Hi, I’m very new to the forum and haven’t really posted before. I’m HER2 +, grade 3, stage 2/3 with 2 nodes involved. Treatment has gone well, I respond very well to chemo, had the new drug pertuzumab added to my regime and have recently finished radiotherapy. However I’m really really struggling, I can’t seem to think about anything else- I know my reoccurrence risk is very high and I just assume it’s going to happen. I imagine ever ache/pain/slight cough is cancer. How do you all face the future with positivity? I have a 4 year old and every time I look at him it breaks my heart he might have to grow up without a mummy. I know I should be enjoying my time more and worrying is not going to make thing different, I’m just really struggling- any advice gratefully received xx
Hi Charsim,
I think many of us have felt the way you do now after completing treatment. Afterwards, when all the appointments cease, you’re on your own so to speak & it can feel like a somewhat scary anti-climax. At the same time, many of us feel we should be getting back to normal, when in fact, there still quite a bit of adjusting to do after what we’ve been through.
It just takes some time & it does get better.
It’s good your treatment was so successful & the chances are you will be fine anyway now.
Other ladies here, have found the ‘moving forward’ course very helpful after completing treatment, your bcn should have details of any courses running locally to you & there is also info here on the main bcc site. The helpline will be able to help as well.
do take care
hugs
ann x
Hi charsim
Welcome to the forum.
Good question! Not sure whether I am always positive…I think we all have good days and bad. In order to move on, you have to assume all the treatment has worked and the hormone therapy will prevent a reoccurrence. Why do you think that the risk is high? Have you had a mammogram yet? Because that will reassure you. It takes time to get over it all and it gets slightly easier as time goes by.
Come and chat here anytime, as it always helps.
Sue xx
Thank you so much for your responses ladies. I haven’t had a mammogram or any follow up yet- I see my onco on the 19th so I’m hoping she will let me know where we go from here. It is the fact that suddenly your safety net of regular hospital trips has gone and people do assume you’re ‘back to normal’ as it were. I’m sure with time it will get easier. I will look into a moving forward course, we have a maggies here in Oxford so sure they will have the info.
Char xx
Hi Char ,it is very common to feel like this when active treatment finishes ,like you say your safety net is taken away and you are somehow expected to return to " normality " which is easier said than done after all you have been through .Most of us do find a way in time to put it to the back of our minds and enjoy life .But like Sue says -some days this is easier than others .Jill.
Char - Hi and a huge welcome and massive warm embrace from me.
My Darlin girl. You are to be applauded and saluted, for everything you have been through and suffered. Yep, “suffered”. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that you’re here, joining this myriad of many other, quite frankly, wonderful fellow women. But, believe me, I am NOT sorry that you have taken a good positive step for yourself, by bringing yourself here.
You have the added heartache, but also the absolute “joy” of a beautiful 4 yr old son. What’s his name Char??
HE is going to help you stay strong and fight. Along, as I’m sure, are your husband/partner, all the rest of your family, friends, your medical team, and. . . . everyone here, in whatever way we can to support you. As you’ve already found out, this is a great place where you are free to be able to air and speak your fears. Where no-one thinks you’re over-reacting, because we’ve also been there, There’s pretty much someone on here, who’ s been through all the different aspects of this gawd awful disease, and recovered, or are on the way to.
It’s all so easy for me to say, but please take hope and strength from just that fact - there are sooo many women on here who HAVE come through it all, recovered, and plenty who are still here on the forum, simply because they wish to support other women going through the same.
I wished I’d found this forum, when I was going through it all 11 yrs ago. Don’t know if it was going then?! I’d have loved to have interacted with others experiencing the same.
Please also take strength and hope from all the constant, massive advances in treatments and surgeries.
No one expects you to be strong all the time. Please don’t ever feel you’re being weak if you are struggling. NOone here wants you to struggle. What you’re dealing with, and are getting through, is not anything any person would wish upon themselves to have to cope and deal with. Also, some things aren’t always easy to speak about, or understandable to someone who hasn’t directly experienced it. But where so often someone on here someone can and does understand, because they have experienced it and, more often than not, can give you some friendly, helpful advice and support, as you,ve already found. Or even just give you a cheerful laugh or giggle that can make a change.
Make good frequent use of it, when you can, Char.
Much love to you
Dellywellydoodaah xxxx
Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a lovely and supportive response Delly. My little boy is William and he’s 5 tomorrow so busy getting his birthday presents wrapped. I do take so much hope from all the lovely ladies on here who have come through it and are still here supporting the rest of us. I see my onco next week so that will be a positive I hope, she is very matter of fact but normally reassuring. Also don’t work on Wednesdays so have a lovely day off tomorrow!!
Big hugs to all xx
Hello Delly my lovely…sending you a wave 
xx
Awwww Treeze, flippin 'eck, I was only thinking about you, and your Dad, the other day and wondering how you are?? So good to see you flower.
