After two ops without clear results my 36 year old wife is due to have her breast removed. The trauma and anxiety levels are clearly taking a toll. Can anyone help me better understand what my beautiful wife is going through and how I can support her through this? This next step is so personal that no one has been told across our extended family and friends. She’s so afraid of other people gossiping and having an opinion.
Hi Soulmate
Firstly, I am sorry to hear that your lovely wife is having to go through this horrid experience.
I was 38 when I had my mastectomy, so I have some understanding of how your wife might be feeling right now (as will many other ladies on here).
Your wife is probably feeling very scared, almost fearful… She may be wondering how she is going to face waking up with no breast. What clothes she can wear. Which type of bra for example would be suitable post surgery. Perhaps she is wondering about physical pain and when she will be able to drive/ lift etc. Something else which your wife may be thinking about Soulmate, is her relationship with you. Will that change and how you may view her new post surgery body. She may also be thinking about how she will come to terms with her mastectomy and whether this is going to affect her confidence in herself and in her own body.
At some point, your wife may feel angry and resentful (given her relatively young age).
Are there any family members/friends whom your wife feels comfortable confiding in Soulmate? This is life saving, yet life changing surgery, so a good support network is essential.
Each and every woman who has to face this surgery, deals with their pack of cards differently; there is no right or wrong way to feel. Does your wife have access to a breast care nurse at all? Maybe you could show her this site and point her to the helpline number, just so she can vent her fears?
You are right, the next step of your wifes journey is very personal, but it is also doable.
Take small steps at a time and just be ‘there’ for her. Try not to tell her how she should be thinking or feeling at the moment because her head is probably a whirl of questsions and thoughts.
Wishing you both the very best.
Naz
Helo,
So sorry for your experiences, but well done on seeking advice and support. There is a luttle booklet by Cordelia Galgut, emotional support through breast cancer. I found it an excellent booklet and loaned it to another who helps support those with this diagnosis. She too found it excellent.
Many people wont know what to say, some will say the most thoughtless things.
You sound a fabulous support, good luck to you and yours,
LL x
Hi Naz, Lexilou3,
What a week this has been…Sunday night and my Wife is tinkering around the house and I’m sensing things are being bottled up as she seems so strong and with the ‘oh well’ kind of attitude. I’m thinking wow good for you maybe you have accepted this is for the best, or maybe, its being bottled up. I dropped off to the day case centre and she made the 100 yard walk into the centre alone. She looked amazing and spritely. It must be hell for her in reality, all the worries and thoughts racing through her mind on her way to face the inevitable. Whats worse is the fact no one can go in with her. No one to hold her hand, tell her they love her and hold her tight. I drove home and made myself busy to pass the time. I called at 12:30 and the op was over and she was in recovery. An hour later I had another call from recovery asking me to come over straight away. Frightening call at first but it was for me to come and comfort her as she came around from the effects of the antithetic. We have spent the last week partly in hospital and the remainder at home. The drain was removed today and next week we go back for the results and hopefully everything is clear and we can move onto the next step.
My wife’s sister and mom have provided some support and her dad is a gem looking after our 1yo baby boy and his older two sisters. I will point her to this site and hopefully she might find some info to help. I have also downloaded the book recommended onto Kindle and will study it from front to back. (here’s the link if anyone else reading this is interested emotionalsupportthroughbreastcancer.co.uk/ )
Thank you both for taking the time to send a response to my post.
Wishing you peace, love, health and happiness. 
Hello again,
Thank you for your wishes, i would just like to add i became most unsettled as my active treatment (surgery and radiotherapy ended). I was hit hard by terrible fatigue and was frustrated that i wasnt seeming to resume my old life sooner. I am kinder to myself now, and have changed my job. I have great friends but only my young adult children at home. I have a better life work balance.
LL x