Hi Marisa
I lost my first boob 2006. Desperately wanted immediate recon, as I knew I would not be happy and struggle with “nothing”. Was a single person, at 46, so it was important to my confidence, still having a desire to meet a suitable partner. I’m not or ever have been a “vain” person, but I guess you “could” say it was vanity?? I only ever wanted implant recon, but surgeon, newly skilled in all the new latest “self tissue” techniques was pushing a Lat Flap at me, as no excess flesh for any other. Didn’t want it. In the end, a Miscommunication led to me NOT having immed recon.
That same night after the surgery, I stood topless and forced myself look at it in the ward bathroom mirror. It upset me that much, I literally fell to my knees on the floor and sobbed for about 15 minutes. Yes, dramatic!
And Yes, of course, I was GLAD to be rid of the cancer, but not to be left without ANYthing there. After all that and with time, I took great comfort in still having one of my own. I’ve heard many other women say the exact same thing about their still having “one” of their own left.
Lost my other boob, just less than a year later, so 2007, to another different type of primary, not spread. Had the same surgeon, and went through all the recon option discussions again, and again wanted immed recon with the other at the same time, and again, my same wish for “Implants”. Didn’t happen AGAIN. So settled myself to the option of having a “Delayed” recon, whenever I was ready or “able” to. The ONE PLUS with not having ANY, was no longer having to match up a prosthesis to my own existing boob. Managed with a lovely pair, and felt great once I’d loaded myself into my bra, but desperately unhappy at not have anything without. Surgeon did a GREAT job though - very neat scars, and my own GP and other medics 'veI had to “take my top off for”!! have remarked on just how neat they are.
The second one, quite frankly, seriously “smashed me up” mentally. Didn’t venture into “Dating” at all. If I wasn’t happy with how I looked myself, in the intimate bedroom department, I certainly was NOT happy to have someone else looking at me, whether they may “love me as I am” and not mind, it wasn’t going to make any difference to how “I” felt about my “self”.
Took me until 2014 (and by then 55), to finally embark on delayed implant recon, now some 8 yrs later from 1st mast, due to a series of other major life traumas, losses and difficulties. I actually went back to the same surgeon, to discuss it, but discovered that was a total waste of time. Turned out he just wasn’t interested in carrying out “implant” surgery, only “self tissue”, so may explain why neither of my immediate implant recon wishes didn’t happen?!! Can only guess, with him being so skilled in the self tissue forms of recon, he felt it was beneath him? Anyway I was passed over to a different surgeon who “was” happy to do implants.
Delayed implant recon is a long process and commitment from nothing. Takes nearly a year from start, to final nipple recon, then ultimate final “icing on the boob” of areolar tattooing! Had the first op to install the expanders. Even at that stage and a 100ml size, it felt so GREAT to have and see two bumps up front again, despite no nipples. Went though the 3 following expansion/stretching appointments, every 5-6 wks. Had next op booked to have the expanders replaced with the permanent silicones, but the surgeon cancelled it a week before, and it was rebooked 3 -4 weeks later.
But. . . . I then fell off the horse, due to massive depression from boobs and all the other major things that had happened, and STILL haven’t got back on it!! Had the 2nd op not been cancelled, I think I’d have stayed on a roll with it to completion. Or if not, certainly a lot nearer than I still am not. And still without a partner, as just haven’t got back into dating at all. But that hasn’t just been down to my being boobless, but my serious mental probs also, which I’m coping with better at the mo, thanks goodness. Sooo. . . . . . Yeh, all the boob biz desperately upset me. I know I’d have coped sooo much better, if I’d had immediate new (“fake”) boobs to replace my loss.
I often say to other women if you’ve the option and chance to have “immediate” reconstruction - Go For It, as you never know what’s going to crop up and stand in the way if you put it off.
Lots of Love to Everyone, Delly XX