On Wednesday it was confirmed that I have breast cancer, I have to have it removed and some of my lymph glands under my arm. My brother has just gone through chemo for another type of cancer and after a long chat yesterday has helped me to calm down about it all. I guess I still have nagging questions going around in my brain, How will I accept and prepare for loosing my breast? Before I got the results of the biopsy, my boob felt like it was 10 times the size of the other one and that it was obvious to everyone that is was. Now it feels like it is shrinking in size, is that my brain gearing up to it going?
I currently have long hair and cannot bear the thought of loosing it whilst long, so have made the decision to have it cut shorter to reduce the trauma. The cold cap has been suggested, but does that help or not?
Oh Angel, I’m sorry that you are here on the BC site, but welcome.
The only advice I can give is how I managed. I posted and read other members stories I phoned the help line, my family and friends and faith have lifted me and supported me when I can’t go anymore.
As to hair although I did have long hair I was very vain about my hair, it was always well cut and coloured, spent a fortune on it, used to be a model for hair shows, so it was a big thing for me. I bought a very expensive wig, and have never worn it I wear scarves caps or nothing.
I also found that taking one step at a time on this huge journey, looking to far ahead was just to much for me to deal with, I’ve had a mx and was diagnosed with 2 different tumours. Er+ and grade 3 triple negative I’ve had 5 of 6 chemo and now looking at my rads then tamoxifen.
What ever you decide is best for you I wish you all the best sending you a huge cyper hug
Love BD xxxxxx
Hugs to you Angel,
So sorry you’ve joined us on here, but there is a wealth of lovely supportive ladies who are here to listen, share, guide and help through your journey, some will be ahead of you and you will find there will be more behind you.
Don’t be afraid to ask too many questions, and there is no such thing as a silly question, write them down as you think of them as no doubt your mind will be doing sommersaults and into overdrive currently.
I had a mastectomy at the end of March, after being dx mid-March, with full node clearance at end April, started chemo end May (now 2 out of 6 down), bit of a white knuckle ride and was all too much to take in at first - hung on by my fingernails really. Preparing for the boob loss wasn’t easy emotionally, but resigned myself to it going was best in long run, then I just wanted the ‘squatter’ gone as soon as poss.
Coping - one day at a time, emotions will run away with you sometimes and you need to let them, otherwise sanity fades somewhat.
Hair - I also had long-ish curly frizzy hair, which I knew was going to go, so had cut short to a bob, everyone thought I looked 10 years younger (I’m 41) but I reckon they were just being kind. It is easier to manage and the wigs I have got are much better than my hair has ever been, saying that, I haven’t worn them yet. I didn’t go for the cold cap as didn’t want any extra time in hospital than necessary, and there was no guarantees it would stay put. Plus I decided I would try to embrace my ‘bald’ self and take the fight head on. Hair hasn’t completely gone yet, but won’t be long now.
I wish you the best of luck with your journey and PM (private message) me if you want to ask any more specifics on my mastectomy experience or dip back in here, there’ll be more ladies along shortly I’m sure to re-assure and support you.
X
Angel, sorry that you’ve had to join the club where no-one wants to be a member.
I don’t know how I coped in the beginning, quite honestly, but somehow you just DO. In some ways, like a bereavement or a relationship breakdown, it does get easier with time. You have to go through the stages of trauma, anger, “why me?” etc.
I’m not sure that ‘acceptance’ is quite what I feel, I guess that I have just had to get along with it, my disease and me. The biggest step for me, I think, was when I changed my thinking from me feeling like “cancer with a person attached” to “Me with a horrible illness and BTW, cancer can f*** right off”.
WRT the hair, I cried and cried; I grieved for the lovely hair I’d lost. It WILL grow back, it’ll take an age to get long again. But I’ll be there, watching and waiting.
This forum has been a godsend. Just avoid any threads that sound sad and Google is NOT your friend; many sites are outdated or contain outright lies and fantasy. Stick to BCC, Macmillan, etc.
Hi from me, Angel.
Sad to hear your news, but you’ll find many wise and lovely people on here and much good info.
