My husband is not coping with all I’m going through. He doesn’t really talk to anyone outside family. His closest friends don’t really bring it up. If i talk to him about it, he gets really upset and then is in a bad mood all day. He is totally supportive to me, but angry with the situation and the issues we’ve had with my diagnosis/misdiagnosis. I don’t know how to help him as I’m dealimg with all my anxieties and fears too. What has helped your partners please?
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My husband is the same, supportive driving me to all my appointments, but doesn’t like to talk about it and says the cancer is gone now. I decided to let him deal with it in his own way & am fortunate that one of my daughters has been amazing & has let me talk her to death about my fears. I’m on the mend now and feeling 100% fit, my only fear is that I decided not to take Tamoxifen & I do worry that the cancer will recur, but have decided to live for today.
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Thank you @balchik. Glad to hear you are recovering. My saga has been ongoing for 8 months now and tomorrow’s the day i finally see an oncologist and find out if i will have to have chemo. My husband has been wonderful but I just feel he is struggling to cope now. I think I am hiding my feelings and avoiding the topic for fear of upsetting him. Tomorrow i am going to be proactive and ask what help is available to us both. My kids are young and oblivious to it all. They know i have cancer but for them getting an ice cream or playing in the park is keeping them happy. I don’t know how to help my husband. I am not keen on tamoxifen idea either but my left boob is riddled with idc and dcis so i will take it, but totally understand why you have made your choice. Hopefully it won!t come back. Good luck. X
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I think our partners have to learn to cope the same as we do. Would you put an update on here when you’ve been taking Tamoxifen for a couple of months. I’ve had my unopened box for 3 months now, still can’t take it. I’m amazed how quickly I’ve had all my tests, surgeries & treatment, I feel very lucky. All the best.
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I will. Dont think it will be for a while as im expecting chemo and radio first. X
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Hello @bluesatsuma
I can absolutely relate to this.
I was diagnosed in 2021 and my husband and I have a daughter who turned 12 the week before my diagnosis
As much as my husband is my rock he does get very anxious: thankfully for us he is one of six and one sister in particular made an absolute point of checking in on him at regular points (she herself appreciated how stressful it can be for partners as her husband was hospitalised with Covid).
Since my diagnosis my husband has developed a number of “health problems” and has had plenty of investigations as a result however no major underlying problems have been detected but he has now come to appreciate that many of them are stress related and he’s learned to tolerate them.
What I have come to realise is that he had to work this out for himself, I could only point him in the right direction. He decided to consult a dietitian due to stomach issues and she helped him appreciate the physical effects his anxiety was having.
A game changer for both of us was finding a really good no nonsense yoga teacher literally around the corner from us. My husband took some persuading, but he absolutely now appreciates how helpful yoga is for managing stress and anxiety
He may find Maggie’s or MacMillan services helpful too: they are able to provide support for anyone affected both patients and their loved ones. I know how difficult it can be for men to talk and there is something about the male ego that makes it really hard to walk into a room of strangers.
You could also point him the direction of this forum, there are often posts from people supporting someone through and breast cancer diagnosis and treatment
Lots of love
AM xxx
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Hey all. Mine isn’t great. He’s really supportive and comes with me to all appointments but is getting angry and depressed I can see it. He’s angry that we don’t seem to be getting straight answers (I have to decide whether to have 3rd lumpectomy or mastectomy this week) and I really feel for him as he’s such an a active person and goes on holiday on his own all the time like diving holidays and he’s canx them all . He’s someone who likes to plan stuff and I guess we really can’t at the moment. Been married 27 years and I love him dearly - I do feel like a burden sometimes but he assures me I’m not .
this is so crap isn’t it xxxx
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Hello all our lovely ladies,
what can I say about our darling husband, they are caring, supportive, and kind, however they need us to hold their hands what ever the situation maybe, they just can’t cope with us being poorly I know this is my situation.
All give yourselves a pat on the back, for getting this far with your cancer and treatment, hopefully life will be better for hubby and us all very soon.
Love to you all Tili 
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Hi @epic1. This is our situation too. I took the third lumpectomy and it was successful but then they said the radiologist wanted an area from original mammo, from 7 months earlier, to be investigated. My husband was cross about this as I’d already had 3 ops and now there might be more cancer still growing in me. We’ve yet to have these new biopsy results. This is why hes so upset…he thinks we’re back at square 1. I hope things get better for us and our husbands. I’m so thankful that he’s do loving and supportive though. X
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Hey - do you have to have chemo ? Mine was all booked in for 2 weeks time and now has to be delayed - maybe for a while if I decide to have a mastectomy on Wednesday. . I’m worried how long you can delay chemo for ? Xx
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Hi @epic1. I saw oncologist today and even though the new biopsy results arent done yet, my chemo will start in 2 weeks. She didnt want to delay it any further. So I’m 8 months post diagnosis, so I think chemo can be delayed. Are you node positive? X
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Yeah 7 nodes positive . Not looking
forward to chemo at all but gotta get this mastectomy out way first on Wednesday. Think that’s the way I’m going xx
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Hi @bluesatsuma I am so so glad they have given you a treatment plan, at last.
Sending you love and hugs 
xx
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Thanks @bluesatsuma feeling very nervous. Just picked up my softie ! I’m sure my dog will love it !
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Youll be fine. Soon be over xxx
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Dear Epic 1,
Will be thinking about you tomorrow hope your surgery goes well with love and the biggest hug.
Tili
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