Have any of you felt very depressed two years on?
Have any of you felt very depressed two years on? Don’t want to upset the apple cart in the men’s area - but we are getting increasingly worried about my father. He was diagnosed in 2004 at the age of 59, underwent a mastectomy and radiotherapy (did not opt for reconstruction) and has now had two years on Tamoxifen.
But personality-wise, he is a different person. He seems very depressed, has mood swings, has lost his fighting spirit and seems to chop and change his mind every day. The nurse doesn’t seem to think anything of this, but is is worrying us as he really does seem like a completely different person?
He still has very limited movement on his left side and just stretching too much can cause his great discomfort, which I think adds to his low mood.
Any reply - if only to say ‘this is normal’ would be a help at the moment! He refuses to talk to anybody and is still very embarrassed about his body and his experience of cancer.
Thank you in advance!
Help for you and your father Hi there
I’m sorry to hear that your father is having such a bad time. Breast cancer is an awful thing.
I think his moods and generally feeling low is indicative of depression. The tamoxifen might also be causing some of these symptoms and he should see his GP to get it sorted out.
I’m sorry also that he is having problems about the cnacer as well. His body image and esteem may have been affected greatly - how could it not in the face of such treatment, surgery & etc.?
You should get in touch woth BCC and aks for a copy of the dedicated resoruce for men. You can also view it online on the website. He can also opt to speak to another man who has had breast cancer to talk through some of the questions he might have to ask.
I can’t say things will change overnight but just beginning some of these things may make a difference for him.
Take care and I hope your dad finds some peace for himself about the cancer.
Bill
Hi Littleme Sorry to hear about your Dad, I think I’m just starting to realise that I am just like you describe personality wise. I certainly can see similarities and my wife is always saying I’m moody and apathetic now, but it is difficult admitting that you need help. I really hope he can take a pragmatic approach and listen to those who love him. Offer to accompany him to his GP to discuss it if he is willing.
I can understand that he is unhappy about his physical condition and although you don’t say whether he has suffered lymphodemae as the result of the lymph nodes being removed, it certainly sounds like he should have his movement checked.
I have had exactly the same treatment as your father; ie surgery, radiotherapy and tamoxifen. The Tamoxifen can make you so achy that you really have to make the effort to get yourself going at times, this in itself can be depressing.
I’m sorry if this sounds like trying to explain why - but when you dont understand yourself…
I’m fairly sure it’s still not too late to reconsider reconstruction - just talk to the Breast Care nurse - she probably could provide guidance on both subjects.
All the best and I hope your father can bring himself to talk to someone - it really is the best and only way to make change in these circumstances.
Regards
Brian
Further Information Hi LittleMe
I have given below the link to the resource pack referred to by Willy in his post. This can be either ordered or downloaded through this site. I hope your father finds this useful and informative.
breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/Breast Cancer Care_men_
update06_0.pdf
Kind regards.
Online Host
Breast Cancer Care
HI Littleme Can I say the same as the other guys - sorry your dad is in such a state.
I was diagnosed in 2003 operation in 2004 full mastectomy to right side chemo and radiotherepy - put on Tamoxifen for 5 years.
The Tamoxifen caused me problems - mood swings, weight gain, night sweats and hot flushes - very down at the time.
Consulted with my Breast Care Nurse and doctors - they said that if i could get to 2 years they would review. The 2 years were up in June this year - stopped the Tamoxifen there and then - I am on no treatment what so ever - I feel GREAT. My family now say its nice to see the old me getting back to normal - whatever normal is.
From Diagnosis to being free in 3 years - only have to visit my breast nurses clinic every 12 months - brilliant.
I dont say this is the course your dad should take - but does he speak about his feelings to anybody?
Maybe a good long chat with the Nurse can sort things out a little?
Does he know about the Peer Support offered by BCC - this is has Willy said, a means of talking to someone who has been there and come out the other side.
Good Luck with things - remember we are always here to help where we can.
cheers David W