How do i put it into words for him?

Coming up to a year after active treatment. Still tired and various other side effects i wont bore you with.
My issue is a simple one…called a husband. No matter how i try to explain it i cant get him to understand why now i really am not fussed about housework! Yes…this is my boring issue. Ive always been tidy and still am…im just not bothered if i let things lapse now n then…im not dusting and hoovering every day! He thinks its disgusting, maybe it is. He cleans 2 rooms out of 9…his office and the kitchen. My house isnt posh…its just old and 4 floors…tires me just climbing the 36 stairs to bed lol. He doesnt get that im not being lazy( well maybe i am) i just think differently now. As i type hes cleaning behind all our bedroom furniture ready for painters tomorrow…i said everyone has bloody dust behind furniture! Maybe im totally wrong here…ill hold my hands up if you all disagree with me. Im not working right now ( physical side effects) so i think he presumes thats all i should be doing. How do i word it so i dont sound like a broken record and im sure he thinks, oh shes playing the cancer caed again, its boring now! X

Oh Tina, that sounds like it’s written by me! I’m 3 years post diagnosis, 2+ years since active treatment finished.

I’ve never been one for a spotless house, but I have learned to force myself to rest when I need to even if there’s a pile of washing to fold up, dust and cobwebs to be seen to, paw prints on the doors/furniture/carpets and bins to be emptied!

As far as I’m concerned there are 4 of us 2-legs in my household (plus 7 4-paws!) so why should the tidying up be done by one? Also given that tidying up is a necessary by-product of shopping, feeding, clothing and generally providing a nice place to live for the aforementioned occupants, how does that become my mess?!

My other half does what he wants, when he wants, to suit himself, gets up, sorts himself out, toddles off to work, goes to the gym, has a lie in at the weekend and lo and behold! there’s food on the table, clean clothes in the wardrobe, a presentable garden, stocked fridge etc etc. By comparison, my daily timetable revolves around getting everyone fed and out of the house on time, presentable, with the essential equipment for the day, taxied to wherever before and after school, fed, homeworked and prepared for the following day, if I get time I might even grab a shower and some breakfast before setting off to work !!!

I had 18 months off work after chemo (made redundant) and started a new job near enough 2 years to the day since ky diagnosis. During that time I was very much like you - exhausted, recovering, struggling to get the basics done before needing a rest and suddenly finding the day had gone and I’d achieved very little in the eyes of the outside world, but knowing that I’d had to pace myself and that I’d done my best.

I did the Macmillan moving forward 6 week course a year after diagnosis and found it very helpful . Made some good friends and it helped me to understand I’m not unusual!

Yes, you meet a few along the way who suffer no side effects, hold down full time jobs whilst travelling the world, running the household and competing in marathons every weekend!

You are not alone, just do what you need to and factor in lots of rest time x

I’ve always been a clean freak to the point of obsession and would ask the gods on a daily basis how I ended up with the messiest males in the world as my family! I spent my every waking hour outside of work cleaning and couldn’t rest until I felt the place was spotless! I would drive my lot demented as they were afraid to even leave a mug on the kitchen side for fear of me having a melt down!! 

Nowadays I seriously couldn’t care less, yes I still like a clean and tidy house but if I can’t be bothered to do stuff then I just don’t , I work 4 days a week and look after my little niece on a Friday , weekends are spent catching up with our boys and our granddaughter , we have 5 cats and 1 dog so I need to clean but I’m not obsessive anymore and my lot are thrilled to bits, hubby has always said it’s not a showhouse it’s our home and he was spot on!! 

Our priorities have changed, cleaning can wait ladies living can’t!! Xx