At the start I think we’ve nearly all panicked ourselves silly. For some reason, most of us find it’s much easier to cope once they start doing the treatments etc.
For me, losing my hair wasn’t as bad as I thought, because I found a lovely wig consultant who picked a wig that looks a bloomin’ sight better than my original hair - I get so many compliments on it. And it’s SO easy to care for compared to my own hair. But each person will have their own reactions and they’re all normal and human and to be expected. Will they definitely do a complete mastectomy rather than a lumpectomy sort? I’ve still got my surgery ahead of me so can’t help you much with that (they put me on chemo first in my case) but from what I read, reconstructions etc can be very good indeed.
Welcome to the forums, you’ve come to the right place for support as you can see from all the post you have already received. The users of this site have a wealth of knowledge and experience between them and I’m sure many more will be along to support you.
You may also find it helpful to contact our free helpline on 0808 800 6000, opening hours are Monday to Friday 9.00 – 5.00 and Saturday 9.00 – 2.00.
The bit after diagnosis and before treatment starts is the most overwhelming and scary bit. Once you start treatment you’ll feel more in control. I promise! I posted a post very similar to yours 4 weeks ago when I was diagnosed. Everyone said that to me. And it’s true!
I also think the fear of the unknown and letting your imagination run wild is worse than actually dealing with the reality. I’ve also been affected by cancer in my family. My mother, grandmother and also my sister all had cancer. I was terrified of chemo having watched them go through it. But they had it a while ago and, although I have only had one session, it is 100 times better than I thought it would be! They were violently ill. Other chemos for other cancers also have different side effects. Apart from being a bit wired, very tired and feeling a bit nauseaus I was OK.
I’m trying out the cold cap. It’s had very mixed reviews on this site. It hasn’t worked for some - and others have been VERY happy with the results. I have my second chemo session on Tuesday which is when the hair starts falling out big time, so I’ll let you know how it goes for me. I had really long hair too. I’ve cut it to shoulder length now (I actually quite like it!! I’d never have done it if I wasn’t going through this) and really, really want to hold onto it. Fingers crossed. Save the discussions of cold caps to your profile so you can dip into them when it comes to that decision.
From diagnosis to treatment for me it was a bit of a whirlwind - about 12 days in total. But I felt I gained a bit of control by preparing a bit. Maybe treat yourself to some nice pyjamas and smellies. I also bought a wig and some hats. I dreaded the thought - but they were actually fab. Like having a great hair day everyday. I haven’t worn mine yet as still have my hair (come on follicles, hang on in there!!).
There’s a 31 year old beauty editor who got diagnosed earlier this year and writes a fab blog that has really helped me (sorry to regular posters - I do keep banging on about this blog! But I read it the day I was told I had to have chemo and it really helped me!). Have a read of this blog when she loses her hair: sophiefeelsbetter.blogspot.com/2011/02/hair-thing-how-it-happened.html and this is her chemotherapy guide for beginners: sophiefeelsbetter.blogspot.com/2011/02/hair-thing-how-it-happened.html. She also talks about lots of other bits and bobs. It’s well worth a read.
Ha! I just re-read the first bit about not eating your fave foods on the chemo days as it will put you off. The day before I started chemo I went to Blockbusters to stock up on some DVDs (I thought I would be banished to the sofa for days. I wasn’t) and I bought a bag of nougat which I gobbled up. I wasn’t sick with the chemo. But now the thought of that nougat makes me gag. Even writing the word is making me feel sick. And I can’t possible go back into Blockbusters ever again. I make my husband go!
Bleugh.
