win (well one of us does) with all the horses I let the kids pick!!.
Owen won £13 one year he was dead chuffed !!.
I watched poor Jades funeral today very sad to think of her gone at 27 years old , her life should just be beginning really.
Not in a good place tonight noone commented on my nurse thinking my rightie was my cancer breast btw ( I think it is terrible )
love to all love Caron xxxxxxxxxx
Feeling very tired - so excuse the typos but thought I’d write a few lines about my day.
It started grey and unpromising up north - and so decided to go to the Beamish Museum of Northern Life rather than a coastal place. On the way we passed The Angel of the North - which I found to be truly scary and supernatural rather than an inspiring protective figure that I think Gormley had planned. On the way back, when I knew she was coming up again, I quickly turned away - but still felt terrified. Reminded me of the time I was in a big museum in Toronto - in a room filled with giant statues of gods, deities and religious icons and I felt completely overwhelmed. I had to be helped out of the room as I was on the point of fainting…
The Beamish museum was really worth the visit - and occupied a very large site. The best parts were the trip around the colliery including walking into a mine shaft, and going into various cottages and back to back houses and seeing how people lived in 1913 and 1860 - the kitchens and the pantries were my favourite parts - and also the bathrooms. I have been to several open air museums (including Weald and Downland - and Amberley - both in Sussex) - but this one was really the best.
This evening we had chicken and chips from a Northern chip shop to complete our Newcastle experience. Then OH went off on his own to go ‘clubber watching’ in Bigg Market - not a place to visit after dark: He was back within and hour as he said it was too cold to be out.
Marble prolapsed AGAIN this morning!! so we have had to take her to the blue cross as our vets are not open, the vet there said " he’s done 2 successful ops for Marbles illness on 2 persians ( hope he’s not calling my Mabs a alley cat!).
Anyway he said "it’s really hard to get a good outcome , but I am hoping with a fresh pair of eyes ???/
God I am going to be a pauper soon !!!.
Me & Chloe were crying this morning cos I felt so ill and I am sick of feeling like this (when will it end??).
JO how you doing now?? still bad? know I am!
kept thinking of Jade Goody through the night all blooming night just thinking one minute your here next your gone!! vamoosh!!
I will try and cheer mysen up but I don’t feel like it !! soz love Caronxxxxxxxxxx
Oh Caron
I know it never rains it pours! Horrible things always happen when you feel too ill to cope with it. That’s why I felt so tearful about Ziggy having to be put down, even though I knew his quality of life was so poor this last week and it was the kindest thing, it’s just hard to let him go! I to have been thinking about Jade and Wendy Richard and now Zigs and it just makes you think exactly that, here one minute, gone the next! What’s it all for???
Going back to your comment on Nurse getting wrong breast, I thought i did comment because yes you’re right it’s appauling!!! But also not surprising as in our family , we’ve been seriously failed by health professionals twice and so it’s very hard then when you become ill yourself to then trust what they say, especially when I myself was misdiagnosed twice! But at the end of the day we have trust them and hope that they are doing all they can to help us, otherwise what else have we got??
Day 7 for me and feel worse today than yesterday! Am having trouble sleeping now because of hot flushes! Is anyone else getting these on tax? I haven’t even startted Tomoxifen yet so I’ll be having them all the time then! I’m also worried about my hair, AGAIN!!!Katemate said some people go permantly bald on TAX and although I can see some hair growing, it’s not coming thru all the holes that it should be?? What about you Caron, how is yours doing? I think i might be one those permanent baldies what do you think? Feeling really tearful again!
Jo XX
I’m writing my post on the train going back to London, and have just set off from Newcastle on a warm sunny afternoon - with a million thoughts running through my head - all fuelled by events of the last year. My head is in a whirlwind: Newcastle inspires Catherine Cookson tangled romances; and the docks that once harboured disease and bear testimony to the men who lost their lives at sea remind me of mankind’s constant battle between health and sickness, life and death. And the bridges are spectacular - the main Tyne bridge, well it is like the Brooklyn bridge in NYC. Many happy memories from there - walking over it on Sunday mornings - with the wrought iron sparkling in the sunshine.
