here i go again

just when things were starting to get better from the last time ---- long story! but I am suffering from depression triggered { in part } i think by the implications of “waiting” on results from the last lump i had a few months ago ------ i found another lump. my GP has made me an appointment for Monday to check for any changes in it since I saw her a couple of weeks ago but its still there! it hasnt changed and i just know that i am going to have to go through the whole waiting thing again. this is now the third time in three years that this has happened to me. how many times can i keep on being “lucky” where its not BC? i,m not obssessive about checking for lumps, more the opposite but now that its there and i know its there i can feel the old feelings coming back. worry, stress, fear. panic attacks. sorry to rant but i feel that i need to tell someone how i feel as i have noone to talk to about it. my family have supported me through everything but i feel like the little boy in the story who cried wolf 3 times in a way as it has been ok before, but what if its not?

Same way as you - three years of tests and we can SEE the problem but not find it to do anything about it; see my post I have got to the point where i can barely tell my family that it is ‘back’ or ‘changed again’.
I have been told that i am ‘imagining myself into these symptoms’ or that it is all a need for attention! If i wanted attention i would run round the middle of town stark naked and tie myself to railings outside a bank!
I was back at clinic yesterday and again same u/s showed clear (only did one small section and not where vascular mass was found previously).
You are not along - so if there are two already today imagine how many more there are of us going though this … and for years and years …
Just keep going to your appointment and know that they do not get you appointments in short time if they believe you are imagining it …
This bunch have been here for me on and off now for three and half years - i just hope one day to get out of this waiting room as i have read all the mags, moved the chairs and seen friends come in and leave to a ‘normal’ life.
Good luck

i am due to go to the docs soon so she can check it again. she said the last time when i saw her that if it was still there when i came back to see her shed refer me to the clinic. its still there. just cant believe im going to have to go through all this again. waiting!