I didn’t tell anyone but my partner whilst having the tests but once it was confirmed I was encouraged by a friend that had been through it to tell people, it made everything so much easier, if I was having an off day at work everyone understood and let me be. Also the amount of people that I work with that had been through it 12 years ago, or 16 years ago etc made me more positive. Every one does things differently you must do what’s right for you x
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I only told immediate family until I had finished radiotherapy. But I’m on Tamoxifen so I just say now that I’ve had radiotherapy and now having on going hormone treatment.
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Hi Coastal
I only told the family members and close friends I wanted to. So about 20 max. This did include some of my husband’s family as I wanted him to have a support network. Work had to know and my boss asked me if she could tell immediate team mates as I wanted to work as much as possible, I agreed. They were so supportive and a couple are now very close friends.
So no social announcements from me and I used to share a lot. I also feel quite lucky that my diagnosis and treatment was during the last 6 months of lockdown so seeing people was restricted.
It meant I only had people I could trust would be there for me and not give ridiculous advice, thoughts etc. And I’d not have to give 100s of updates when asked.
I went ape with my aunt who decided to tell my cousins, and not just her children; people I hadn’t seen, talked to or had anything to do with for years. Not one contacted me.
Three years on, I’ve still not announced from the rooftops.
You are not alone in wanting to keep your circle ‘in the know’ to a small one.
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I only told immediate family and a few work colleagues start with. After my mastectomy i had chemo which was a bit of a give away so more people found out then by which time i was ok with it . Whatever you do is ok , it is a totally personal decision. Good luck with your treatment xx
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I told no one other than my 2 grown up daughters, and boss at work as had to get support with all appointments. No one else new through 2 operations, not until 1 week before chemo was to start. Some of my family still dont know. You don’t have to tell anyone you don’t want too, one of the only things you can control. X
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Hello
Huge news so please take time
There is no right, wrong or maybe here its whatever you need
As lots of others have said dealing with this news yourself can take many weeks , months or even years to get to grips with
In my world last year ( lump found in shower during self check 8 January) …my husband knew from the beginning but i didn’t tell my sisters until i knew about the surgery ( lumpectomy sentinel node biopsy and 3 lymph node removal)
And then i did it in writing a message before picking up the phone to talk and cry because writing it down helped me convey my fears and be factual before i had to deal with their worries and fears
My nail technican and hairdresser who have known me for many many years guessed something was up just before the surgery (March) as my stress levels were off the ceiling and affecting my scalp and hands they were both amazing and have been some of the closest confidantes throughout all of this rollercoaster
I didn’t share with anyone else until my 2nd chemotherapy months later (July) as I couldn’t keep saying no to socialising, parties and meals out ( to keep me infection free) without the gossip grapevine going nuts
I’ve lost some friends on route who couldn’t deal with it and I’ve made closer bonds with others and complete strangers
It is what it is and only you can manage and control this news so do whatever feels good for you
I now (18 months later) post on Facebook and Instagram to my online friends in private not public accounts about follow ups and ongoing adjuvant treatments because again most people do not appreciate how long this rollercoaster / chapter goes on for but its not my whole world now its just part of me and i love the new me like i loved the old me!
Blessings and 
hugs sent your way
You’ve got this xx
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Hi, Apart from my partner, I only told 1 close colleague and my boss when I got the recall letter after my routine mammogram. I also only told them the outcome after my appointment. I did not tell any other family or friends until after I got my diagnosis. I felt I did not want to worry them and then find out everything was okay, neither did I want constant sympathy and phone calls. Everybody was understanding in the end and appreciated how I was feeling.
Everybodys thoughts are different though. I am sure you will do what is right for you. Good luck x
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It has to be whatever is right for you as to who you tell, as someone on here has already said no one has a right to know.
I will admit I was the complete opposite to you, I felt the need to tell people especially my Husband, 2 adult sons and their wives, and my closest friends. For me I felt I needed my support network around me. Also with these people being aware I knew my husband and sons would have the support they needed, which meant I could concentrate on me. Also there will come a point when certain people need to know or will notice that all is not well. My treatment plan was chemotherapy 1st, and I felt awful and did also lose my hair, then surgery and finally radiotherapy.
Again I can only talk from what was good for me you must do what is right for you and not feel guilty for doing so, there are times when we need to be selfish.
I wish you all the best for whatever you decide ans what your treatment might be.
Debbie
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I value my privacy and only told my husband, daughter, my 2 close sisters and 4 very close friends. My friends and daughter have been brilliant. One of my sisters and my husband have told many people, including people I don’t know - like my husband telling neighbours we have very little to do with, his choir members, his barber, the local pharmacist and the checkout lady at the local supermarket, to name a few - all of whom I don’t know. I am beyond angry with him but also recognise this might be his way of coping. My way it to keep things to myself and just get on with whatever I have to to maximise the effect of the treatments necessary. I understand why you feel like you want to hide or keep to yourself - it’s a lot to process without having to cope with the many platitudes when feeling your body is under attack. It is difficult to feel “strong” and “brave” when trying to survive in a situation you have no choice about. I wish you all the best healing now and in your future.
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@coastal1 I guess it depends if you are on your own or if you have a partner/children/ parents.
