How long should I leave it?

Hello,

a friend of mine had an operation to remove a lump from her breast and lymph nodes from her arm a couple of days ago. I’d like to contact her and find out how it went, but no idea how long it is normal to be in hospital for. I wouldn’t like to send her flowers only for her to find them dead when she comes home!

How long do you think I should let her recover before I call?

Thanks

AnnaBell

I am sure your friend would love to hear from you at any time - if it’s only a quick call to say you are thinking of her. That was more important to me. My “best friend” couldn’t visit me in hospital as she was having her hair done (for 5 days??) and sent flowers. The people who called who I didn’t even consider close were much more heartening.

Sharon x

I would call her straight away - you need friends at a time like this and she’ll be delighted to hear from you. Leave it to her to tell you when to call in. My friend sent me flowers in the right colours for my bedroom when i came home - it was such a personal and kind thought.
Sarah
XXX

The other option, if you find it difficult or not know when is the right time to ring her, is to send her a lovely card and tell her that you want to ring her and when would be the best time.

Pinkdove

Hi most of my friends have been a tower of strength to me but there has been what i thought was a close friend would be there for me hasn’t and i have been quite upset about it. My most busiest of friends has done the most for me and the one who lives furthest away and suffers from M S has been to see me loads of times and rings me nearly everyday so i am sure your friend will be only too pleased to hear from you. Show her your support.
Sandra

Hi AnnaBell

The other ladies have given sound advise and I agree it is good to have friends like you. Have you considered waiting a week or two before sending flowers? The initial flurry of calls cards and flowers is really uplifting, I didn’t have enough vases!

A couple of weeks down the line your friend may be feeling a little flat or confused or just downright fed up with herself. Perhaps that would be a time to send flowers.

I hope all goes well for your friend.

Carol

From my experience, what I really needed from friends was offers to do things / go out… obviously once recovered from surgery. I found that I was sat at home on my own a lot (I live on my own) and that gave me too much time to think about bc and all the issues surrounding it. And that left me feeling quite down at times. Yes, folk sent texts a lot, but to be honest, they were read in about 5 seconds flat, leaving me more thinking time. I didn’t feel like initiating outings, going to the cinema, out for a drink, etc… but would have gratefully appreciated that offer from friends. Unlike most on this site, other than one particular tower of strength, I found that people didn’t rally round, and I had to deal with it all pretty much on my own… quite an isolating experience.

If any friend of mine is diagnosed with bc (& obviously I hope this never happens), I’d be suggesting we go out and do things, or I’d physically be dropping in for a cuppa and a chat, to give another focus to their thoughts…

So, after all that, what I’d say AnnaBell is don’t feel wary of calling your friend… I’m sure she’ll appreciate big time the friends that stay with her throughout the treatment and not just at the beginning…

AliS

Hi AnnaBell

I agree with the other girls, and I’d call her as soon as you can. It doesnt have to be a long call if she’s tired, but speaking from experience, it means so much for friends to ring or text asking how you are. I’m sure she’d love a visit from you too.

Bless you for being so caring !

Hope your friend is getting on ok

Love Julie xxx

Hi ladies,

When I had my mastectomy and reconstruction, I was in hospital for a week and loved the seemingly endless of suppllies - also, the friends and family who were there for me and have continued to be there for, are my true friends. There were days when I wasn’t able or ready to reply to their lovely goodwill messages, but being good friends, they understood. I was sooooo lucky with my friends - I was a single mum at the time of my WLE and the mastectomy and they took my 3 boys under their wings and said they were glad to do it.

I’m going on, but what I what to say is that any heartfelt wishes are so gladly received - don’t hesitate.

Sally xx

Hello Annabell

I am recovering well from my second op. After my first op I received so many flowers I had to give some away to the neighbours as my flat is not much bigger than a shoebox. Following this op the pressies I have found most useful are magazines puzzle books and boiled sweets. Sometimes it seems like the phone never stops ringing but luckily everyone understands if I am too tired for a long chat. Some friends who I hoped would be in touch have been cospicuous by their absence but I guess it is hard for them. Your friend is lucky to have you around
Best wishes
Hilary

Thanks everybody for all your helpful advice.

I sent her some flowers anyway, that come with a vase, so she wouldn’t have to worry about finding one! Heard from her the day she got them - same day she came out of hospital - and she sounds OK, phew! Made sure I’ve got both her numbers, to keep tabs, and told her that she’s to tell me when to b****r off and let her get some rest. Me and hubby are going to get on a train and go see her after Christmas - she says that’s the time she’ll probably feel poorly during post op treatment and needs some help. Feel so much more confident about being of use now.

Don’t forget though, anyone on here who is hurt by absence of friends, they are scared by the whole situation too, especially if they’ve never encountered severe illness before. They can be so scared of saying or doing the wrong thing that they can end up avoiding you. It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care!

Love,
AnnaBell

Well done AnnaBell, in pointing out that friends can be scared . If they are real friends they will get over avoiding you and come back to you when THEY feel they are strong enough to cope with your illness. I am sure they still care.