@belle1 @rrey Ask the nurse to inject a small amount then wait 30 seconds to allow the anaesthetic to kick in. Then slowly inject for the next 5 minutes. I had 11/12 injections before a wonderful nurse did this and I barely felt anything after the first prick.
The only thing you can do is trust what they are saying x If predict is indeed showing such a small percentage I can understand why they are saying chemo etc Woukd t be beneficial.
It is harsh therapy at the end of the day and if itās only offering a 1% increase then they wonāt want to bombard you with unnecessary chemicals x
I was told I probably wouldnāt need chemo but the after surgery pathology showed five seperate invasives of 2, 2.5, 3, 5 and 7 mm and an area of DCIS covering 154mm so suddenly I was told chemo was a definite.
My oncologist said my predict score showed a 6 % increase in prevention which is quite high , although I donāt know if she was working from old or updated predict
Thank you so much for everyone that took the time to reply to me yesterday. I had the best day Iāve had in weeks thanks to your positive and supportive comments 
I have spoken to my childrenās schoolsā and made them aware and theyāve been so supportive and informed us that they have the staff on hand to support her/us if/when needed which is very reassuring. We were given books from my BCN when I received my diagnosis and made it very clear that whatever worries/questions they may have to just ask them, however small they may seem. Itās the hardest part in all this for me, seeing the worry on my 9 year old daughterās face.
Thanks again everyone x
Good morning, Wonderful Women!
Sorry for the radio silence; I had my day in London on Sunday which was brilliant and then yesterday was a very busy work day, followed by final radiotherapy and then my Mumās birthday. However, I did manage to quickly read all the messages above and I actually punched the air in the kitchen and shouted āYes, girls!ā when I saw the overwhelming response to our lovely new member @scaredmum1 . This is what itās all about; being there to support each other when we are falling. So welcome, welcome to you and I hope your feet are firmly planted on the ground and you have taken a deep breath because this virtual hug is at least 5 minutes in duration!! What great advice everyone has given you and you are quite right, we are a positive bunch and there really is so much to be positive about once you get over the initial shock and horror of the diagnosis. But the beauty of this forum is that itās also a place to vent and rant and worry if you need to. Back in December and January, I would have a positive day, instantly followed by a day when Iād fall into a black hole and be on here with the ladies pulling me out by my fingertips. Itās all ok and is exactly why we are here. You are so young to go through this and to have small children makes it doubly hard so you must use us. We all know what you are going through and we rally round each other when the going gets tough. 31st October is Thursday when we will be thinking of you and please let us know how it goes. I so remember everyone telling me to stay positive at the same point and itās almost meaningless without them giving you a positivity toolkit to go with it. They donāt know what else to say. My boss was the best as heās had Stage 3 lung cancer and skin cancer. No tiptoeing around from him. His response was āYouāve got cancer. As long as you catch it early, youāre ok. Put cancer in a box and get on with your life!ā He then gave me a tender to apply for which certainly distracted me as it was so bloody complicated. I much preferred that response to all the sympathetic looks and āStay positiveā advice. I put that and all the other info that actually helped me on a Positivity Document that I looked at every time I was faltering. Iāll send it to you if you like. Itās pretty good.
@arty1 Not only do I LOVE your Post-Apocalypse Warrior more than I can say, but how fitting that you created that character the day before diagnosis. She is who you have to be now. Your mum sounds wonderfully inspirational. I take strength from women like that so thanks for sharing.
@MoonAndWaves - Great that you answered @ahmamma I KNEW there were some of us whoād been in the same situation. So good to hear that you had a 3 year all clear mammogram. As @kartoffel said, we donāt always hear from the people who have finished treatment and gone out to live their lives happily with it all behind them, so itās heartening to hear where you are now with it all.
@jaffaboob I had never heard of a Dragonboat racing group. That looks so cool. Now that IS a positive thing to do. Such great exercise. Iām rather sorry I donāt live near a river now! 
As I said earlier, it was my final radiotherapy yesterday and the lovely team at Marsden asked me what I would be doing to celebrate. I told them that I was off to Mamma Mia - The Party on 16th November with my girlfriends which they thought was an excellent idea. They left the room to start my final session and what music do you think came bursting through the speakers in the radiotherapy suite? And so it was that I didnāt spend my last one feeling emotional, as I had been warned I might, but instead spent it with a big smile on my face humming along to āTake a Chance on Meā and āHoney Honeyā. What an awesome touch.
Better do some work so bye for now and you really are the best bunch.