How are you doing?? Good in health I hope. But know you’ll be missing Dad. xxxx
Hi Delly! Thanks, doing pretty well I think, all things considered.Health not bad…my problems at the.moment centres around my mouth! Have a long standing abscess that won’t go and have to have it lasered followed by root canal- may even lose a tooth.Dental phobic so that will be fun! Had mouth problems since cancer as.I now have dry mouth syndrome.On a positive, working 20.hours a week and.doing water aerobics, acting and out and about.Joint pains come and go and are bad this week, mainly I think from going into boots instead of my comfy summer pumps! Yes miss my dad every day, he’s never far from my thoughts.How are you my lovely? Xx
Hi All
I picked up this thread today as I am feeling scared isolated and had to turn somewhere. I too have just finished all the treatments recently. What is apparent to me (and others may relate to it) is other people’s poor understanding. The assumption nowadays that all breast cancer can be cured, that now the treatment is finished life is no different to if you just had a bunion removed, or insensitive comments like ‘we all are at risk of dying at any time’ comments. Yesterday a friend said this last comment to me when her mother died just a couple of months ago at the age fo 94 and my friend is mid 50’s and perfect health how does that qualify her to even comment on what I may be feeling!!! The thing is she just dismissed me as being negative which just makes you feel more isolated and not understood and a failure for not being more upbeat! My husband seems to have come to terms with my increased risk of dying now but mention HIS mortality and he can’t cope. My life feels like it is taking place behind a glass screen now. Granted I am a lot calmer now than in the really early days but it is there in my thoughts when I wake and when I go to sleep. Any conversation during the day about long term events just trigger in me the immediate thought of ‘will I be around then’. I would be interested in hearing from anyone who feels the same or can relate to it all but especially from someone who has experienced the above and can now say to me “do you know a year on all those feelings will go”
Cor sorry for going on!!
Hi futuretwo,
It’s still early days & finishing treatment can be an odd sort of time. I certainly remember conflicting feelings, relief treatment was over, but then ‘now what?’
I also remember feeling somewhat over sensitive to people’s reactions for a while & had to remind myself that others are not necessarily going to feel as I did about it, nor could I expect them to fully comprehend my experience if it wasn’t part of theirs.
But, it does pass, I now don’t think about it & get on with life as normal - apart from posting on here of course!
You’re still only recently through treatment, so what you describe, I would suggest, is common to most of us at this stage of recovery.
It will move on.
ann x
Hiya,
I’m two and half years on from treatment now and things do get easier, I can’t say I’m totally over it all but the feelings of dread and gloom have certainly lifted and I can plan ahead and genuinely feel like I will be here!
Having recently welcomed our first grandchild I’m overwhelmed with emotion and have allowed myself a moment to think of how different things could have been but then I pulled my socks up and got back on with enjoying her and planning all the things we will do together over the years 
The joy will return to life and gradually you will begin to make plans and have fun again, we don’t waste a minute now and cram as much as we can in to our lives and appreciate every day with our loved ones Xx Jo
I felt that finishing treatment was a bit like having my safety blanket whipped away and being cast out into the cold. People have lots of different ways of coping as you will have noticed. In practical terms I was very surprised to find comfort and solace in the Buddhist philosopy, it has made me a much calmer person. I also practise my own shorter version of the Emile Coue chant (you can look him up on the internet), I say to myself “every day I am fitter and fitter” and “every day I am healthier and healthier”. It may or may not work but it does help to keep me in a positive frame of mind and I’m certainly not going to tell myself the opposite! My children are grown up and I too used to be a terrible worrier but my only regret is that I didn’t focus more on the ‘now’ when they were young because children grow up so fast.
Thank you to all of you. I really appreciate all the positive support. The fact is that in my original entry I had intended to reply to Charsim but as is my way, why use one word when ten will do!!! I ended up going off on my own little rant. I relate to her fears of high recurrence risk as my cancer has been described as aggressive even for grade 3. The comfort I take is the fact that on one’s paperwork one is described still as curative. Therefore it is do able. I am older than you Charsim but what amazes me is the age of the people at the hospital (80 plus) still fighting for that last chance of life meaning that my thirst to keep going is there in me too. However there is no greater sadness I feel, than someone of your age and position. My heart goes out to you and I want to scream and shout at the injustice of the fact that you are having to be even the slightest bit unhappy at such a marvelous stage of your life. When you find the answer to how to cope pass it on. For now just take comfort in the knowledge that you and I could sit in the same room and talk and I think it would be a case of “Yeh I know exactly where you are coming from, I feel exactly the same!” Thank you to RoadRunner. I think positive stories are good as one tends to dismiss some stories as ‘yes thats fine but they are survivors with small lumps, low grade,which I cannot relate to’, so I think someone like RoadRunner can give confidence to people like myself and Charsim. Charsim try and focus on the things that you do have going for you, such as you are young, motivated or whatever may give you the edge. This may give you the focus when negative thoughts take over. I do stupid things like telling myself to leave the fear physically outside my bedroom door and pick it up in the morning. I remember being told this when I gave birth to my daughter-leave your dignity at the door and pick it up again on your way out. Personally, I take great delight in learning as it can take the mind away into another place. I cannot give you the answer for what works for you, just ideas for props. Others on here do say it eases so lets hold onto that thought and each other for now. Love and kisses to all Future2
Roadrunner I’m so encouraged to hear you are 10 years clear. Your diagnosis is almost exactly the same as mine. What an inspiration you are xx
Futuretwo thanks so much for this message, I have only just seen it. You’re right about thinking about what might give you ‘the edge’. My onco said how important exercise is so I have started training for a 10k! It’s hard going but I feel good that I’m doing something positive xx
Hi Everyone, I’m soo sorry for this gigantic post !!
