Hi Wadge,
Sorry to hear you’re both going through this.
If you want to, do look at the ‘living with secondary bc’ thread here: forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Living-with-secondary-breast/bd-p/4495
Quite a few family members of those affected have posted there for advice & support as well. Maybe your wife could have a look as well.
Wishing you both the very best.
ann x