hope for the future

Public Archive
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This seems an appropriate place to put this thread as it is just about life in general and returning to reality / normality.

I have reached a point in my illness when I am not quite well but no longer feel dreadfully ill. I have had a mastectomy, axillary clearance, chemo, and rads. Now waiting for hormone therapy in a few wks time.

It has been some ride, a definate roller coaster from my early thoughts about dying too young, through being disfigured and losing my sexuality through surgery, then utter illness and wondering could I go on during chemo, to complete fatique during chemo and rads, with limitless side effects and little interest in life other than my kids and gran kids.

Just for good measure I have been living with a man who totally gave up on his working life and became impossible to live with at a time when I needed a strong prop most.

Now I have been treatment free for nearly 3 wks I can see that life can return to normal. I have visited my place of work, had a family holiday in Wales, all be it a wet one! And this wk end spent time with extended family who arranged this as a celebration for me coming through such a tough time.

We hired a barn in the newlands valley nr Keswick. I thought I knew the lakes well but this is a most beautiful place, so peaceful. We roughed it a bit, but spent the time talking about everything but cancer, sang songs listened to various clever musicians and most importantly laughed, a lot!

I was ready for bed by 9 pm but stayed up and awake till the end as i didn’t want to miss anything. Getting ready to go there that morning I was listening to the radio in the shower and found myself dancing, yes, dancing. Can’t remember the last time I did that.

All in all I felt alive again. I just wanted to share this with you all as I have had my very low moments on here and it has really helped to off load. Now I feel stronger, strong enough to ‘prop’ up someone else, back to normal, well almost, I’m pretty knackered from the wk end and about to retire for the night, but things seem rosier tonight.

Hope I can help where needed, and hope this thread helps those of you who are in a dark place just now to know there is hope and things will get better.

Irene

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What a wonderful message. Thank you very much. I hope I will be in the same position as you before long. I am at the beginning of my journey. I have got invasive BC and have surgery in a few weeks. I have been on the rollercoaster, but of late have manageed to get off from time to time!
Big smiles
thank you
xxx

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what a lovely post irene,
so glad you are managing to find your life again after the trauma both physically and mentally you’ve been through…life certainly is different after a dx of BC…or any cancer for that matter…things that mattered before no longer matter quite so much andappreciation of things is different.
May you have a lovely time ‘‘finding’’ your life again.

karen

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Hi Irene - I have been following your posts and the traumatic time you have had. Think I told you about my previous marriage - thank goodness the psychopath went to prison for life, although I think he may now be out on parole.
Your post was so uplifting and positive and so good to read. I don’t think anyone who has not had cancer has any real conception what we go through physically and emotionally, no matter how much they care. You can only really understand how we cancer survivors feel, if you have been there yourself. That is why this forum is so special…where we have the opportunity to share our experiences and fears with like minds.

Your weekend with extended family sounded just the tonic you desperately needed - so pleased that you were able to enjoy it.

We can’t look back - just forward - so hope there are some good times to come for you in the future.
Take care - of yourself!
Liz.

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Thank you Irene,

what a lovely post for us all to read, and I am very grateful for you sharing your feeling with us. I am glad you had a lovely time at the weekend, you certainly deserved it! I still have a long way to go in my treatment and right now its hard to imagine life without hospital visits, needles and feeling yukky!!! So its very reassurring to hear that life can, and does, get back to ‘normal’. Sometimes, when going through treatments as tough as chemo, its often hard to find anything to smile about, let alone laugh. I’ll often have a giggle and just for that minute I forget that I’ve got bc, then it suddenly hits me again and my smile fades. Oh how I long for the days when treatment is over so I can be side-effect free and feel able to really enjoy life again.

Thank you so much once again for your post. It has certainly helped me.

Take care and I wish you every happiness for the future,

Kelly
-x-

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Hi Irene,
thank you so much for the lovely message. I am at the beginning of my journey as I am still waiting results following my surgery. It is inspiring to know that there is a light at the end of what seems a very long tunnel.
I am glad you enjoyed your weekend - what a great idea. Good luck in your future, thanks again, Tracy xx

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Hi Irene

We have all enjoyed reading this lovely post and thank you for sharing it with us.

I am probably at a similar stage to you and have recently finished treatment. I can honestly say it has probably been the most difficult time of my life (other than the death of my Mum) which was about 2year ago.

I finished rads and went on Holiday to Portugal for a week with my hubby we had a wonderful time together and it was just what we needed. I now feel my treatment has finished and i can start to rebuild my life. I have to say i’m on a bit of a high at the moment, I feel so well after feeling crap for such a long time it’s wonderful. I really haven’t been able to keep still seem to be doing all the things i couldn’t while on chemo and it’s only a few weeks since treatment has finished. ( I even enjoyed weeding the garden at the weekend which i haven’t done for about nine months ( how sad)

I keep thinking i shouldn’t be feeling this well so quickly, but i am making the most of it and living life to the full.

Hope everyone takes some strength from your post, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Take Care and Best Wishes in the future

JanW

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Hi Irene

It was lovely to read your post and what encouragement it gives to people just starting treatment.

Thank you for sharing it with us.

Love and take care
Thistle

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Irene
How lovely to read your note - seems a long way off - I start chemo on 20th and am now recovering from a mas. and reconstruction - I wish you well. Enjoy.

MuddyX

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Hi Irene lovely to hear from you. You should be nearly be a grandmother again x 2 shouldn’t you. I am getting there but not quite as quicklyy!! love Eileen

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Hi Irene

It’s great to hear you being so positive again, you were very good at replying to my posts and giving me encouragement a few months ago when I was a newcomer on this site. I have read posts when you have been down and worried about you, so it is great that you are ‘coming out of the other side’. I hadn’t replied earlier as i have just come out of hospital after having my WLE and axillary node clearance. Another hurdle over! Just to wait for results now!

Take care

Nicky