Hi, introducing myself as suggested.
I was diagnosed on right in July this year, following a routine mammogram. Cancer was deep so not feelable by me, nor initially even by one member of medical team. Was invasive ductal carcinoma, ER8, PGR8, HER2negative.
Had bilateral mammoplasty & SLNB in August.
LN clear. Initially was diagnosed as Grade 2 but post surgery pathology said Grade 3. So had Oncotype-DX too, which thankfully said wouldn’t benefit from chemotherapy.
Started Anastrozole in October. No problems so far:crossed_fingers:
(done 7 weeks, only another 253 to go!)
Just having radiotherapy now.
Bone scan next week to check base level density.
Have found website helpful throughout. Have looked at Forum on several occasions, and found that helpful too. Have only just joined as beginning to feel more lonely and a bit confused - have been carried along by all the activity until now, and now beginning to feel a bit lost, and also starting to worry about recurrence and side effects of Anastrozole .
With this timing, I hope to have a ‘New Year, New Start’ mentality from 1st Jan but don’t know how realistic that is…
Hi @mary4 welcome to the forum, I’m glad you’ve found both it and the BCN website useful. It’s very common to feel a bit lost and down once active treatment finishes. The shock of the diagnosis is somewhat lessened once you have your treatment plan as you are actively doing lots of things to get better. Then it finishes and you have time to think - my first thought afterwards was “what on earth just happened?”. I also think that then facing five or ten years on a drug seems insurmountable at the beginning. I remember looking at the box of Letrozole and working out how many of these boxes I would have to open before I was finished. No matter how supportive family and friends are, unless they have been through cancer treatment themselves, they may not get it which can lead to feelings such as those you are experiencing. But there are things you can do to ease yourself in to this new phase.
Breast Cancer Now offer a course to help you take the next steps in your recovery, either in person or online. You can find more about it here
https://breastcancernow.org/support-for-you/moving-forward/
There is also an opportunity to be matched with someone who has been where you are now with whom you can chat and feel less alone. You can have a look at that here
https://breastcancernow.org/support-for-you/someone-like-me/
If you have a Maggie’s Centre anywhere near you, it is very worthwhile to pop in. It’s like finding your tribe! And, of course, keep posting here as we all intuitively understand.
I wish you a lovely Christmas and a positive New Year. But if the NY doesn’t bring the change in outlook that you want, don’t get disheartened as coming to terms with what has happened and the fear of recurrence takes a while. It will happen but not immediately so be kind to yourself as you work towards it.
Hi everything you are saying is normal , you do get carried away with appointments scans treatment when it comes to a end you can feel lost
Breast cancer now does a moving on course which could help . Or speak to one of the nurses on the helpline I always found talking helps , when like me my treatment and surgery finished every one felt I was cured so never asked about me found it frustrating but I think people really don’t under stand unless they have been on this journey .
Wishing you best of luck for the future x
Hello @mary4
Just popping on to say “Hi” and welcome to the forum.
Your story resonates with a bit with mine, diagnosis after first routine mammogram too small and deep for me to have detected it at the time, swept along by appointments and being in the hands of the professionals and then nothing except the daily pill!
I didn’t really think I needed help or support thinking I could cope without, but fell off an emotional cliff just before my radiotherapy started, which is when I found these forums and also my local Maggie’s support group: that was 3 years ago. I’m happy to report I’m doing OK and I’m sure you will too.
Please feel free to reach out to any of the cancer support services they are truly wonderful and make such a difference
AM xxx
Hi Mary4
How you are feeling is very common. Whilst we are in the thick of it just after diagnosis and we see our consultant and breast care nurses regularly they carry us along. Once you get through it you can feel adrift, I know I did. After active treatment they send us on our way with just hormone therapy (if we’re one of the lucky ones) and we just have to get on with it.
That’s when the overthinking starts! What the heck just happened to me and what if it comes back! It takes time to recover from the trauma you have just been through. Hopefully you can still phone or email your nurse in the breast clinic but you can also speak to the nurses on this forum. You will still need support. You can also have counselling to come to terms with anxiety about recurrence. Macmillan can help you with this. It just takes time. Take every day as it comes. You will get there.
Have a lovely Xmas 
Hi @mary4
Everything the others have said is true . You get into this mindset of not looking ahead , going from appointment to appointment and not thinking too much because you need your strength and focus to get through all that . Then suddenly it stops - hello big yawning scary future that you don’t feel able to enjoy even though other people seem to expect that you will be jumping for joy . You need time to process and to learn to how to live with a slightly different you - it takes a bit of time . In common with others I also found the Moving Forwards course helpful . Don’t put too much pressure on yourself - there’s nothing wrong with how you are feeling xx
Thank you for your reply. Sorry not to acknowledge it before now. Post radiotherapy fatigue hit me like a sledgehammer 2 days after the final session. I wasn’t really ‘back to normal’ until the New Year. Then the rest of life was hectic.
