Hi all,
Hoping for some help/advice if at all possible.
My wife has been diagnosed with BC two sites in her left breast. One is deemed stage 2 and the other stage 1 but the scan is saying the lymph nodes are clear. This was all just within the last month, she was told that she needs a mastectomy which is due this coming Tuesday 26th March. She was advised that there was no treatment required pre-op and is having the reconstruction done at the same time. Is this seen as a positive in the grander scheme of things? It seems that it has been detected early but I am all over the place and not sure what is front of us. She is under 40 and far too young for all this. Sorry for the ramble but any similar experiences anyone could share?
I’ve no medical training, only my own experience to go by. It’s interesting how hard it is to ask the questions we need to ask the consultant at the time! When I got my first bit of bad news (unexpected by the consultant, let alone me) I just said f*** and nothing more. Went off for some more tests. In fact, I’ve asked as few questions as possible, knowing how I can tend to catastrophise. I’ve just gone with the flow and it’s helped my mental outlook tremendously. However, this may help ease your mind a bit:
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The fact that your wife is not immediately being given chemotherapy before surgery is a very positive indication for her prognosis.
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The fact that the lymph nodes are not affected is even better. Mine were so I had to have chemotherapy. However, halfway through my long treatment, I am officially cancer-free.
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Reconstructions are affected by radiotherapy so that would suggest that she won’t even have that treatment and will move on to drug therapy alone.
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Early detection is great news. In many cases, surgery to remove the tumours, followed by drug therapy, is sufficient treatment.
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I’ve found the fear around breast cancer is very destructive and ‘a little knowledge is an dangerous thing.’ My advice is avoid googling, write down your and your wife’s questions and take or email them to your consultant and trust their judgment. If you get no reply, press for one. Make a pest of yourself if you have to but get your answers. It’s a very scary and unsettling time but you can do a lot to help with a positive outlook. You can only feel positive if you get your answers from the people treating your wife.
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Make sure your wife is assigned a named breast care nurse - there are so many little practicalities you just can’t predict and she will need someone to turn to for quick answers and advice.
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My husband has been brilliant and I couldn’t have got this far without his unwavering support and care - but his anxiety is sometimes obvious and makes me feel I’ve got to protect him. I hope you don’t infer any criticism from this but do make sure you know how your wife feels about it all. It’s your wife’s breast cancer so try to let her take the lead and take your cues from her? She may be happy with what she’s been told already and rocking the boat may not help her. Supportive partners can make all the difference. On the other hand, partners need support too - I’m told it’s rather lonely so forums like this are a boon. Good luck to you both I hope it goes smoothly.
Hi RonMich01, first I’m really sorry you’ve found yourself on this site but it’s a huge source of support for both of you.
your wife’s situation doesn’t sound too dissimilar to mine. I was diagnosed in December, had three types of cancer in one breast but no lymph node involvement so had a mastectomy and reconstruction done on the same day. No chemo and no radiotherapy but now on letrozole after starting with Tamoxifen.
Before my surgery both me and my husband went through the full gammet of emotions but once the surgery was done we were both able to focus on my recovery and approached it together. He has always come to all my appointments and we made sure he saw my scar the same time I did. My scars were, and still are incredible so don’t be afraid of them you’ll be amazed how neat they will be. The drain was a bit of a bother as while it was in sleeping was tough and I couldn’t shower. Hubby helped as and when I needed him to but he knows I’m fiercely independent so he stood back when he knew it was important for me to do stuff myself. The fact that you’re on this forum says a lot about you so I’m sure you’ll be just as supportive of your wife as my husband has been for me. Keep yourself very busy while your wife is in surgery, my husband said those hours waiting were the toughest of the lot and stay strong. Any questions don’t hesitate to ask xx Melanie
Hi Ronmich 01, I know today was your wife’s surgery day. Hope it has all gone ok and you and your daughters were able to keep each other company. Send her my best wishes and tell her I hope she makes a full and swift recovery xx Melanie