And everyone is different. I don’t have any family in here so I told my close friends and someone set up WhatsApp group - it’s easier with the updates and coordinate help. But you cannot control people gossiping. I hate people who are not close like some work colleagues reaching out ( as someone told them) if I want to chat or saying we are with you. It makes me angry - I don’t want to chat. What do you propose as help - company, going to appts, meals, cleaning my flat? I hate when people just want to chat about it ( you wonder- to gossip?) and actually don’t offer real help. Yes, I feel like telling them to f*** off… but close friends are invaluable ( especially if you are on your own), so things can be organised and help shared between people. So basically regarding your question - it depends. Hugs 
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I didn’t even tell my husband until l had my results!! We are all different in how we deal with things. For me, I didn’t want to worry anyone until I knew what l was dealing with. I’m know 2 years on & have only told close family & 1 close friend (& of course everyone in this club nobody wants to be in!!) I wish you well on your journey. Do what’s right for you.
I only told a few people ( my husband and my sister and a few close friends) until I was done with MRI’s and knew the full plan- for me took about 3 weeks. I then told my daughters.
Once I told them, I told everyone. For me being transparent, was better. Otherwise, I felt like I wasn’t being truthful with anyone. The support has been wonderful and I feel better having people know. I did it slowly. Sometimes I had other people tell people because the telling could be so difficult.
Good luck with this.
Hi … I was diagnosed with Stage 1 BC in Nov 2023. I only told close family & a handful of friends… I also didn’t want the world to know although some had said to be ‘spreading awareness’ is a good thing but it was my story to tell. I’ve had a lumpectomy & 5 days radiotherapy so my life continued as normal to people around me who didn’t know. I’ve told a few other friends since but another reason I didn’t tell everyone as people do talk & also some people can be judgemental on life choices. I think you should go with what you feel & not worry. I think that people posting are very inspirational but it just wasn’t for me x
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Hi, absolutely do what feels right for you. It’s already a lot to be dealing with and I regret that at a time when I was so stressed I had to deal with other’s reactions and many just dont know what to say or say the wrong things. In hindsight, I wish I had kept it to my partner and close friends and made it clear to my family to keep it to themselves. It all depends on how well you get on with family. My mum also told the world. I told my best friend early on and a close friend later on. I recently found videos on YouTube about what to say to someone. Also Macmillan do a booklet for friends and family - worth sending that or a link, as some great advice in there. But ultimately my advice would be tell those that you trust and later see if you feel up to telling others. I’m a few months on and still dont feel like telling my neighbour.
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Hi. I tried not to tell too many people - just close family and a couple of friends. Problem is my elderly mother told all of her friends and neighbours. I really wasn’t happy but tried not to be too annoyed as I guess she needed some support herself. If I mentioned it she just said that it didn’t matter if others knew. Yes it did to me!
She lives a couple of miles away and I don’t think it’s filtered through to my immediate neighbours. Can’t be sure though and I am a bit sceptical when someone asks me how I am. Do they know? Or is a just a general question? I don’t want to be known as “the woman who has breast cancer”. People love to gossip. If I meet someone on a dog walk I just want to chat normally and not get that “sympathetic look”.
I’ve been receiving treatment for just over a year now and completed RT three weeks ago. Managed to cover up hair loss with beanie hat in winter and wig now. Will have to venture out with short hair eventually so will see what reaction I get. Will probably just say I fancied a change of hairstyle. It really isn’t anyone else’s business if you don’t want to tell them. There are a lot of things we don’t have a choice over with this illness but that isn’t one of them.
Take care. x
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Yes this is me. Want to see where my journey goes first and also my pet hate is when people say “oh you’re sorts ooh and you’ll smash this”
I don’t feel strong at all
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@countrygirl1 - what is it with elderly mothers feeling the need to tell everyone?! Mine was exactly the same. Like many others on this thread, I’ve tried to carefully manage who knows about my BC so it didn’t impact too much on my teenage children or trigger unwanted gossip at work. Then my mother, who lives nearby, told everyone she knows!
I’m further along in my treatment now and have accepted that more people than I would like know about it - but it is a personal choice and I would certainly have only told a handful of people who I felt needed to know x
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At first i told just a few people in my close circle, who knew i was having a lump checked and i’d informed about appointments. After a week or so letting the news settle in, i thought i was ready to start telling people and when i did i started doubting myself… did i hear the doctor right, had i made it up… so then i decided to wait a little longer, until i had more of an idea what was next / treatment plan. But in the end i did find it easier once more people knew so i didnt need to keep having the same conversation over and over and we could move on after the initial hows it all going. I told many people over whatsapp as i couldnt say the words out loud, and i found it a million times easier than having a conversation.
I did find it frustrating people telling people on my behalf when i was still letting the news settle in myself, or when someone heard about it and kept messaging me every other week to catch up, when i just didnt fancy it.
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I have done the same. I’m 2 months post surgery and radiation. I have only shared with a few. You need to do what you’re comfortable with, not them. 
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Firstly, good luck with your surgery today - its a great feeling having it behind you.
Re others telling. I hear you. My partner told a couple of local people and when i went to my local pub, realised that the entire village knew. Initially, I was furious but then it occured to me that this impacted pretty heavily on him too. Now that the bulk of my treatment is behind me, I’m actually quite glad that its out there without needing to hear myself voice that “C” word.
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