Hi,
I m 40 years old and I was told last Thursday that I had breast cancer, and have spent the last weekend in a blur!
Found out today that I have stage 2 breast cancer, and will be starting chemotherapy very shortly, then will face the surgery etc.
My other half has taken it really badly, and is being quite moody and snappy. How do you deal with this?
I am really scared, but from the outset I am determined to fight this. I’d be really grateful if anyone can offer me any advice.
Mirrie x
Hello Mirrie and welcome. Very sorry you have had to join us here but you will find loads of support and friendship. There will always be someone who can relate to you and your experience. It is a very scary process but it does get easier I promise. I have been very lucky as my husband has been quietly supportive and just getting on with things. I am sure there will be others who have experienced a variety of reactions from partners and who can advise you.
hugs
alex
xx
Hi Mirrie,
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums, you’ve come to the right place for support as your fellow forum users have a wealth of experience and knowledge between them. While you are waiting for replies I have put for you below links to some of BCC’s publications which I hope will help both you and your partner. If you feel either yourself or your partner would like to talk to someone in confidence about what is happening to you then please do phone the BCC helpline where you can talk to one of the staff here. Calls to the helpline are free, 0808 800 6000 open Mon to Fri 9am - 5pm and Sat 9am - 2pm.
Resource pack: breastcancercare.org.uk/server/show/nav.718/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/82
Breast Cancer and you: breastcancercare.org.uk/server/show/nav.718/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/89
In it together:
breastcancercare.org.uk/server/show/nav.718/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/15
Hope some of this helps. Kind regards
Jo, Facilitator
Hi Mirrie, such a scary and emotional time for you but I’m sure you will find lots of support on here. I had to have chemo 1st aswell and mine was grade 2. I remember being desperate to have the op 1st just to get rid of the stuff but turned out better having chemo with the size of tumour i had and also meant we could tell how the cancer was responding to the chemo! My hubby has always been really supportive but initially he was the most upset whereas I was just focussed on getting treatment started and fighting, I reckon in a way it’s harder to watch your partner go through it than be the one getting on with the treatment…not easy for anyone though. I hope you are able to start treatment soon. any questions post on here there are so many people with incredible knowledge to share on here, it’s been invaluable to me through my treatment.
Take care
Smiler
x
Hi Mirrie,
I am 45 and was diagnosed with bc last wednesday and will find out this wednesday what stage cancer I have and treatment options. It’s waiting and not knowing that causes me to feel anxious and worried. I’m taking each day at a time with the love and support of family and close friends.
My husband won’t read up about bc and doesn’t really want to talk about it but he is being supportive in his own way and on hand to give hugs and hold my hand when required. It sounds like your partner is frightened and not sure how to react, there is lots of support and advice on this forum, I’ve learnt a lot in a very short space of time which has been really helpful and put things in perspective for me.I wish you well and hope that you get the support you deserve.
Best Wishes
Liz
Hi Mirrie,
Welcome to the roller coaster that is BC. I was 41 at diagnosis and I’m 2 years down the line and doing well. It is a very frightening time but once your treatment starts you will feel like you’re moving forward again.
I really feel that my journey has been worst for my husband than me. You will find that you receive tremendous support from many different sources, the people you meet at chemo, your breast cancer nurse, the people on this forum but I felt that there was little support for my husband, although there is a section on this website for family and friends but he’s not the sort of guy that would use that. It is a horrendous shock for our loved ones. All I can say is try and talk and be as honest as you can, try to help each other through the initial shock.
We are here for you both, take care
Veggie
Hi Mirrie
I too was diagnosed last Thursday with stage 2 and have been presented with a decision as to whether I have surgery or the chemo first. Got to see the Consultant this Thursday and my head is in a spin. I am 47 years old and am trying to remain positive. My immediate thoughts are to have the mastectomy and cut this wretched thing out of my body. I can then concentrate on the chemo and hopefully have my reconstruction for my birthday in Feb. However, I went to a group meeting last night and now I’m not so sure anymore. I know no one has the answer and the decision has to be mine but I just want a date to get started. My hubby was very angry with everything at first but now he’s softened and we are dealing with it together. We are both trying to maintain a positive attitude.
Hi. I’m 50 and my cancer was found at my first post-50 mammogram in June. On 1 July I had an ultrasound biopsy. On 8 July I was told I had a 5cm grade 2 cancer lump. Less than a week later, on 14 July, I had a mastectomy. A 2mm tumour was found in one of the removed nodes so I will be having chemo. I left the hospital a week ago, on 21 July and am coming to terms with what has happened. My scar is horrible and extends from the centre of my chest (where it starts with a lump) to under my left arm and the whole area infront of, beneath and behind my left armpit is swollen with fluid (some was syringed off this week, but the swelling hasn’t gone down). I am finding some of the exercises really difficult (particularly lying on the bed on my back with hands under my head trying to get my arms as close to the bed as possible - this really hurts my upper left arm and even my left side between my scar and waist). Can anyone tell me if this is normal???
Hi Mirrie. Me again. I’ve just read through the other comments that have been posted in response to your message. The others are very warm and encouraging which will be a great help. I agree that it’s difficult for our partners because they can’t make us better - but some men (including mine) are just not good carers. I am trying very hard not to lose patience with my partner because I couldn’t face a confrontation right now.
Hi Daisychain,
Yes the exercises are difficult to start off with and yes I did have the pains you describe, like everything was really tight and pulling in your rib and waist area.
I think my problem was the physio demonstrated the exercises in hospital and I thought I have to do that straight away, get my arms over my head in a week sort of thing. It’s just not possible, my advice is to do a little bit each day but don’t really push yourself too hard. I did the walking up the walk one with my fingers, and gradually my left arm managed the same level as my right, I felt that was a good guage as to how I was progressing, but it took a couple of months at least.You will get there.
If the fluid build up is a problem just go back to your BCN and she’ll sort it out for you.
Mirrie, I hope you’re OK.
Take care
Veggie
hello again,
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has responded to my 1st message. I feel realy buoyed on by the care and support I have found here.
I saw the oncologist on Monday, and am seeing the chemotherapy nurses tomorrow, with a view to starting chemotherapy next week. As odd as it sounds, I do feel relaxed about it because I know the battle to get rid of the BC is starting. My husband seems to be coming around to more able to deal with my diagnosis. I know I don’t have much experience or advice to give to anyone in this area, but you’ve all really helped me and I hope to be able to return that favour!
Take care everyone, lots of hugs!
M xxx
Hi Mirrie,
Good for you, you’ve got the right attitude to get through this. If you need any advice on chemo this is the place to come, what regime are you going to be on?
So pleased that your husband is coming to terms with everything, it really is a tough time but it does get easier when your treatment starts.
I think it sometimes takes longer for our loved ones to accept things, you have more control of things, it’s your body after all but I think my husband felt quite isolated by it all to start with. I used to tell him all the time how lucky I was to have him supporting me and I think that made him see how important his role was in the whole journey.
Whenever I felt low through chemo (which was very do-able, the anticipation was much worse than the actual experience) I told myself how lucky I was to be getting it, you really do get top grade drugs these days. You will get through it. I got tremendous strength from going to chemo every 3 weeks, it really helped me to understand that I wasn’t alone, I used to catch someone’s eye and we would smile at each other or roll our eyes if we had the cold cap on as if to say well here we go again. It propably doesn’t sound much but it really is the little things that mean so much.
Anyway, this has turned into a book! take care and all the best for tomorrow,
Oh and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this but it’s maybe a good idea to write down a list of questions for tomorrow, my mind used to go blank sometimes and I would remember all the questions when I got home!
Veggie