here is a funny for you all

How to give a cat a pill.

  1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

  2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process.

  3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

  4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat’s head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

  5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

  6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat’s head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat’s mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.

  7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.

  8. Tie the little angel’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat’s throat to wash down pill.

  9. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.

  10. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.

lol lol lol

As a cat owner myself, (does anyone really own cats or do they own us??!!!), I can really relate to this!

Nice one, louby!
xxx

That really has made me chuckle.
what a funny story

Jules x

Oh Loubyjane your post had me in stitches (no pun intended!!!)

Just what we need on a cold and miserable day. Thank you!!

Janette xx

I have 5 cats …well they have me if you know what i mean!!

Wal Mart has everything !

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, >Joe says to Mike behind him,‘MyElbow hurts like hell. I guess I’d better >see a doctor.’‘Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,’ Mike >replies’There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a >urineSample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do >aboutIt.It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . A lot cheaper than >aDoctor.

'So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to >Wal-Mart.He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for >the urineSample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.Ten seconds >later, the computer ejects a printout:'You have tennis elbow. Soak your >arm in warm water and avoid heavyActivity. It will improve in two weeks. >Thank you for shopping @Wal-Mart.

'That evening, while thinking how amazing >this new technology was, JoeBegan wondering if the computer could be >fooled.He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples >fromHis wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.Joe hurries >back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results.

He deposits tenDollars, >pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.The computer prints the >following:

  1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

  2. >Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

  3. >Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

  4. Your wife is >pregnant. Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.

  5. If you don’t stop >playing with yourself, your elbow will never getBetter!

Thank you for >shopping @ Wal-Mart

(_ _/)
(=‘.’=)
.() ()
(‘’)_(‘’)

Dogs have owners, cats have staff

very very true

Hi All

May I suggest that it may be more appropriate that this thread is continued in the chit chat and fun room.

Kind Regards
Sam
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care

TUT TUT TUT Mrs LJ he he he
told off again !!!

xxxx

What can I say!!! Nothing so it seams