As for losing your breast. I don’t know how you cope with that. I’m not at that bit yet (having chemo first) and don’t want to lose my boobs (having double mastectomy). My boobs were my best friends and are a full 36D, but very nice and perky and still pass the pencil test!! I obviously hate them now as they’re putting me through this! I also have to come to terms with the fact that I will never breastfeed for sure (and may become infertile - gutwrenching). Sophie’s take is here: sophiefeelsbetter.blogspot.com/2011/06/one-boob-wonder.html
Final bit of advice - use the helpline and come and chat to us whenever you need to! :). And hopefully you and your brother will be able to look out for each other too. It will be really useful having someone who understands what you’re going through. I’ve found it very difficult with friends as they all seem to revert to “you’ll be just fine” to which I nod through gritted teeth, but feel like launching into a “how do you know? The specialists can’t even tell me that. I’m bloody terrified and that doesn’t help” type speech!
I am so sorry for the essay. I think I need to learn to reign myself in a bit!
Let us know how you get on over the next few days.
Do you know if you HAVE to have chemo yet? Sometimes if your tumour is Grade 1 you might not need to have chemo, so before you cut off your hair, wait until they confirm it.
If you DO have to have chemo, I suggest you take a look at littleprincesses.org.uk, which is a charity that takes donations of hair and makes wigs for UK children who lose their hair. I found it was my way to stick the middle finger up to cancer so someone else could make use of my hair as I was going to lose it. See what you think.
The Waiting Room, before you know the full story, is THE WORST part of all of this. Yes, I know you can feel a bit rubbish going through chemo but at least you know what’s going on. I found the waiting the most horrible part. Once you know what’s going to happen, you’ll feel a lot more in control and I think it’s the loss of control that freaks us out.
Got to dash, there are loads of suggestions for how to cope - don’t google except on sensible sites, get a notebook to write down all your questions, AND the answers, use the forums as much as you find helpful to whinge, moan, rant, rave, celebrate, laugh, cry. There will always be someone who’s “been there, done that” who can hold your hand, even if only virtually. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SILLY QUESTION. None of us were experts before being hit by the cancer atom bomb, so ask away. Use the Helpline, they’re brilliant.
Sorry, got to dash, off to the DIY shop to buy some guttering and floorboards - it’s all go!
Thank you so much for your advice and for sharing your experiences. I am heartened by reading everything you have all written and feel that not only do I have family and friends supporting me I have cyber friends too.
I chatted to the hairdesser this afternoon and made an appointment for next week to have my hair cut shorter. I was told that I will probably have to have chemo, so I would rather prepare mentally for it. If I don’t loose it then I can grow it again. The hairdresser said that they have a small provate area for customers who have had or are having treatment.
My boob is still very brusied from the biopsy last week and as the day goes on it starts to feel very uncomfortable. The nurse at the hospital said it would take a while for the bruising to go? The Doc told me I would need to have a mastectomy and probably lymph glands removed as they believe there is a lump there too.
I am waiting for dates and times for the body and bone scans, but have an appointment date of 6 July with the Consultant.
Did anyone else feel like setting up a coconut shy at the bottom of the garden and smashing all the crockery they could get their hands on. It is what I feel like doing.
I was completely angry, my mother and younger sister went through BC treatment last summer and I was going down the family history route to see what my risk was - I had clear mammogram last Aug(although there were 3 cysts of which nothing was done about) and genetics wouldn’t do the test for me at xmas. Rest is history…
Coconut shy - wish I’d thought of that one - I just cried and wailed at the skies and snotted everywhere into a crumpled heap, then went skiing and had to concentrate on not breaking my body so that I could get on with treatment on my return.
Waiting is the pits and the whole situation does get a little easier to deal with once you have info and a bit of a plan in place.
I hope your scans and tests go well for you, and keep dipping in here when you feel the need.
Bev x
laura64 says on 17 Jun 2011 21:14
Hi I know how u feel not having gd day today was dx with sec to lungs in march chemo may 6 taxol/carboplatin loads se had wk in bed I’ll I’ve had thrush so bad can’t eat had only yr off last chemo now back on it no I don’t feel I can cope I don’t want chemo again I hate it I’m bald I’ve cancer I hate this and my life my family say they support me no they have no idea how I feel them that don’t have chemo have no idea my oh u got to fight why I did that a yr ago got me nowhere my bcn is on holiday I cld scream need to vent I don’t want chemo or cancer I hate it all sorry laura
And as you can see, sometimes we DON’T cope. But that’s ok. I am so glad I found this site, it has helped me through the wobbles and I’ve had a few. As someone said, “if you haven’t got it, you don’t get it”, and at least all of us here really “get it”. Being able to vent without someone instantly going into “rabbit in the headlights” mode saying “it’s fine, you’ll be ok” without actually HEARING what they’re saying, is such a relief.