How many holidays - do I have left? I feel so unhappy at times: what have I achieved in life? Is the purpose we are here on the planet simply to live, reproduce and die?? No different from bees or ants really or other social creatures. What have I contributed to the world - and who will remember me…? Just some thoughts on a Sunday afternoon. In my early 40s - and think I am going through my midlife crisis.
I so, so hope Marble recovers - as we all do - and that our suffering through our various treatment programmes is not in vain…
JO don’t worry about your hair look on youtube there are some ladies on there after finishing chemo ,
I have heard that some women do not grow their hair back and it is patchy, but I would think thats the minority.
My hair is growing but as you said it doesn’t seem to be coming out of all the folicles, I think this will take time, have you got some longer than others???.
My hair looks blonde still !!but it seems to be darkening the longer it grows.
Hey have you got any underarm hair yet??? I have I can only just see it!!
Soon you will have lots of hair !!
The health professions treat us terrible really!!!
I have just asked Steve to go get me some fruit chews !! (yum) don’t know why just fancied them.
Poor Bright back to the hum drum again for you!!! (work).
Marble has had her op (yet again) and it went ok our vets are picking Mabs up in the morning.
I feel so down on this TAX at least with the EC (fec) you were ok after a couple of days!!! this seems never ending and still 2 more to go!!.
Been asleep this afternoon (well sort of) hope everyone is ok and WE ALL feel like young spring chickens in the morning!! love Caronx
Following on from your posts about hair growing following chemo. My hair is growing back longer in some places than others and yesterday just to try an even it up a bit a friend who is a hairdresser cut some of it for me!! It is till very very short but is obviously growing. The girl who is the hairdresser said that some peoples hair comes back in patches with obviously bald bits, at least mine seems to be coming back in all the right places if a bit thin and fine.The fact that it is now absolutely white will be ok when it has grown but in sunshine I still look bald. I have eyebrows again and am going to treat myself to having them plucked at a salon soon to get the shape right. I also have eyelashes again - once they started to grow I was amazed at the speed.
Welcome home Bright, you abviously had the same line of thoughts while you were away as I did, will I come here again? I just want to be around long enough for my granddchildren to remember me. They are my legacy to the world. My 5 little angels.
Caron Poor Marble I really hope that she is OK this time.
Jo I agree with you that we have to trust the health professionals because there is no one else to turn to. When they make mistakes, and they do sometimes, I do not believe that they do it intentionally, they are just human like the rest of us.
Kate did you carefully count the number of posts on our thread. I am impressed.
hi all,
Andie, the number of posts are under our ‘hair loss’ topic. My hair is growing quite evenly, but not quickly enough for me. My eyebrows and lashes are also returning.
I’m sorry if I startled anyone about permanent hair loss. This is highly unlikely and I only knew about it from 1 or 2 posts on here.
Caron, sorry Marble has prolapsed again. I really hope she’ll be ok this time. I found I felt worse on tax and can’t say I had many good days, but looking back it was soon over.
Jo, don’t feel tearful about your hair, mine came back gradually at first, and patchy. But I’m pretty confident it will be alright. My nails are a different matter. I painted them black on tax and they are still awful and I’m probably going to lose them.
Pleased Bright, you had a good few days. It’s nice to get away.
Love to all, Kathy
Katemate and Andie, can i ask when you actually finished your last TAX? Need to know if I’m a bit premature in worrying about the hair but i definately think I’ve got a problem, will speak to ONC next week to see if mine looks normal or not? I think not.
Jo XXX
JO don’t forget you have only just had your last tax, although some peoples hair grows back on it some people may lose it on it.
You are so early days yet mine is sparse still so I am not worrying yet.
I think you have to give it time to recover as it never fell out all at once.
There are only a few people who’s hair isn’t growing back proper I think they have a petition going the lady is called pineapple.
Marble: the vets wants to speak to Steve about options (I think to say if it happens again they will put her down??) such a stupid thing to have her put down for …
Shelly when do you go to the marsden??
hope everything goes ok…
More news on Mabs … they have her sedated now waiting for the go ahead either on putting dye through her to see if there is an obstruction (but she doesn’t think so) or do an explority operation to see if they can find out what it wrong. But she thinks her sphinx muscle is not working as it should and she said if she takes more of her bowell it will happen again so no point in doing that.
I think the desicion might be taken from us?? she might not get through this she has been trough so much now…
love caron xx
Poor Marble, she really is going through it.
