I am in my late 40s and was diagnosed with extensive DCIS on Wednesday and told I need a mastectomy in a little over a week.
I thought I was OK with this but all of a sudden I’ve stopped being grown up and feel very angry with everyone about everything and am awfully tearful all the time.
On Friday evenings we usually go for a drink with some friends, so I decided I wanted to be normal and go out last night. As I got dressed I thought “this will be one of the last times I’ll go out with two breasts”. Then as I walked down the street I kept thinking “I’ll only have one more Friday night then it’ll be gone”. This made me feel guilty as why am I having such vain thoughts when I should be glad I’m alive and I am going to be OK.
Walking down the street I bumped into a friend and was surprised he knew, then when I got to the club people were so nice, coming up to tell me how sorry they were but I couldn’t cope with every one knowing about something so personal when I only found out myself on Wednesday. I left in tears, leaving my other half in the bar looking puzzled.
Things just went down hill from there finishing with the evening ending a tearful row followed by a sleep less night.
Now I feel awful as I’m afraid to go out and worried about how my poor partner and son will put up with me. I realise they can’t understand how I feel and I must stop myself taking it out on them.
Can anyone help me?
Hi Anji
Sorry to hear that you’re feeling so down at the moment. The helpline is open this morning from 9am until 2pm, do give them a ring and have a chat, there here to support you through this.
Calls to the helpline are free, 0808 800 6000.
Take care,
Jo, Facilitator
Hi Anji
It must be something in the air as I’ve turned into a rottweiler the past couple of days,poor husband’s getting it in the neck just for breathing! And now the bloody freezer’s broken so I suppose I’ll spend the morning clearing that up while he goes to work,goodness knows what I’m gonna do with all the food that’s defrosted…guess I could eat all the ice-cream!
Maybe I’ve got delayed PMT, my period started a couple of days ago,11 days late,I thought the chemo had put paid to all that and assumed I’d have an early menopause as I’m 44,but now I don’t know.
Well,I don’t know about you but I feel abit better now,so Anji,log on and vent,get it all off your chest(no pun intended),take a deep breathe,give your other half a hug and carry on…we will get through this,
Lots of love,
Helen xx
Anji - what you’re going through is completely normal but crappy too - its one hell of a shock to hear you have breast cancer never mind having to loose a breast too and with the best will in the world others cannot understand unless you’ve been in that position. Its basically a grieving process albeit for your boob and your usual life and at the moment you can’t get your head round how life will be in the future so you go through alsorts of emotions and not in any particular order - from denial that you’re ill because you feel well to anger with everything including people you see everyday and having no tolerance - I loved that series “Mistresses” first time round but this time it really annoyed me that those stupid self centered women had nothing better to worry about than sex! So I didn’t watch it! And being tearful at the drop of a hat over the most daft things…you’ll get there, keep talking…mary x
Hi
I agree with all the above comments. When I went in for my WLE last week I was the only breast patient in the day ward. When I woke up there were three ladies in front of me who had been in surgery for removal of wisdom teeth .They were all grumbling about their pain and it made me so angry. They had no comprehension of real pain- ie the inner turmoil that we all go through.
It is a natural reaction. When I first found out I was very intolerant of absolutely everything and very snappy with my family. I think it is the people we love thst we take it out on the most.But three weeks later I’ve become a little more tolerant.
I found chatting on here really helped especially in those early stages. It made me feel that I was not alone
Keep chatting,
Love
Freddie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Anji
I’m 49, single parent with 12 & 20 year old sons, dx Dec Grade 2 Stage 2 36mm tumour homone positive. Mast & SNB Dec, 2/20 nodes micromets, full axillary clearance Jan, have now had 2 out of 4EC & 4 Taxol.
I went through all the ‘last times’ and what you’re experiencing is completely normal. I chose who I told (some people still don’t know) and I craved normality. After telling close friends, colleages and family (the ones I wanted to tell, which didn’t include my youngest son until after both ops) I asked my boss to announce it at staff meeting (I work with over 100 people and I wasn’t at the meeting!). Felt much better then but I never really grieved much for my breast as I just wanted to get rid of the disease whatever. The ops weren’t half as bad as I thought they would be but I didn’t have any complications.
I craved normality and carried on working and have immense support there.
Sometimes you want to shut yourself away and cry and that’s ok too. I found going for a long walk, sometimes on my own, sometimes crying helped too.
Do you have a breast care nurse? Mine is wonderful and I use her lots.
This is a stage in your life (a bad one, I know) but in most cases we are able to get through it, put it behind us and carry on living a full life again and that is how I cope. It’s that positivity and determination thing which I know doesn’t work for everyone, but it does for me, and faith in the professionals around you. The anger and grief has to be got through too though and hopefully the people who love you will support you through it.
As I said earlier, what you are experiencing is completely normal Anji and it helps me to know that I am not alone going through it.
Hope this helps some way - remember you can chat on here anytime if you need to.
Take care,
Janetx