My partner is happy to come with me to my first appointment on Monday; (mammogram, ultrasound, biopsy - some or all of these, according to the hospital), but I really can’t decide whether I want him with me while I’m actually going through it, so to speak.
I was wondering what the experience of other people whose partners were with them was like. Is it better for them to be there with you throughout or is it enough to know they are in the waiting room?
Hi Beano,
I took my partner with and personally I think that it is the best thing. My partner did not come in with me whilst having the scans,ultrasounds & biopsy’s however she waited in the waiting rooms with a book! She was really supportive and walked with me to ultrasound and xray etc but stayed in the waiting room. She made it really easy and just said if you want me to come in then i will if you dont you dont…just know I am here.
So personally that made me feel good knowing whatever happened she was there as and when i needed her.
I will be thinking of you on Monday and hope it goes well.
Take Care
Lynne.x
Thank you, Lynne.
It really helps to know how other people are handling and coping with it and I really appreciate your help, (and your hope).
All the best,
beano x
Hi Beano,
No probs,
You will get immense support from this site, god knows I have/and continue to receive.
Let us all know how you get on on Monday and stay in touch.
Lynne
x
Dear Beano and Lynne
My husband has come with me every time and I find it very comforting knwing he is there and listening as well to what is said. He waits outside when it is tests and things, but is always there for the results. Now he comes and sits with me during chemo which is great. If he were working though (he’s retired) I don’t think it would be so easy for us cos there are just so many appointments in this game.
Love
Dilys
xxxx
I think having someone with you when you are likely to receive bad news is useful. Some elderly patients find that they have trouble understanding what is being said to them so another person around is helpful. It is also useful to have someone pick you up after an unpleasant treatment that might leave you unfit to drive.
However, if friends and relatives do stay for a long term, they need to be aware of their effect upon other patients. As a long-term cancer patient (Stage 4) I find some of the friends and relatives hanging about in the chemo ward a damn nuisance and a drain on resources! They get served coffee and tea along with the patients FOR FREE which probably why the budget only stretches to cheap nasty coffee. They often help themselves to free sandwiches at lunchtime when they are intended for patients like me who will be there most of the day. I usually end up buying my lunch. Last week, a couple (only he was receiving treatment) helped themselves to a portable DVD player EACH when they are in short supply, so a real cancer patient was deprived. Also, if they were so engrossed in their DVDs, how were they supporting each other?
Also, if someone is dropped off and picked up, there is less pressure upon the carpark. Unfortunately, there is no financial deterrent from parking long-term at my hospital because they hand out free car-parking tickets for those attending chemotherapy and radiotherapy. The hospital had had to introduce a park and ride scheme because the car parks can’t cope.
Here’s how a visitor COULD make themselves very popular with us singletons why we are wired up and can’t move:
Happy to pay! 
Holey
Hi Beano
I went on my own to my first appointment (very very stupidly), I thought everything would be ok - but I cant describe how lonely and isolated I felt getting the bad news on my own.
If its good or bad news for you I would say its definately better to have someone there.
Hope all goes well for you
Fiona
x
Hi
Likewise, I went on my own for my 1st appointment I had all that tests you referred to and coped fine on my own with them BUT I was totally unaware that I could get my results on the same day - and I did - within 2 hrs they told me I’d got breast cancer - they thought it was a cyst up to that point!
I would advise you to check with the hospital to see if its possible that you may get any results on the day and if so I’d take someone with you.
If they say not and you’re ok with needles etc you may find you manage it fine on your own.
I just wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I went through. I’m annoyed it didn’t say in my appt letter that same day results were possible.
Good luck honey xx
i would always take my hubby with me, i,m disabled in a wheelchair, in fact when i went to the one stop clinic, i took my daughter and hubby, my daughter was with me all the time
i was well supported
on the point of funding for holybones, sorry you have such cancer sweetheart and i wish and pray you will get relief
it must be the hospitals approach to feeding them as when i have been in hosp my hubby never was fed he went to the resturant within the hosp
you say portable dvd players did you want one if so why did you not ask the couple if they could manage with one instead of one each
i,m sure it was poss ignorance on their point
as for parking we do get parked free because of my disability
others have to use the pay and go system
if you put too much finacial restraint on your carers or loved ones it would def hurt our budget and we dont get the £200 heating allowance
my hubby has cared for me for many years and his income is only £46.00 per week
sry to vent alittle but just trying to put points over
love
cee
Like Lynne I took my partner with me for my first breast clinic appointment but he sat in the waiting room while I had the tests. Once they told me I had cancer they called him in. I’m quite an independent person and am usually happy to deal with things on my own but on this occasion I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t been there. I was in such a state of shock that I couldn’t have safely driven home.
If you need a lot of tests, as I did (mammo, ultrasound, FNA, core biopsy) there can be a lot of waiting around and it helps ease the monotony if you have someone to talk to. Unless you are particularly nervous about having the tests I wouldn’t take him/her in to the consultation room with you as they are often very small and a partner can just get in the way. However, the breast teams are normally very accommodating and will agree to whatever makes you most comfortable.