Salbert
xxxx
Yay radiotherapy done @salbert 
( nearest emoji I could find for slapping a bench, BTW that seems to have taken off, I read it on numerous threads). So pleased your last radiotherapy was so positive, having that music play would have made all the difference. I had some rubbish radio station playing very quietly in the background and then cried my eyes out as I realised it was all over.
Iām so glad @scaredmum1 that the responses from this group have been of help. What a great bunch we are! As msny have said dont be afraid to rant, cry and express your fears, weāve all been there. Dont be worried aboit asking questions, evenn if you think they are silly, i expect the BCNs hsve heard it all before. Many of us are towards the end of our treatment journeys and there is light at the end of the tunnel. The young women together group sounds like a good idea and if you do hsve to have chemo (you may not) the monthly starters groups are a lifeline.
@arty1 you are indeed a warrior, so that was a great costume. We are all superheroes for getting through this.
Iāve just had two days of radiotherapy out of five, the treatment is fine - in and out in 20 minutes, but the journey is a nightmare and parking horrendous! It took an hour 15 yesterdsy when it should take 40 minutes because of roadworks on motorway and other road closures and diversions all over the place and when you get to hospital there is nowhere to park and people are just cruising round car park for a space, i have to get someone to take me so they csn just wait in car for me, i think iāll take my daughter with me tomorrow as she has a disabled badge and there seems to be more disabled spaces. Sorry rant over.
Onwards and upwards.
Welcome to the forum @scaredmum1
I am so glad that you have posted here, the forum is a very kind and supportive place - as you can see by the responses youāve already had here.
Your feelings of anxiety and fear are completely valid and something that a lot of people here experience.
We hope you find this a supportive place and please know if you ever want to chat things through or ask any clinical questions, our breast care nurses are here. You can reach them on 0808 800 6000.
Thinking of you,
Lucy
@scaredmum1 so sorry that you find yourself here but Iām so glad you have posted. This group is so so supportive and will be with you every step of the way, knowing exactly what youāre going through.
I was 38 when I was diagnosed in May and I also have 2 children, weāre 7 and 5 at the time of diagnosis. How youāre feeling is so normal - itās news you never expect to hear and news that turns your life upside down in an instant. The worries and fears are normal but I promise you will be strong enough to face this. Those worries and fears will become background noise and you will face this head on and smash it.
When I was diagnosed I cried every day (multiple times) for about 2 months. The thing that got me most was the thought of the impact it would have on my children. The guilt of that ate away at me and I struggled to cope. I accessed counselling through my work and that, coupled with this forum, has turned my mindset around. At the start of counselling I was asked to describe how I felt and I said desperate, hopeless, in despair. But now when asked I say hopeful. Donāt get me wrong, I still have bad days where I need to cry, but they are less and they donāt dictate my life.
You can only take things one step at a time and deal with what you know. I remind myself of that a lot. It helps me to remain rational and stop spiralling. If youāre spiralling, try some mindfulness techniques to bring you back into the moment and what you know as fact. Everything else is opinion and speculation and not helpful. Youāve got this and weāve got you - lean on this group for support.
Thanks to everyone for replying about the phesgo after pain - it lasted for afew days and then went. She defo did it too fast so next time Iāll be following the advice on here and asking them to go slow. I also spent the day in a&e on Monday as Iāve caught a cough and cold off my youngest and my temp spiked. They had no space for me in the cancer centre but the a&e staff were amazing - the oncology drs and nurses co-ordinated my care through a&e and I felt very looked after. I was also very lucky and grateful that my temp was brought under control and I was allowed home with antibiotics as it was my birthday yesterday and I really didnāt want to wake up in hospital on my birthday! I got my surgery date for 28th November last week aswell and am having a magseed put in this week. Definitely feel ready to move onto the next phase of treatment.
Keep going everyone 
xx
You literally just explained every detail of how Iām feeling. This is all so scary. Iāve had a couple of absolutely awful days, made even worse by half term and trying to keep the kids busy. I also tried to get back to work yesterday (from home) thinking it would take my mind off of it all but it just didnāt happen which also makes me sad. I never thought Iād be sad about not working thatās for sure! Missing my ānormalā 
@scaredmum1 I got prescribed some anti-anxiety medication by my GP when I was where you are now and it really helped. It is called Mirtazapine. I also did counselling where I could just pour it all out. I went walking every day listening to Eckhart Tolle podcasts and tried just about every app that helped like the CALM app and The Tapping Solution. You have to throw everything at it and see what works for you. Your mind is taking you to places that you donāt need to go to. I was trying to have a conversation about metastatic breast cancer and how long I had left with one of my breast cancer nurses who said to me that we were not going to have that conversation as we werenāt there yet. She was right.
