He just won't talk about it

I’m 46, was diagonised with breast cancer end of last year, any my partner of 22 years just won’t talk about it. We have been through the mill and I’m very emotional but find the more I talk about my experience the better I feel. He can talk about it for a bit but them will go days not mentioning anything to do with my illness. I’ve asked him to get support and talk to other men about their experiences and what they did, but he hadn’t done this. Any ideas/help?

Hi Laxicon

I am sorry to hear you are having these problems. Can I suggest that you contact Relate relate.org.uk/wantadvice/ for more details. They are experts at dealing with all relationship issues and I am sure will be able to help you.

Best wishes



There is a book called ‘Breast Cancer Husband’ by Marc Silver. We were lent a copy & my husband found it very useful. It is American so it is not all relevant (there’s a lot about insurance & choosing your medical team), but it talks a lot about the emotional issues as well as the practical. You can get it through Amazon. If you got hold of a copy you could give it to him to read on his own.

Laxicon - you are not alone. Men are very strange creatures. I have had BC twice and on both occasions my husband who is a GP has really dismissed the subject once I got back from hospital. He just seemed to want everything to get back to normal as soon as possible and that was the end of it. As far as he is concerned I am physically healed. I find this and other BC forums very helpful and also my onc. He is brilliant with his patients but as is often the case with doctors, useless with near family. Maybe better to find a good counsellor if you really want to talk. Good Luck