my mother in law has been diagnosed with breast cancer how could I help without being to over the top and in the way?
It depends on your relationship with her, and on how much treatment she will need. From my own experience anything of a practical nature would be very welcome. You could help with housework - if you take on responsibility for something, say cleaning or shopping, not only will she not have to do it she won’t have to worry about it either as she knows you will do it. Or you could provide some meals - having someone turn up at your door with a hot meal is a real pleasure.
Alternatively you could take her out so she has something to look forward to. A trip to the shops, a walk in the country, whatever she will enjoy.
I think the main thing is to show willing, and not to back off because you don’t know what to say or do. So many people do that when a friend or family member is being treated for cancer, and it can be very hurtful. Five years on I am still resentful of people who did that to me, who didn’t help me when I needed it most.
Your mum-in-law is lucky to have you wanting to support her,
As RR says it really does depend on her - it might sound obvious but you could ask her what would help? If she is overwhelmed, as she may well be if she has just been diagnosed, then the main thing is keep trying. The worst thing is people who do not know what to say/do just ignoring you.
I like it when people pop in for coffee when I am feeling rough and just make me and them a cuppa and do a bit of washing up whilst they are making it and then not stay too long. Also I like getting cards/texts/emails etc so I know that am I remembered even if I do not want to speak/answer the phone.
Practical help like the stuff suggested by RR or offering lifts/company to appiontments. When she is feeling well take her for lunch or arrange other treats that she likes. Really do anything that will let her know that you care and don’t forget to continue to do whatever is “normal”, so if you usually have a gossip then still do that - Sometimes I just want to be distracted.
I hope your mum-in-law is lucky with her treatment as well as with her D-i-L. My treatment did not end when it was expected to and lots of support has now disappeared, so remember to stick it out whatever happens. Also remember your husband will need your support too.
Good luck and good for you, xx
Hi - getting the balance between being helpful and not being intrusive will be difficult.
You do not say if your father in law is around. If he is he can help you a little by keeping you informed of what’s needed at the moment.
I’d sugest when popping round a quick phone call to see if there’s anything she would like picking up on the way “how are you for milk?” sort of thing can help. Also when she is on treatment days tey can be long and tiring. One day we came home from the hospital and a neighbour had left a cottage pie on the doorstep. That was just fabulous!.
Paul.
Things I found helpful, especially during chemo when I felt really tired, were - my sister took over my ironing, as I felt too tired to stand and do it. My aunt would bundle me into her car, drive me somewhere with a nice view just for a change of scenery. My friend would text when she was out shopping to see if I fancied anything particular to eat, and pop round with it on her way home. Friends would text so I could reply when I felt up to it - I had a sore throat and sometimes talking for long was painful. It all depends on how MIL feels, but the best thing is just to be there for her.