First breast 1cm grade 3. ER +ve ductal 2006. 2nd breast another small primary, grade? ER +ve, I found just prior to my 1st annual check up 2007 :smileysad: Both mastectomy + total ANC. 2nd boob was sadly just a month prior to the SNB procedure being accepted in Britain. Still stuck at 1st stage of delayed implant recon op (expanders) since March 2014, 'cos fell off the horse - need to get back on the horse again,get these booby babies finished !
How are you both and how’s it going, Char and Futuretwo?
Char - Had you had a lumpectomy initially, or some other surgery?? Did your lovely William enjoy his 5th birthday?
Futuretwo - To pick up on something you said in your earliest post of 7/11, you began with “I am feeling scared and isolated and had to turn somewhere”. I could be amongst friends and family, but still felt very “alone” during treatment and for a long time after and exactly the reason I started using this Forum and attending a BC support group. To put me in touch with and to meet some fellow women.
As other people have mentioned, you will gradually begin to feel more confident to make plans again with more “What if nots” attitude, rather than living in the fear of the “What ifs” ". We have no control over it anyway.
It’s had a massive impact impact on your body physically, leaving you with the visible scars from a part loss, or total loss of a breast, which of course can be reconstructed to create a new replacement for that loss. Your body actually recovers relatively quickly. But the massive invisible mental scars to your mind can take sooo much longer to heal and regain strength to recover. Unfortunately, we can’t just wipe out or erase all the nasty experience, can we.
Much of that recovery, is all about “readjustment” and coming to terms with,isn’t it. The effects BC’s had on your body, your mental attitude, all of the important in your life things such as relationships, family, work, etc. Also, regaining a trust in your body again (I felt mine had somewhat let me down - What? So I’m NOT an invincible Superwoman after all then), and also rebuilding and regaining that stronger confidence in your future again, where BC’s concerned.
I would say it took me about 7 yrs to now just not feel bothered about it any more. That seed of doubt that it leaves right at the forefront of your mind, is constantly irritating at first. Upsets, annoys, niggles, reminds us often of the nasty *bleep* of a disease, so many times on a daily basis for the first year, maybe two or longer, depending on us individually. Very very slowly it starts to settle down and stops nigglin everyday. Then even more slowly and gradually, it gets tiny little backward nudges, until eventually, it’s pushed to the back of your mind. You still think about it, perhaps a couple of times a week, but no longer “worry” yourself about it any more. It’ll still pop up occasionally, take you unawares, offguard, and may make you a bit wobbly, but it’s no longer for very long though. That seed is now tiny, miniscule, because “you’ve” finally taken back control of your mind instead of IT !!
The whole horrible experience certainly tends to change your way of thinking in many ways. Plus, as Roadrunner again so rightly said, you will find that it has made you stronger in ways you may never have expected, and the old faithful adage “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” rings true. Be that you’re braver at trying new things, become more adventurous, more active, more outwardly sociable or more extroverted, more confident, take that year off to tour Europe in your camper. Me and mine? I’m a faaar more openly emotional, affectionate, passionate and compassionate person, stick up for myself more, no longer put up with sh*tty behaviour from people, not afraid to speak my mind. Be that about some annoyance, grievance, but much more importantly and frequently, how much I love and appreciate someone.
Char - Your friend who quite insensitively, coldly and unsupportively said “Well, we all have to die sometime” to you, is blatantly right of course. Someone could just press one of those big red buttons, before I finish this post about how we worry about BC, and this half of the globe be blown to smithereens, or some other major disaster happen. Though I’m thinking it may just be massive sighs of relief that this mammooth of a post is nearly ended. Sorry girls.
And finally, again as Roadrunner said ( you’re certainly earning some gold stars girl ), and I was saying exactly the same recently on another thread elsewhere, you really DO learn who your true friends are. The good ones will still be there with you, supporting you through the whole of your experience. The really “true” one are those who sit and “listen”, allow you to complain, encourage you to talk about your fears, put up with you keep repeating yourself. Provide an ever listening ear and an ever ready soft soothing shoulder. Are none judgemental, but will gently “put you in check, pull you up” if you’re getting unhealthily to paranoid level, and just want to bolster you.
I’ve often said this - I think Listening is such a pure and simple absolute treasure of a gift to receive from and give to someone. And those are the kind of friends you need to have around you. They are the ones that will really help you to cope, even if they haven’t been through it themselves. I was lucky to have two of those gems, living close enough by to see regularly in person and receive some big tender loving hugs from, that heal and speak more than any words can.
Lotsa love to everyone,
Delly-givin-it-some-Welly xxxxxxx