Hi everyone,
I am definitely going to read “cancer made me a shallower person”. I have read lots of books about heroic people struggling with cancer - I have enjoyed reading them but then I do like to be uplifted and stories like Jane Tomlinson’s although not happy in the end always made me feel uplifted and not so alone. I need a laugh now though!
I think cancer does change some people. I think it has changed me. Or maybe this is just my excuse to do what I want to do and to stop worrying about everybody else! I was at a very strange point in my life before I had BC. I had decided to move country and go from urban to rural living. I was going to give up my job which I loved. Why? I dont know now? I cannot find the place within me that made those decisions. So, now we are selling up and coming back. I am also trying to go full-time in my job.
My friend is a psychiatrist and she told me that she often comes across people who have been through cancer who have found themselves reassessing their lives. Certainly, I feel like I live for the day. I enjoy mundane things. I no longer worry about the minutiae of life because I know there are much serious things I could and do worry about. I read the threads on here, particularly in the secondary forums, and I am amazed at how people find it within them to cope, even to support other people, although I know that it must be extremely difficult. When people are moaning about the weather, a bad cold, work they havent done, lounges that need hoovering, that money is a bit tight etc. I always think of these forums where people have real stuff to worry about. I’m not saying that none of us dont worry about the ‘little’ things any more but just that I dont tend to, that is how BC has changed me. It has also made me incredibly brave. I have faced cancer, its treatment, the fact I have only one breast, and I am still here doing all the things ive always done - for now. Nothing else holds the same fear for me any more. BUT Im not glad that I got BC, there must and are easier ways to reassess your life than to go through what we have been through. I love my friend but last week she told me that she was envious of me in a way, because BC has changed me in a way that she would like to be changed! I hope she never has to go through BC.
So, thanks everyone for your thoughtful comments. I am going to read them all again now because as someone said hearing how other people are thinking can help to make you feel less alone with this.
Polly x