Hi all you lovely people.
I was diagnosed with BC on the 3rd April. I found a lump that was then scanned, biopsies taken ( from lymph nodes too)
I was initially told it was grade 2 IDC with focul lobular features. 32mm. Lymph nodes biopsies benign.
I went for an MRI the following day.
The results were that it’s more like 50mm and some lymph nodes looked “suspicious”
I have a CT scan Tuesday 16th and I’ll go for the results of that on the 17th.
I thought I handled stress quite well but seems not! I have a husband and 2 grown up daughters 28 and 28.
I have convinced myself that it’s EVERYWHERE. I cannot switch off and the stress is taking its toll and I’m honestly just quite scared.
Anyway, thanks for reading and sending love to everyone 
flanders sorry you find yourself here but glad you’ve reached out the not knowing everything while all the tests etc are going on is when your mind goes 
and your might Google dr Google till you’ve gone down to the bone. Please try and keep off dr Google, do ring the number on here and speak to a nurse if you want to I got a notebook and took to each appointment and wrote my questions in it and the answers I got. Not for everyone but helped me feel more in control a bit and that’s what you need to remember you are in control might not feel like it but you are remember your teams have seen it all before and your treatments will be tailored specifically to you step by step and one day at a time do ask away on here and when you’ve got your treatment plan do look at joining the threads as much or as little as you need bcn and everyone is here for you 
Shi xx
Thank you so much for replying.
Some days I feel very positive and in control and other days I’m a mess.
It’s right what people say, the waiting is truly awful
Flanders it is like a rollercoaster stay in and hold tight bcn has got you remember that treatments can also change during the journey too so do ask away on here if this happens plenty of us over the years have had changes to treatments 
your teams got you and know what to do take it day at a time, book your look good feel better at your Macmillan at your trust see what therapies you are entitled to have too, not all trusts give you all the information to what you are entitled to if you’ve a maggies centre at your trust do pop in and have a cup of tea and a chat if you want to you will find your own drum beat, but do ask away and chat away in here this is your safe space and everyone understands Shi xx
Sorry you are here .
On the day of my diagnosis , I didn’t sleep a wink and I thought I never would but I did . Once you have a treatment plan , you will feel better , mad as that seems . My lymphs are clear but I’m still convinced it’s spread . We all want to feel in control, unfortunately , cancer takes that away from you , for a while at least .
I went to a maggies this week . Wonderful place , so calm . Or a MacMillan centre ? X
Hi Flanders, your message reminded me so much of my diagnosis two years ago. I was also diagnosed with lobular breast cancer. I remember thinking I could feel the cancer growing inside my breast and I couldn’t wait to have the mastectomy to get rid of it. The team are probably doing all the right investigations so they can plan the best treatment for you. It’s a very stressful time but you will get through it. Waiting for results and making decisions about surgery is really hard, I would advise speaking to your breast care nurses, the ones at my centre were really good. 
Welcome to the group - I was diagnosed on the 20th March and a lymph node positive. Due for mastectomy and lymph node removal this week. The waiting is awful and the CT scan for me was the worst as I’d convinced myself it was everywhere!!! It wasn’t… so tell yourself, it’s been caught early, treatments are fantastic nowadays, lymph node involvement is very very common with bc. Hang on in there … I too couldn’t sleep, still not great really but I nap when I can and try desperately to just focus on one hurdle in front of me at a time otherwise it’s completely overwhelming.
Keep posting here … if I think of questions I search this forum as someone will have experience of it xx
Hi Donna. Thanks so much for your reply. The waiting for scans and results seems to be the worst part for many. The stress of it all is taking its toll on me and I’m only at the start of it all. Being peri menopausal as well is difficult to try and figure out if it’s those symptoms or stress or cancer! Sending lots of love and strength on your journey
X
Hi flanders678
Welcome to the forum!
You are not alone, the waiting for next steps is the worst part following the diagnosis as it is the unknown and unseen that puts your mind into overdrive. When I was going through my own diagnosis a few years ago it just felt that I was sitting on a ticking timebomb, but once I had the certainties, a treatment plan and knew what I was dealing with I felt more in control and talking my fears through with my breast cancer team really helped me to get a sense of perspective. I would advise reaching out to your team and letting them know how you are feeling, they hopefully can give you or point you in the direction of the support you feel you need. Take care x
Hi,
I was diagnosed with triple neg breast cancer last November. I’m 61 and also thought I could cope with most things, I’ve always been a pull your big girl pants up sort !!!
I was blown out of the water by my diagnosis and did not cope well at all. Now 4 months later I’m doing better.