I would also call the breast care nurses on here as @LucyJ_BCN suggests. They are really great. I got into a spiral one Saturday morning after Googling and one of them talked me back to reality. I was very grateful.
Iām going to DM you my Positivity Document too. It sounds a bit w*nky but itās all the positive info that other people gave me along the way and I recorded it all. You will know more tomorrow. If you are not sleeping then that will also be making everything feel bleaker. Sleep deprivation distorts everything. This time will pass. I promise you that you will not feel like this forever. Itās that awful limbo time that you are in right now. Sending you love and strength to hang on in there.
@rrey Iām so sorry you ended up in A&E on Monday. I have the utmost respect for anyone navigating this journey with little children. It must be a whole different ballgame. I stopped teaching for 2 terms so that I wouldnāt be around the bugs and could conserve energy but you donāt have that option. Iām really glad the care you got was so good. Happy Birthday for yesterday. I hope you got to enjoy it despite everything.
@pennyp Sorry you are also having a nightmare journey to and from treatment. Iām so glad you are almost through radiotherapy. Yesterday was my first day without doing the trip (not that mine was a bad one) and I was so glad not to have to set out after work like I have for the past 3 weeks.
Thanks @naughty_boob , it certainly feels like another milestone. Love the bench emoji!! Slapping a bench feels so good and I do believe we need to do something if there is no bell where we are being treated. I also think that to play upbeat music for the final radiotherapy would be a great thing for the teams to adopt as it seems quite common that people get emotional for the last one.
Love to all,
Salbert
x
@scaredmum1 i know everyone has said it, but you are in the worst part right now. You have a diagnosis but no plan. When you get your treatment plan and you begin down that road, you will have something to focus on.
I read something when I was diagnosed and canāt remember where, but someone said that their oncologist had asked them to give him a year of their life for treatment and he would give them 50 years back.
I know exactly what you mean about craving your ānormalā. I described my diagnosis to my counsellor as a turning point in my life - there was my life before and my life after and I felt that my life after diagnosis would never be the same. And I wanted my old life back. My life is different now, but I think Iāve accepted that. Iām still very much in treatment - I had chemo from June to mid October and am due surgery next month, radiotherapy after that and targeted therapy until next August. But this seems to have become my new normal. Itās amazing how quickly humans adapt and I know life will never be the same as it was, but Iām hoping it will be better. Iām hoping Iāll have a new appreciation for life after all this and a new perspective on whatās important and whatās not.
I know itās difficult for you right now, but I promise you wonāt feel like this forever. You need to go through this phase, but it will not last. Better days are coming. Youāve done so well to try and go back to work so soon - I took several weeks off after diagnosis to try and process what was happening. Itās like a grief. The only thing I can say is to put yourself first and do what feels right with work - it will still be there when youāre ready to pick it back up.
I also agree that itās more difficult when the kids are at home - you have the pressure of keeping them entertained and caring for them whilst being consumed by all this. And itās a lot to take on. And it makes you feel guilty. I felt so guilty all summer that I couldnāt be the mum my kids deserved. I gave myself a really hard time over it and it just made me feel more s**t. But I underestimated how resilient kids are - theyāre much better than adults! And they wonāt remember this - I told myself that I couldnāt change what was happening but I could make my kids proud by how I approach this and how I deal with it. I still have lots of guilt - we were supposed to be going to Disney world last week and had to cancel. But my husband has taken the kids away today for 6 nights so they can have a holiday as itās so important to me that they get away and have a wonderful time. With or without me.
I remember being where you are now and Iām sending you so much love. Hang on, keep putting one foot in front of the other and you absolutely will get there.
Please feel free to pm me if you need anything xx
I had a call with my oncologist this morning and told him about my headaches and rib soreness. He thinks theyāre probably SE of one of the 15 million things that Iāve been doing in the last couple of months treatment-wise but heās happy to send me for a scan if it would make me feel less anxious and Iām not sure if his quickness to send me for a scan makes me more or less anxiousā¦ 
@kartoffel And just like that, scanxiety is back. I guess itās something we have to learn to live with. Iāve booked onto the Moving Forward course this morning as I have just finished reading Ticking Off Breast Cancer and her talk of recurrence has done quite a good job of bringing Fear back into the room. Iād done quite a good job of banishing Fear for most of this year. Itās a bloody rollercoaster, however well you do at staying upbeat. And you are brilliant at that. I hope your scan comes through fast and these are just side effects. I think you need more potatoes.