I did a Moving Forward course in January, and found it helpful. After reading your response I’ll search for a Maggie’s Centre (although I don’t think there’s one near here). I think my feeling on ‘loneliness’/‘lostness’ is compounded by the fact that I was made redundant at the same time as my diagnosis - the day my diagnosis was confirmed was also my last day at work - it was a very surreal day!! So I’m trying to form a ‘whole new life’…
Thank you for your reply. Sorry not to acknowledge it before now. Post radiotherapy fatigue hit me like a sledgehammer 2 days after the final session. I wasn’t really ‘back to normal’ until the New Year. Then the rest of life was hectic.
I did a Moving Forward course in January, and found it helpful. I think I’m okay now but do still feel isolated. I may try the ‘someone like me’.
Thank you for your encouragement.
Thank you for your reply. Sorry not to acknowledge it before now. Post radiotherapy fatigue hit me like a sledgehammer 2 days after the final session. I wasn’t really ‘back to normal’ until the New Year. Then the rest of life was hectic.
I did a Moving Forward course in January, and found it helpful. I think I’m going to look out a Maggies, though not sure there’s one near me. I do fear the possibility of ‘falling off a cliff’ but think I’m doing okay at the moment.
Thank you for your encouraging reply
Thank you for your reply. Sorry not to acknowledge it before now. Post radiotherapy fatigue hit me like a sledgehammer 2 days after the final session. I wasn’t really ‘back to normal’ until the New Year. Then the rest of life was hectic.
I did a Moving Forward course in January, and found it helpful. I’ve not wanted to bother my wonderful original Breast Care Nurse since the New Year as I know how busy she is. We have an ‘Open Access’ thing here in the unit where I was diagnosed and treated. I think it’s where you get what I think is a ‘lighter touch’ breast care nurse. There’s been a delay moving me across, but I’ve got an appointment about that next month, so hopefully that’ll be a supportive thing.
Overthinking might be by worst enemy…
Thank you again
Thank you for your reply. Sorry not to acknowledge it before now. Post radiotherapy fatigue hit me like a sledgehammer 2 days after the final session. I wasn’t really ‘back to normal’ until the New Year. Then the rest of life was hectic.
I did a Moving Forward course in January, and found it helpful. I don’t know whether you kept in touch with people on yours, but very very few on ours have joined the WhatApp group, and we’re at quite a distance from each other.
I think you’re right about taking things gently and not putting pressure on myself is the right way forward.
Thank you for your reply
Hello again @mary4
My Moving Forwards course was online and although I got a lot out of it I didn’t really make any friends though as a lot of people kept a low profile and only 4 of us attended the last live session. I used the resources that were made available and the time ( I was still off sick ) to delve into certain things which helped me to sort my head out. The BCNs offered me a place on their support group which meets 4 times a year and a result of going there I e now joined a more informal group that meets monthly and occasionally in between for coffee afternoon tea and other events. I’m glad you found the Moving Forwards course helpful and maybe you could ask your BCN if there is something in your area . Sometimes even now it’s good to talk to someone who understands things that others don’t.
I’m really sorry to see that you were made redundant - I have heard that MacMillan are good in regards to employment and financial issues if you need them. There’s not much that’s good about being made redundant but after BC some people find their job isn’t a good fit for them anymore for one reason or another but when you feel you have recovered if you find that your priorities have changed you can look for something that you think will suit you. In 2019 a couple of years before being diagnosed with BC I had a retinal vein occlusion and my employers were good enough to give me reasonable adjustments on return and then because I turned 55 I was able to take a retire and return . It wasn’t lucky to have 2 awful health conditions in a short space of time but the adjustments and changes that were put in place in 2019/2020 meant that I was able to just slot back into my job but I couldn’t have gone back to my previous role .
I also was hit with a wave of fatigue after radiotherapy about 3 days post treatment - really bad for 8 or 9 days but it took 3 months to go properly . I’m sorry that you experienced it too and I’m glad that you’re feeling better . Xx
Hi @mary4.
I’m not quite as far along as you but similar in terms of diagnosis. I’m 46 so wasn’t eligible for regular mammograms but I found a lump in my left breast which was discovered to be cancer. It was ER8 PR8 and HER2 -ve. Grade 3. The little bugger was removed on Monday with a lumpectomy. I’ll know more about future treatment once I get results of tumour testing and SNB to see if there’s anything in the nodes. I’ve already been told I’m going to be prescribed tamoxifen due to the hormone receptors being so positive and me being pre menopausal.
I went to my local Maggie’s Centre the other week and it’s a beautiful place. I felt a little bit out of place as I hadn’t started treatment yet and felt like I was cheating a bit because i felt otherwise fine! But I was assured it was there to be used and it’s just a nice chill place. I’m lucky I have an employer with good sick policies but I’m already thinking I don’t want to return to my current role after treatment and I don’t know how I’m going to manage that. That’s a bit down the line though.
Hope the tiredness passes
Angela xxxxx