I was diagnosed with BC in July last year and needed a single sided masectomy with reconstruction am waiting for ovary removal and am on tamoxifen. My husband has been amazing but since July we have only been intimate once. He kisses and cuddles me all the time but says when it comes to sex he feels stuck. He says he just wants to protect me and doesnt know how to get passed feeling stuck. Has anyone else had this. We had such a good sex life before BC so this is alien to our relationship we are both 49 and have been together 30 years. Advise very much welcome 
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Hi Moonpig
For us it was me that felt stuck. Weâre similar in age to you and also have always had a good sex
life. I lost all my libido overnight. Using hormone creams has helped but I felt too vulnerable and frankly fed up of being touched and âseenâ after 18 months chemo and mastectomy. Nothing feels sexy.
I would just say you are doing really well to be feeling confident in yourself and the fact you want to be intimate is a huge win. It might help to adjust the norm and go slowly without expectation, just see what happens. Prove to him that he wonât break you and that your body still reacts the same way it did before. I also found not being in my âsick bedâ helped. A change of scene to take away the association.
Good luck xx
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Hi Moonpig
Thanks so much for posting this question.
We seem to share so little about the impact bc has on our sex lives.
Iâm 59 and 11mths on from diagnosis, I definitely think the name of the game is patience.
My situation is different to yours. I was in a new relationship when diagnosed, very healthy sex life. I had bilateral surgery last April, L mastectomy without reconstruction and R lumpectomy, followed by 5mths of chemotherapy. After starting chemotherapy, my libido disappeared immediately, I experienced instant severe vaginal atrophy and I really could not bear the thought of being touched or sex.
Even though I had no libido, I really missed our intimacy. After some time, I read up a bit and made a decision to have sex without libido. I found a really good natural lubricant and slowly bit the bullet. I donât regret it all. It really helped with the atrophy and closeness with my man.
I finished chemotherapy in November. My libido is reappearing and the atrophy is receding. Iâm taking letrozole and havenât noticed any impact in the sexual area so far.
Things are much changed. Itâs definitely a work in progress. Iâm not yet comfortable being seen completely naked and keep my bra on and my bust area doesnât much feature in my sex life anymore but somehow that seems ok.
Sorry, Iâve not offered advice! If I were to offer any, Iâd say to your husband âFeel the fear and do it anywayâ. In my experience the longer we avoid it, the harder it becomes to begin again.
Wishing you a healthy, happy and sexy 2025. Hugs
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Hi @moonpig0114
Iâm glad youâve reached on the forum, although Iâm sorry to hear what youâre going through.
98% of women with breast cancer struggle to be sexually intimate according to new research so youâre certainly not alone, although this number focuses on those going through treatment rather than partners.
We have some information on our website that you may find useful on this topic: Intimate relationships and breast cancer | Breast Cancer Now. I hope you and your partner can find a solution that works for you.
Sending our warmest,
Lucy
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