Hi all,
I posted on here a little while ago, my mum has bc with secondaries to lung, bones, superclavicular lymph…
at the beginning of March mom needed a pleural effusion for fluid collected on her lung, which was effective, but the fluid was back within days. She has been hospitalised since 8 March, and has had pleurodesis performed with some success.
The secondaries in her lung however seem to be “gathering momentum” as the onc put it, and her prognosis is now only a few months. She has lost approx 2 stone in a matter of weeks, her appetite is very poor.
We have a care package in place, equipment arriving at her home to keep her there as long as possible, and lots of lovely supportive family and friends…
my question is, when will be the right time to suggest a move to a hospice? I don’t want mom to be in any more discomfort than necessary, and yet also, I don’t want her to think we are “sending her off” as it were.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, sorry if it sounds trite.
any comments gratefully recieved, and hugs to all those who need them.
Hi there
So very sorry to hear what you and your family is going through. Its a difficult situation, but from your message, it sounds as if you are all there for your mum, so have you considered trying to continue that at home if that’s what she wants?
Im one of six and we looked after my mum who had terminal cancer.As I say, we were lucky as the burden was shared between the whole family and we had wonderful support from family GP and Macmillan for the last few days.
It can be done with the right planning and if all involved are able.
I wish you all the very best for the difficult times ahead.
Cathie x
It sounds like you have given a lot of thought to making your mum comfortable. Has she talked to you about what she wants to do when she comes out of hospital and will there be family living with her at home? I think if you have not talked with her about when she wants to move/if she wants to move to the hospice then it would be good perhaps to involve the macmillan nurses - if you find it difficult to talk to mum about these things then I am sure they will help.
Dawn
xx
I noticed your post as it sounds similar to my mams experience, she passed away 2 months ago following a pleuredesis and then one performed under general anaesthetic. Her breathing did not improve and she was sent home from hospital with oxygen and intermediate care. Therecwere times when her breathing got worse, however she was adamant that she did not want to return to hospital and we supported in that. I hope i dont upset you by talking about this, but looking back, it was the right thing for her, she passed away so peacefully in her own bed with her family around her having. Prior to her passing away she had her home comforts and the people around her who loved her. We didnt talk about what was happening, partly because no one knows when its gking to happen and partly because it was the right thing for us to do for her and us, by not spending her last days weeks months dwelling on a future without her. She knew how much we loved her and i did get to say a few tgings to her while she was in a comatose state and i continue to talk to her now!!! Sorry to go on a bit, i just wanted to say that i hope you find a way to find out what your mam wants and you will find a way to help her. Please pm me if you would like to talk further. Take care. Claire
Bumping this up for Bubblez
I’m sorry to read your post Mary Grace. Sending you a big hug. I think it’s a hard question to answer, it depends on whether you can cope, and on your mums feelings and what your hospice is like. My dad was in a hospice and he loved it there called it his hotel, hated hospital and would not go back there, our best friend also was in a hospice and his wife could stay all day and night if she wanted, so could we, she even took his dog in there. Why dont you visit your hospice to see for yourself before you talk to your mum . I’m sorry but it’s a huge decission to make for you and your family, I wish love and support and a peaceful time for your mum
Love Ruth xxx
Hi Ruth,
Thanks but I am just bumping this up for Bubblez, the new lady whose friend has pleural effusion. I am lucky that I only have primary at the moment x
Thank you for all your lovely comments.
Mum passed away peacefully at home on 29 March, with all her family around her.
She is missed every moment of every day.