How have your family helped you?

Hi All
I know this sounds like a silly question but what if anything in particular has your family done to help you cope and what has not helped so much?
My MIL was diagnosed this week with secondary BC in her right lung. Although it is early days in terms of the reccurance and no treatment plan is in place until further scans have been done but im just feeling like i dont know what to do for her, what to say or what she needs (other than all the support in the world obviously.)
Going through the primary BC things felt different (or so im feeling right now), i suppose knowing they can not remove the tumor this time fills me with more fear and worry about the whole situation but i just want to know i am therefore her 110% in the way she needs me.
Any comments of advice from parents or family members in similar situations would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading

Firstly, Loulu, that you care enough to ask is fantastic. Ask HER too… Not had secondaries, so I don’t know for sure, but what helped me was: daughter taking me shopping for girlie things. Lifts when I was tired. Treats (tea room). Family not being phased if I said how I really felt. Them getting on with their lives and chatting to me about it…the odd bunch of flowers…the odd note…being prepared to clean up if I was sick…going shopping specially for things I might be able to eat…being normal with me…
Sure others will add to that. She’s lucky to have you…

Hi Jane

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply although im sorry you are in the position to give me your advise! Sounds like your daughter has been looking after you and i will do all i can to do the same for my MIL :slight_smile:
If you dont mind may i ask how you felt about your daughter being honest with you? how do you feel if she gets upset infront of you?
I would really like my MIL to be able to talk to me and be honest and i will ensure that i remind her of that without being annoying and make sure its when she wants to.

Lou x

Hi LouLu, my mum has had secondary breast cancer in the bones and lung for 7 years now but in total since original diagnosis 16 years!! All my mum wanted was just to know we were there for her if she need anything, to help with the cleaning on days she couldn’t manage and just generally do all the things we did before the secondary came - she just wanted “normality”. I found that on my days off work, I would plan to take her out or just spend more time with her, just talking about anything and everything, just let her know you are there for her whenever she needs you. I do try not to get upset in front of her as she does me, but when I go home I used to break my heart, as time has gone by that has passed (only happens now and again) but I make the most of every moment I spend with her (and my dad) as they are both 79 now. Best wishes to you all and take each day as it comes

Alweb x

Hi Alweb

Thank you so much for replying, im sorry you are having to go through the same thing though.
It is however so good to hear that your mum is still with you 16 years later :slight_smile: It gives hope.
I spend all Sunday with my mil chatting and managed to hold back the tears, although now i worry she thinks i dont care as she did make a comment that she thought i would be on the floor in tears (shes knows im an emotional one) but im sure she knows. I just kept leaving the room to release the emotion as im still feeling i need to keep that to myself. Like you said though in time it will become a little easier.
She explained that right now she is wanting to focus on getting her finances / paperwork etc up to date for that dreaded date which is totally devesting to hear but we are respecting her wishes on how she wants to deal with things. We have to hope and pray that the scans next week so no spread and that the tumour in her lung can be shrunk and we wont need to worry about all that for many many years.
Its surprising how much mums do for everyone that we all take for granted…but now were having to share out her day to day takes etc to make things easier for her its clear why she is so amazing :slight_smile:
Best wishes to you and your family.
Thanks again for your reply
Lou x