Last night the what if questions started - what if I had not moved my routine mammogram appointment by 2 weeks, would it have made any difference? (No) Although I check myself every month, how come I did not spot it the previous month? What if they find more on the scans?
Sleeping pattern all over the place for past few weeks, but I am sleeping when I feel the need during the day, but waking at 5am or 6am and being wide awake, today was one of those days. I also feel a little sick again today but that is just anxiety again.
I do a lot of voluntary work, so today I am off to the local museum for a couple of hours to help out, will keep my mind off the what if questions. Also meeting a friend who had her second lot of chemo on Thursday. We have formed, along with another friend in the same position, a mutal support group. They understand how I am feeling and vice versa, I see that as a positive thing.
Im so glad Im reading this thread - I was diagnosed last Wednesday and since then my head and emotions have been all over the place. One minute up and happy the next Im down crying and wondering what the future holds.
today I am simply fed up with myself! want to go to the shops and leave my head behind
thought I was on the up but feel like I did when diagnosed in march
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hopefully tomorrow a better day
As everyone said to me when I started this thread, sorry you have joined our club. I got my diagnoses on the 18 June and I had the scans on Friday. I get the results on Wednesday to see if it has spread elsewhere and when my op will be.
I am trying to remain positive throughout this experience and I am taking charge of it rather than letting it take charge of me. We are all different and deal with things in different ways. You have to do what is right for you and not what other people think you should do.
I have found everyone on this site is friendly and helpful and there is always someone there when you need them.
My perspective on the question is …One little baby step at a time,
I was dx with breast cancer 14 years ago , I had mx, chemo, recon tamoxifen and zoladex, was told it unlikely that I would remain fertile and therefore have no children, It was a nightmare… but one day at a time I got through it!!! I went on to get married and despite it all in Feb 2002 I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy …swiftly followed 20 months later by a girl and I fed them both myself with 1 boob!! These 2 are the lights of my life and proof life can go on. I have, earlier this year been dx with a new primary in the other side I have had WLE/SNB I am just over half way through chemo …again… and am seeing ‘my prof’ wed to sort out mx/recon and rads for after chemo… despite knowing personally that I am still here after 14 years doesn’t mean I don’t have wobbles, I do, the gremlins come and with everyones help I can chase them off… there are days when I wake up under what I call the cancer cloud, Listen to the advise given here by, as choccie said, ‘them that have walked the walk!!’ I didn’t have this site 14 years ago but what a difference having it now. Keep your chin up and don’t presume anything many have been told they will/will not need certain treatments and it’s not unusual for it to change…several times until the whole picture is available… I do think though like you I often feel if Imentally prepare it helps… My brother told me to ‘expect the worst & hope for the best’ I, like a good many here on this site, hope with all their hearts for themselves and their other friends going through it on this site… I for one hope you get good news with your varied results
When I was diagnosed in 2010 I was strangely calm. I took one day at a time and spent lots of time reassuring everyone else that I would be fine. I thought that removal of my breast and subsequent treatments were necesseties. I didnt like sympathy however well meaning.Nineteen months later after my third op rads and Tamoxifen I am coping on a practical level but am fed up that the whole thing has gone on and on. I thought quick mastectomy and implant operation and that would be it. Wish I had prepared myself for the long haul. On a day to day basis planning small treats and keeping in touch with people helps no end. Reading the forums is helpful to remind you that you are not on your own. If you feel awful tell others I spent far too much time telling every one I was fine.
Having a bit of a teary bad evening, Im scared im gonna leave my boys behind, Trying real hard to be positive, which I have been most of the day. Just a dark cloud came over a little while ago. My poor mum phoned and had to give phone to my husband.