Please be very kind to yourself, don’t be afraid to be honest with those around you about how hard your finding it.
Reach out to anybody who can help and be prepared for it to be a rollercoaster emotionally.
I definitely think it gets a bit easier psychologically once you have a treatment plan.
And tbh now I feel rough on chemo I feel better emotionally !!!
I decided to have medication as well, and take mirtazapine which more or less guarantees me a reasonable night’s sleep and helps a bit with mood, anxiety etc
Don’t be ashamed you aren’t coping like you feel you should.
I’ve been prepared to deck anyone who encouraged me to be a breast cancer warrior !!! Or do the moonwalk !!!
Much love and I promise time does make it easier to process and maybe one day I’ll be ready to Moonwalk !!!
Xxxx
Hi Vibby. Thanks so much for your reply.
Those intrusive thoughts are the devil! I said to my husband today that my body has never responded this way to stress to which he replied, you’ve never had cancer before though so be kind to yourself. Hopefully come Wednesday I’ll have a plan of action and will try and process things a bit better. I’m thinking too far ahead instead of taking it one day at a time. It does feel like my brains on a loop all day every day so it’s no wonder I’m exhausted. Sending you loads of love and thanks again for replying to me
X
You should be really proud of yourself for reaching out and getting on this forum. When I was first diagnosed I couldn’t even say or write down the C word and I hid away every hospital letter and the bumph I was given by the breast care nurses. I’d come across leaflets or letters when I was tidying up and just feel like I’d been kicked in the stomach. Just to reiterate the other comments but try and be kind to yourself. This is a shit ton of crap to deal with but I promise you it does get easier once you have a plan and you’ve had some time to process it. Personally i found the forums too much at the start but now it’s a life line when i need to connect with other people who can completely understand. We got you, onwards and upwards lovely xx
I think in some ways our generation are almost more scared by the word cancer. I know I was/am.
Once I learnt a bit more about improving outcomes, new drugs etc I feel a bit better.
I had no history or family history of any cancer let alone breast cancer, so maybe that’s why it hit me so hard, plus 6 months after a normal mammogram !!!
I have calmed down a bit now !!! I’m fortunate in other circumstances, family support etc.
I just feel there’s a lot of pressure on us to cope well and be the “warriors” on our “journey”. !!! I’ve been a self indulgent, blubbering wreck, but that’s ok xxx
Hi there, so sorry you are in this position. Early in a diagnosis it seems like things just keep getting WORSE - bigger tumours, more spread, more scans, etc.
I was diagnosed with bilateral (yes, found out it was in the OTHER breast during my scans too!!) IDC last year aged 39. Like you, things got worse on paper - my previously small tumour in one breast became a bigger tumour and an extra tumour in the other one. I knew I had cancer in my nodes. Getting my pathology report after surgery was terrifying - I knew my prognosis depended a lot on those results. In the end I had 5 nodes positive (they still had cancer in them after chemo!) out of 11.
My point is, I had cancer in all of those lymph nodes but it wasn’t anywhere else. I had a CT scan and a PET scan and all was clear. You will most likely be the same too. Lots of love x
Hi Clastee.
I had my appointment today to discuss CT scan. All lymph nodes are clear ( phew) however Dr asked if I’d had any pain in my neck which I haven’t, apart from general aches and pains you get at 50!
Something has shown up on the CT in my neck so he’s requested another MRI scan of my spine and a PET scan. He didn’t seem overly concerned but here we go again with the anxiety of what’s actually been found!
Hopefully I will have a treatment plan very soon xx
I found you definitely feel better once all the results are in and a plan is forming. I had a query over an ovarian cyst that showed up at the time of my original CT scan, but it’s now been discounted.
This is the difficulty when they examine you top to toe so closely. It has to be done but often throws up other things you would never have known were there that then have to be investigated for any significance or not, hopefully 
xx
Hello there,
I was diagnosed with big C recently, I will have a mastectomy soon. For me what has affected me most with having cancer is to get the conclusion that I am not happy with my life, with my marriage and am feeling so lonely and depressed.
I which I could disappear today.
lucylou1
This is a tough time … all sorts of feelings will come to the surface. Write it out here on the forum, we can all help you feel less lonely x
The early days are definitely the low points, and there will be ups and downs in the future. As time goes on and the plan becomes more clear things will improve in your mind. I have not posted before but felt I had to reply to you as you sound so down. As mentioned by others, I could not go on these forums earlier as I was too depressed to look at them and kept googling looking for information. However the people on here are so absolutely lovely that is really is helpful to hear from them, and it is great to see that there is real love and friendship around. Really good luck x