Hi there,
I’m a bit younger than your mum but i was devasted, I really thought myl life was over. However, we all deal with things differently. I couldn’t bear to face anyone because I didn’t think I could deal with their emotions. In the end I told people by a jokey email…testing the NHS, being spoiled a bit, having a remodelled body etc. Everyone was great to me. I didn’t want to be treated as a patient or a sick person, I wanted to have nice treats but be as normal as possible!
I think not dwelling on it as the be all and end all, but also give your mum space to grieve for her old self, be scared or be angry if she wants to. Mums often hide things so they don’t upset their children, but she may not want to be upbeat all the time, as it might be a pretence.
I’ve heard that a simple mx is a quick op in surgeons time, but you dnt say whether your mum has been offered a reconstruction now or later. It all seems to be happening very quickly. I do think there’s a tendency for women to be rushed thro without really being able to weight things up. My initial thought was just give me the easiest, quickest op…which would be a simple mx with no recon. However they wanted me to have more tests, so in the meantime I had time to get over the shock and move on to thinking about the future. I opted for the most intricate of recons, using fat from my tummy, but there are lots of other options. It’s easier to decide to have a reconstruction beforehand than later, as it affects the amount of skin if you know what I mean. At 66 your mum has a good few years to enjoy life, so I hope she was offered options. Some ladies don’t have any concerns about the need for losing a breast, so recon isn’t for everyone but if it is a choice then the results can be very good.
There are stages to all this, there’s the initial and post op emotional support part that you can offer. Then there’s the practical stuff of everyday living, transport to appointments, and household things, though actually i had a big recon op involving tummy surgery too, but I live alone and was on my own a few days after coming home, so those can be overcome with planning. There’s the personal side of it all,like finding bras that are comfy, which takes forever and changes as the wound changes and also depends on other treatement, so that takes you to whether your mum is offered radiation(unlikely after a mx) or chemo as that will require more support.
I hope she will find a way to tell people who are close to her and able to help, to invite her for tea, and to ensure she can get out and about back into her old life. Breast cancer changes you, but you are still the same person inside, with all the same needs and maybe more wishes!!
Happy to help in any other way,
Best wishes
Nonsuch