Hi just found this site. My wife K has just had her mammo after discovering a small lump in her right breast that the doctor struggled to find. we have waited two weeks for the scan and the results shall be 7/8 which K is dealing with much better than myself. i want to support here 200% and will but I’m struggling with this big time and keep thinking the results will say thats it!!
Sorry for sounding draatic but its all I have thought about and K is trying to support me when I should be supporting her!!. I now it could be nothing or it could be cancer but I’m scared out of my mind and don’t think we shall see the other end of this.
Any advise as its the only chance i have found to see real facts nad not the rubbish I keep finding on online.
Thanks
Hi Ped, you are already showing your wife great support by being brave enough to come on this site and ask for help and advice. One of the most important pieces of advice people will give you is to stay off google! You’ll only get out of date or inaccurate information, your imagination will go into overdrive and you will scare yourself to death, Stay on this site or McMillan. It is only natural for you to be scared of what the future may hold, once your wife knows her results and has a treatment plan (if it does turn out to be BC) you too will feel much calmer as you will both have gained some measure of control. Don’t bottle things up, talk to your wife, tell her of your fears; this is a journey to be undertaken together and will be so much easier if you can draw strength from each other. On a more practical note, accompany your wife to her appointments, make notes of what the consultant says especially if it does turn out to be BC - and most lumps are not BC - as she will not remember half of what she is told.
My husband has been my rock since I was diagnosed in Jan this year, he did the more practical things like the cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping after I had my op, came with me to all my appointments, drove me the 50 mile round trip each day for my 15 sessions of radiotherapy and he still helps around the house so that I don’t get too tired. Emotionally he has hugged me when I’ve been down or had a ‘wobble’ (and I still have the odd one or two ) and I’ve hugged him too when things have got to him. One of the most important things was that I knew no matter what the result of my op looked like it didn’t matter to him, I would still be loved just as much as I was before. We’ve talked a lot and tried not to hide our feelings from each other, I hope you and your wife can do the same.
Hopefully your wife will get good news when you go for her results, but if not, keep posting and we will do our best to support you both. Best wishes to you both Pat x
Hi Ped
Pat has given you fab advice. I don’t have much more to add as I am also still in the waiting phase… My hubby went with me to the last appointment where I expected to be given a diagnosis but was told further testing is needed. I think he took the possibility that there might be something much harder than I did. That is natural as I think it is harder to stand on the side and see a loved one hurting and not be able to do something about it than dealing with it. It was a greater shock for me to know my mum had breast cancer than what it is for me to deal with the possibility in my own case.
On a more practical note… My hubby has been super since my appointment by encouraging me to talk about it with him (he doesn’t normally deal well with illness and this must be difficult for him), by being extra loving and using unexpected moments to show me he loves me and cares for me (I was worried he might see this as a burden that he did not ask for - unfairly as he’s never done anything to give me reason but hey, who said my thoughts were logical?), by reassuring me he is there for me if I need him (he has a high pressure job and time off work is a rare commodity) and by admitting his own worries and doubts and weaknesses around this (it was very touching when my macho husband admitted the tears welled up when he realised it was not yet the all clear that we had hoped for).
Pat is right - you are already showing your mettle by asking for help on this forum. Just be yourself and be there for your wife. This forum is great for support and encouragement. And for those detailed worries and concerns that you don’t want to talk about with your nearest and dearest untill you’ve set your own thoughts straight.
Remember this while we are waiting for results: there still is a much bigger chance that it is not breast cancer. And even if it is BC, it can still be beaten. Remembering this is easier said than done, I know. But with modern tech and medicine cancer CAN be beaten!
ThinLizzie
Hi Ped. What wonderful advice and words of support Pat and Thinlizzie have given you. I can’t really add more other than IF and it’s a big IF, the lump is bc it’s treatable and although K will need treatment you will get through it together and come out the other side stronger for it. Take care and let us know how she gets on. Btw the waiting is awful and it is very normal for your imagination to run riot so try and keep busy doing your everyday things and don’t Google!! Xx
Hi ped. What a lovely considerate husband you are! My OH has a job where injuries/fatalities are quite common so he seems to be quite immune to what I’m going through and dismisses my worries.
You’re not being dramatic…the waiting really is the hardest part. It’s strange but it’s easier when you know what you’re dealing with, even if it’s bc.
Feel free to ask any more questions or have a moan…you’ll find the next couple of weeks a real roller-coaster of emotions…you’ll get lots of support on here xx
Hi many thanks for you kind thoughts and advice.Hopefully I shall have overeacted in two weeks time
Shall keep you posted.
Hi Ped
I’ve nothing useful to add to the excellent advice you’ve already been given. If it DOES turn out to be BC, your support will be invaluable. I guess I’d just say how important it is to accept how K is feeling from day to day, which will not be logical or rational necessarily. I remember when I had my first lump 15 or more years ago … someone asked me how I was coping (in the stage you’re at now) and I replied "I’m choosing to think positive. Then, every so often, I wonder emotions were beyond my control in many ways! I was doing my best…
when, aeons later, I did develop BC, the knowledge that my OH would still love me even if I was “boobless, bald and likely to get fat” was unspoken, but solid and SOOOO important.
K is lucky to have you… and yes, please, do keep us posted…
Jane