Jo, my hair started growing back after I finished tax,not before and although I could see some it didn’t appear all at once. Hair not growing back is extremely rare and I’m so sorry that I mentioned it and worried you. But I’m sure I worried you unnecessarily.
Love to all, Kathy
Please don’t worry too much about your hair. As we all know too well this chemo affects us all differently. You and Caron have really struggled on tax. It was not easy for me but I found it much more doable than the AC I had to start with.
I took the clippers to my hair in September although my eyebrows and eyelashes hung on. I changed to tax in November-they gave up and fell out then. I noticed my hair was beginning to sprout again about Christmas time and I had my last tax at the end of January. It is now The beginning of April and although my hair is growing it is very very slow, I doubt whether it is more than 1/2 to 3/4 inch mostly. The bit over my ears is a bit longer but I do not look like someone with normal hair. I just have faith that it will eventually sort itself out.I don’t know about Kate but I find that after I have sorted it out in the morning- i just gel it flat because it sticks up like a baby bird- I don’t look in any nore mirrors if I can help it. It is other people who have to look at me. I am just the person I was before.
Caron I really hope that Marble will be OK, it must be awful for her at the moment.
Something that has happened to me that I will pass on although again I don’t want to worry anyone is the tale of my finger nails. All through chemo I kept them painted dark as advised. I finished tax at the end of January and my nails were not only intact but they appeared to be in good condition. Last month I stupidly thought that the time had come that I could revert to a more normal nail colour. I painted my nails in a light colour,today I have taken the polish of to redo them and to my horror have discovered that several of the nails are coming away from the nail bed. Now I don’t know what to do. I have cut them short and will put a nail strengthener on before I repaint but have no idea if there is anything else I can do.
Thanks Katemate and Andie for the comments on hair! Am trying to chill out about it a bit!
Andie, my finger nails, although painted black are beginning to lift from nail bed already, toes seem ok so far though!
Caron, I’m so sorry about poor Marble, what a horrible time for you.
Shell I know you’re down at Marsden on Weds, I’m hoping to be able to get over to meet you for a coffee but just need to sort a few things as My friend and her 3 kids are coming down fron Derby for a few days and think she wants us to take kids to Chessington for the day. The way I feel at the mo I don’t think I’m up to a day at a theme park anyway so let me know if your happy to see me!
Gail, how are you doing?
Bright, have sent you pm re wig!
Got shocking mouth ulcers at the mo, so painful they made me cry earlier, haven’t really experienced this particular treat thus far, but obviously didn’t want to get to the end of chemo without sampling all of the lovely side effects!
Well the sights and sounds of the North East are fading away behind me. Seems ages since I stood on the Millenium Bridge admiring the Baltic Flour Mill on Newcastle’s quayside and watching the boats along the Tyne. The train journey back ws very tiring and had to stand for much of the way due to an overcrowded train.
Yesterday I went to the hospital to have remaining stitches removed from my Hickman line (hate writing ‘my’ as I do not want a line! - and don’t see it as part of me). I then stayed to chat to a couple of women whom I met on my first visit to the clinic. They are ahead of me now - just having their fifth chemo (tax): sometimes this treatment feels interminable…
We went for lunch in a nice place in Herne Hill afterwards - mushroom and tarragon soup, in a place we’d always assumed was a Mexican restuarant due to the orange sign and cactus looking text… but it wasn’t at all. Instead it was a really nice whole food place with wonderful looking cakes for afternoon tea.
Today I went to work and it was good to catch up with office chums. Spent most of the morning responding to the 300 emails which had piled up in my week away, then went to a meeting about designing a new website for our department.
Feel like I may be going down with some kind of bug. Tickly cough and breathing difficulties - and nasal congestion coming on. This all means my taxotere may get delayed on Thursday. No doubt the oncologist will advise when I see him tomorrow.
Thinking of you all. Jo your hair will grow back - and you are only six months or so behind me now that I’ve cut my hair short. Still wearing my wig though as I don’t like short hair…
You are all in my thoughts.