@rrey I LOVE hearing that too. That quote is a keeper.
Actually, this has led me to thinking about what people do to stay positive. I use distraction, i.e. going walking listening to really upbeat music, also I think about how many people get through this and how great our statistics are. I try not to focus on the bad news, just the good news. I have friends who have been breast cancer free for between 1 or 2 years, right up to 10 years and even 30 years. I have my aforementioned Positivity Document where I have recorded everything that I need to remind myself of the positives when I am struggling. Also I have you guys. What do other people do?
xx
@salbert Did it ever leave? I think I have to be encouraged by the fact that he says its probably nothing and know that since Iām private, it means they can bill my insurance for the scan.
Iāve now booked some holiday time and had some puppy snuggles to help myself feel better. There will be potatoes later, because one can never have enough potatoes.
Only just catching up as was busy with getting the house ready for Halloween and ferrying my 14 year old around to sleepovers !
@pennyp - I donāt feel like a warrior , but I do a good impression of one 
the parking nightmare is not what you need when going for cancer treatment 
@salbert Celebrations and bench slapping all round ! It must be a relief to finish the radiotherapy and I love that they played ABBA for your final treatment !
@scaredmum1 I hope joining us here has helped to make you feel less alone , we are all here to collectively hold your hand and support you, remember that you only ever hear the doom and gloom stories in the news etc and you donāt hear about the literal thousands of women who are well and living life after breast cancer x
@rrey I love that reference from the oncologist , At 52 I donāt think Iāll get another 50 years ā¦ but Iād be happy with thirty odd ! X So sorry you ended up in a and e , My youngest is 14 so I canāt imagine what itās like going through this with younger children
@kartoffel Holidays and puppy snuggles are absolutely up there on my list of things that make me happy. My new dog has brought such joy into our lives. This pic is of her right now, trying to entreaty me to play ball rather than work. And it is working! She has me twisted right round her little paw.
I shall also be having a jacket potato for lunch. As we know, potatoes are at the top of the list for all-time fabulous things to get you through life. In whatever form they take. Keep us posted re the scan.
@scaredmum1 How did yesterday go?
@arty1 I bet Halloween was something to behold in your house. I bet you put your neighbours into the shade!
I want to add to what you say about the women who are well and living life after breast cancer. This is true; we donāt hear from them nearly as much and it seems that if youāve ever Googled cancer (and letās face it, we all have) then your algorithms throw up all the bad news and advertisements and just about everything cancer related that the internet can throw at you. You have far more chance of getting over it and living life well and cancer-free than you do of the more doom-laden alternative. Letās focus on that.
Love to all,
Salbert
xx
Morning Everyone
I hope you are doing OK.
Sorry for being quiet, round 2 of kadcyla last Friday floored me down and I am only starting to feel a bit better today.
I have been very nauseous for 5 days despite infusion premeds and ondenstron for 3 days. More bone pains and now nose bleeds. I managed to work I donāt know how, nasty tasks to do which did not help.
I also saw my surgeon on Tuesday when I could barely stand up so imagine the 2 hour 30 min return trip to get thereā¦ to then get awful news that I need revision surgery unless I am not bothered. What supposedely was seroma 4 weeks ago wasnāt. It was a poor job and not the aesthetic flat closure I was supposed to get. Poor stitching with bumps of skin and scar tissue. It is on the left side of my chest only, the right one is OK ish. Pretty upset with my surgeon. I canāt stay like that and really donāt want more surgery. That was the point of going flat, quicker recovery one op and that is it. My whole experience at Royal Marsden has been poor.
Oh @marionse25 Iām sorry you have been feeling so rotten with your treatment and that you need revision surgery. You are rightly very upset from being told itās a seroma to needing more surgery. Could you get a second opinion? Maybe speak to your hospitals PALs to see if they can help. Poor surgery is not something you should be accepting and I realise with your kadcyla treatment you feel rough with little energy to complain.
Have you anyone that can help you with this? As soon as I had my breast cancer diagnosis I applied for Power of Attorney for finance and health so my family can legally speak for me if I need them to. I realised that especially during chemo I was very vulnerable and although my husband could accompany me, I had to be present and keep giving him authority to speak on my behalf. Now with a POA I have the peace of mind to know my family can talk for me should I need it. It does take months (about 3) for everything to go through. Martin Lewis Money Expert always says itās never too early.
Thinking of you