Hopefully you will get your mammo, everything will be fine, and you’ll be sent on your way. Fingers crossed!
Lola
Ceegra,
Sorry if you thought anything I said would include you or your husband - it doesn’t.
Of course if you are in a wheelchair you need more support than most. My comments were directed at those who abuse the hospitality and show little concern for other patients. You clearly do not fall into that category.
I too have a Blue badge so can park for free. However, anyone, regardless of income or disability is offered a free pass for the car park at my hospital, if attending for Chemotherapy or Radiotherapy.
I don’t think the HCA Assistant intends to feed the visitors, they just take and she doesn’t spot they aren’t patients.
Holeybones.
Actually, Holybones, you have point.
My particular bugbear is staff and visitors who take up all the parking spaces and leave none for the patients. There should be special parking bays for patients, just as there are for certain members of staff.
When I was having daily radiotherapy my treatment took only around 10 minutes yet I could be circling the car park for an additional 20 minutes each morning looking for a space. This just added to the stress and made the whole experience really unpleasant.
The hospital I attended has now introduced parking charges with exemptions for those undergoing radiotherapy/chemo and some other treatments. Although I think charging is unfair on low-paid hospital workers I still agree that, ultimately, the focus has to be on patients. After all, we are the sick ones and are less likely that the average person to be able to cope with public transport, walking long distances and stress.
All hospitals have resource problems but the hierarchy should definitely be:
Patients
Staff
Visitors
Drug sales reps
hi holybones,
no hon i did not take it personally i was just refering to our particular hosp, if the relatives are doing as you say that is just greed and ignorance, my hubby would not dare take a thing from that situation, but then folk are differant to us which is such a shame.
i know i get parking free but only if the bay that is set aside for the disabled, if they are all took which often they are we still pay, i would frown upon those who drain the resourses of the hosp
darn it we def need improvemnts in the nhs, i know it is nice to have someone with you for moralle support but i pray they dont take food that is for patients that is just taking liberties.
i agree with you on that matter
fee paying is fine and i think it will stop those using it and going into town from there,
for lolag, i would wish they did a short stay car park area where you can only stay for say 30 mins if you are longer then a fee will apply
we all have answers but allas we are patients
take care all of you
love
cee
Thank you, everyone, for your helpful comments. As far as the points regarding visitors in general are concerned, I think it would be nice if it just came down to basic common sense and consideration for other people. Sadly, that doesn’t often seem to be the case.
Thanks again, everyone. You have already been a great help to me and I hope I can provide the same support and help where it is needed.
All the best,
beano x
I wanted my husband to be there for my tests and diagnosis as I knew he would have been (even more) devastated to have been excluded from such an important development. We could discuss it at home and he appreciated being included in the post diag talk with the BCN.She was as caring toward him as to me.
He also went with me to the chemo discussion and had a look round the chemo suite etc but after that I always went on my own.I was dropped off and picked up by my daughter at first but then drove myself when I realised that I wouldnt drop into a dead faint the moment the chemo hit my veins.(I dont live far from the hospital though )
And I must agree with Holeybones . Visitors who repeatedly sit cosily with the patients clog up the system for the nurses in a cramped space and also make for an uncomfortable time if they sit and stare while we are having treatment. Its one thing to share this with other patients and nursing staff but I really don’t want just anyone watching as I struggle to keep calm while the nurse pokes around looking for a working vein.
There is rule in our suite though (mostly observed) that only during the first treatment can a visitor sit with the patient and after that they must either wait in the waiting room or come back later. Obviously if they are carers there is an exception to the rule.
Personally I tend toward the do-it-by-myself camp though and don’t perhaps always see that others need the physical presence of loved ones while they are under stress. So do what makes you feel right -there isnt a rule book and this is one time when your needs are foremost.
Wynn
Thank you, Wynn,
I’ve got about an hour before I leave for my appointment and I can feel the butterflies starting. My other half is coming with me but I’ m almost certain that he’ll be more use to me in the waiting room!
All the best,
beano x
All the best beano
I’ve got everything crossed for you.
I find it useful to have an additional pair of ears because they give you that much info it’s sometimes hard to remember it all!!
Good luck
Alison
xx
Hi mammabee,
And thank you. A big, BIG thank you!
I don’t know; everything crossed; four ears… and goodness knows how many boobs! All this is very complicated, isn’t it?!
Hopefully, I’ll be posting on here later today. If not, it will be tomorrow morning in time for Jess’s appointment.
Thanks again…
Love,
beano x
hi, i very stupidly went on my own as i’ve always been so independent, but nothing could have prepared me for being told i had breast cancer, to this day, i don’t know how i drove the 12 miles home, even now after surgery, i feel that my life is very surreal, but how i wished i’d took my hubby with me that day, as said above, no matter what the outcome, you need that extra love and support, fingers crossed your clear, please don’t go on your own
love
Alison
My advice is: DO NOT GO ON YOUR OWN. Sorry, can’t make it any more clearer than that or than any of the other ladies !!!
Fuschia
xxxx