Good luck Shelley for tomorrow
Good luck Marble for getting well
Good luck Jo with the hair
Good luck Kathy with your move
Good luck, good luck all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Bright
I have had to see an oncologist this morning to check that I can go ahead with rads planning tomorrow regardless of my remaining seroma. Because my usual lady is on holiday I saw a different person, a really kind man, who has finally confirmed that the form of BC that I have is in his words ‘particularly agressive’, and that I have been dealt a ‘nasty hand in life’. Although in the back of my mind I knew this all along to actually hear an oncologist say it makes it very real. He says that they have thrown everything they can at it, but not to worry too much, they will do the worrying for me. I feel a bit shell shocked at the moment.
He has agreed that I can go for rads planning tomorrow, that means a trip into London to St. Thomass’, so I believe that Kathy and I move on to the next stage on the same day.
I think Bright forgot to send you all a message from me, I wrote a really long post yesterday and all of a sudden no internet connection!, thing is me & Steve bought 2 identical laptops but after a while his stopped working wireless, so it had to be plugged in via cable, anyway it periodically worked then mine did exactly the same thing !! so there is obviously a fault with these laptops.
Steve bought 2 addon wireless usb adapters (but he shouldn’t have had to but hey ho least im back on line now).
Andie I worked out then that you have still had your nails painted dark since the end of your tax (january) and you have only just changed to a lighter colour, if your nails are lifting now how long do you think we have to have them painted dark for???
Anyone answer please…
I hope your cancer isn’t as agressive as they think and hope you return to full health.
Bright I AM WISHING YOU GOOD WISHES FOR YOUR 1st TAX tomorrow, don’t forget it’s not as bad as EC (FEC) going in and hang on to the thought you may not get all the side effects.
Just want to say to my 2nd tax was not as bad as my first as with the first I only got up 5 days before my next tax and I am up and about now nearly over it now, the only thing that has been worse was my emotional state, been very down but am bouncing back now.
Jo hope you are still not worried about your hair? why don’t you take a pic of it say every 2/3 weeks then you can see for yourself how it is growing??.
Shelly has not written for a while or others GAIL? katemate & Suzannah, ( hope I havn’t forgotten anybody?)
Yesterday during my long post that I lost I was saying isn’t it funny how you find out who your true friends are???
I knew 1 girl since I was 16 and we have stayed in touch throughout the years , when I found out (BC) I rang her to tell her I haven’t heard from her since!!! ( I really thought she would be concerned )
also a girl from up my street I considered her a friend and she hasn’t been near since either!! ( and she lives doors away!)
Then you get other ppl who you think wouldn’t really care like a lady (she lives probably an hour away walking)who’s son goes to Owen’s school and she keeps coming to see me even though she walks she makes a special journey to come & see how I am, she even brought me flowers & chocs yesterday!! ( try not to eat the chocs & just to smell the flowers lol ! ) THANKS ANITA XXXXXXXXXX
MARBLE : had a call from the vets yesterday Marble has had another big operation they have now stitched her colon to her abdomin so she said it shouldn’t move (SHOULDN’T !!) but she said she is in last chance saloon (her words) she said in her 9 years of being a vet she has seen 2 cases but Marble is new territory as she is the first one that it stay put.
I said " It’s daft if I have to put her to sleep for this silly reason " she agreed but said it’s her last chance, she said it’s not gauranteed to work but should do.
She also said that Marble has dark noduels running down her intestine she never mentioned the word cancer as she thinks it’s nothing to do with it? ( If I had to have her put down I would feel better if she did have cancer rather than just a prolapsed bowel ).
They have sent the noduels away for testing to see what they are.
Marble was on a drip last night and she was vomiting but she said thats probably the anesthetic, that she is doing ok considering what she has been through.
She also said to me " you have done more A LOT MORE than other people would have done, don’t know if she is trying to soften the blow if it doesn’t work???. Just have to hope for the best for her but I also don’t want to be cruel to her and put her through suffering if she isn’t to be ok at the end.
I wonder am I being selfish???
Gail how you doing??? are you really bad?? hope not love Caronxx
That’s a crock, Andie - what are they saying about it? Just when you think you’re getting through the treatment, too. Still, good job you saw a different onc, maybe they’ll have some new ideas about how to tackle it.
Andie, you’re right. Istart with my planning tomorrow but at Maidstone. I could have gone to St. Thomas’ but my friend Veronica has offered to drive me and I thought it would be better than going by train which I would have to if going to London. In Taunton they wouldn’t hear of me driving myself, but the onc here says it shouldn’t be a problem.
