Hey to all - diagnosed today

I’m 59 and been in India caring for a profoundly disabled child who is like a son to me after all this time! Back here on a visa run and found a lump at the end of April. Had mammogram, ultrasound, fine needle aspiration and Deep Core Biopsy this morning and was told it was cancer. Have to wait a few days to find out the ins and outs . Been told to expect 6 months radiation and 6 months chemo. BUT nothing will stop me getting back to my ‘son’ so I gotta get things moving I guess, after the pathology report. I can’t let this stand in the way after ten years of frustration and let-downs in India.

When ever I come away I have to put him into a children’s home and he gets abused more ways than I want to tell you, so there’s no way I can take a year out of my ‘son’s’ life and leave him there to rot. If you know anything about children’s homes in India, you’ll see my point!

I’m not in denial, I am just thinking about my child and we are THIS close to him coming to the UK. He finally got a school in March and they came out to India to assess him which he passed with great flying colours!

Hope I can glean some info from you all here. Yes, I am afraid. But the love for my little child is far stronger than cancer is.

Mackie - I have sent you a PM.

Thanks so much for sharing this -your strength has clearly already impacted on his life and I’m so hopeful that your treatment gets started soon and is successful as you are clearly meant to be here supporting him and making the most of both of your lives. I’m a great believer in the power of positive thinking and energy flows through my yoga practice so am sending you some now and will continue to do so. Do keep in touch and let us know how things go
All best wishes

hi mackie, what a moving story of your love for your boy, yes our children keep us fighting but they are here with us yours is so far away, i hope he can come "home " for good soon and you can really rest that he is safe with you good luck with all of this take care love rachel x

Thank you dear ladies - I’m turning in for today - bit sore and stuff and going to watch a DVD or something. Not really sure when the reality will hit me really - probably when I get the path reports. Please God that will be soon enough and then the planning will start - I just got to go back to India and get my little one’s study visa and bring him home!

Much love and many blessings to you all - this is one forum I never believed I would be registering with - but when this cancer shoot (!) happens, you need like minded people who have been there and done that, or who are still doing it. You, my friends, I know will be a great support to me and I sincerely hope that I can do the same in return for those yet to come.

Blessings to all.


Just seen his website on your profile and wonderful art work that he has done. Amazing! A special boy with a special “mum”

I am the blessed one here francesw - thanks for your kind words.

Yours user name makes me think you are living in the place that is my second home S.W. France (?) spent many wonderful years living there…ahhh!

Woke up this morning still either not really believing it has happened to me, or perhaps more like it has happened to someone close to me - I seem to be apart from myself…until I look at the dressings…but even then…

I guess it’s part of coming to terms, or whatever - I have never been here before…

My head is keeping me positive, but my heart wants to scream cry and shout - but I only think I’ll feel worse if I do that. I want to cry out to God and ask him “I thought that you didn’t bring us this far to have something happen like this, WHAT GIVES?” I must admit to having taken a couple of tranquilizers a couple of times a day, which I don’t like doing, but when I feel the panic welling up inside me, I have to do something or I know I’ll hyperventilate or something - I’ve kept my emotions under control for so many years I am afraid to let them go now…

love to all

and love to you too with lots of prayerful support too for some positive news for all of you

I’d love to think SW France was a second home - had wonderful holidays in France and could easily live over there and trust their medical treatment too…

Glad you are getting some help through this trauma that you’d never anticipated experiencing - I think tranquilzers and sleeping tablets are there for times of stress like this. We all only have so much emotional strength. Do you try to practice approaches like yoga breathing? I use this alot but do have to admit that if emotions are too stretched it can be difficult to focus…

Just sending love and positive thoughts that I hope help

I think the worst thing of all is having no one to physically talk with about this. Got some friends who have emailed, but are on different continents. Although I do have friends in Southampton, they are away in Florida and Brazil with work for the time being and alone is not good at a time like this. There is an old friend (fella) who’s 75 and is very good to me, but he is a terrible depressive who’s already written me off I think. He would give you his last penny or meal…but…

You ladies are my lifeline right now, and when I go back to India (as I will, regardless) I will be alone again, except for my little one - and he will have had enough to worry ab out - still not sure what the path report will tell me, but I’ll have to cross the ‘son’ bridge when I come to it.

Dear mackie

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Take care