On the subject of nails, I painted mine black and they lifted. I think my toe nails are going too. So I’ve given up. For the first time in years I’ve gone without nail varnish.
It’s lovely being in 7oaks, yesterday I went with my daughter to Godstone Farm Park. She has three delightful children and it was lovely to spend time with them. They rarely get to Somerset. The eldest is 6, he is autistic but such a sweet, gentle child and I just think he is wonderful. He copes with life really well and he’s always so pleased to see me. Caroline and her husband are marvellous with him and coping with his problems.
Iwent today to see Veronica’s mother in Bexleyheath today, I was always her other daughter growing up. I really felt the cold without my hair and wig so she knitted hoods for me. They’ve been so admired she’s taking orders. She loves doing it, she’s 83 and amazing.
When we came back I cooked for everyone, which is such a treat after the pub as I didn’t have my own kitchen. Veronica doesn’t like cooking and I love it so it’s my way of repaying their kindness tome.
I’ve left John in Somerset sorting out all the problems but he’s coming up tomorrow, having left his beloved dog in kennels for the first time. I don’t know who’ll fret more, the dog or John.
John I think!
Sorry I sort of addressed this to Andie at the beginning and then rambled, but you are all in my mind. I’m always so worried about leaving anyone out.
JO don’t put any’ bonjela once’ on the ulcers I screamed with the pain . the worst part of Tax for me was my mouth. I’m sure its weakened my teeth as one broke the other day. I don’t think we get help with dental bills.
the other thing I’ve noticed is the deterioration of my eyes. I think we should get free eyetests, money towards eye prescriptions and free dental care.
I’ve had my rant now, so love to all, fingers crossed for your 1st tax, and for Marble.
I’ve just remembered Shelly is quite vocal on another thread, but I can’t think what it one it is for the moment. I@m suffering terribly from chemo brain.
Kathy
No internet connection today - so sorry for not posting Caron’s message. Congrats on Marble - getting a bit better and the birth of 4 hampster babies in Caron’s household…
Such a long day this has been. My appointment was scheduled for 10am but did not leave until 3pm as the clinic was two out of five doctors down and I was due to see only one of two consultants. So that meant a three hour wait followed by a further two hours to collect prescription for steriods.
I was with Onc for about half an hour. Part of that was planning my radiotherapy sessions which will commence three weeks after the last chemotherapy cycle. I will receive the standard 15 days and the rads will be targeted on the cancer site right up to the nodes at the base of the neck on the affected side. She also examined me today and could find no evidence of tumors in the chest wall (actually the muscle which is left and which the implant sits behind - or in the lymph nodes in the subclavicle area or in the neck.
She is content for me to have the taxotere tomorrow providing there is no deterioration in my illness. I think though this evening there has been a worsening of the condition as I now have a bad cough and really struggling with my breathing when I do cough. I think I need an antibiotic and will ask for that tomorrow or this evening if things get worse. My blood count is okay - but neutrophils are below levels of pre-chemo. I will be given an injection after the taxotere to help bring the wbcs back up again.
I asked again about my pathology report as noone has really gone through it in detail. It turns out I am actually moderately Oestrogen and Progesterone positive (told before I was only weakly Er +) - a slight puzzle when two doctors have been reading from the same report. I am stage 2 - due to tumour size 4cm (Stage 2 is between 2-5 cm) and greater than 1 lymph node affected - though no evidence of cancer cells breaking out of the nodes, and nodes are not stuck to other structures or each others - which then be classified as a Stage 3.
I asked again about my statistical odds of a recurrence - given the information seemed different this time on the rest of my path report. But she wouldn’t say as she thought the data would not be helpful to me and that statistically I could end up by in the minority category. But of course like many patients I naturally found myself reading more into this lack of disclosure. Though she did add that at this stage they were still aiming for a cure. Other factors in my favour are the positive receptivity for Er and Pr means that hormone therapy which follows after chemotherapy for five years - starting with Tamoxifen (apparently I am ten years off the menopause) should work more effectively at guarding against a recurrence.
Sending you all good thoughts - cannot write individual messages as need to go to sleep now as early start and have vicks infusion - thanks Caron