My surgery, a WLE and lymph node biopsy, was eight weeks ago. After about a month I was back to driving, dancing, digging the garden etc. Three weeks ago i started taking tamoxifen and despite some outrageous hot flushes I seemed not to have any terrible side effects… but now my energy levels are lower than they were a month ago, my legs hurt all the time and I alternate between feeling horribly weepy and needy, and having bursts of dynamism which last an hour or so and leave me slumped in an exhausted heap afterwards. I seem to have lost the ability to sustain effort and to pace myself. My arm still hurts especially when I’m tired, though it’s usually better after I’ve stretched.
I was talking to my daughter on the phone last night and she pointed out that the body needs energy just to heal itself. Am I pushing myself too hard? I don’t feel as though I am but maybe my expectations of myself have been unrealistic.
I’ve never been short of an inner critic (or two, or three - a whole chorus of them sometimes!) and right now I’m hearing that I’m lazy and weak and unduly demanding. Sadly, I have run out of the energy I need to tell them to shut up!
Well I currently have enough energy for both of us so I am telling those inner critics of yours to bog off! and leave you alone. Stop beating yourself up that will only prolong your process of recovery.
You really do need to pace yourself and as your lovely daughter says, give yourself time to rest and recover. As you know I am back playing bowls, but when I started 6 weeks ago I was absolutely exhausted and I hurt all over from the stretching and walking up and down 21 times, it is starting to get easier.
You are not lazy or weak, you just need to give yourself time to recover.
Hi Lin Let me tell your inner critics to S*d off for you. I really relate to your story. I was determihned to “get back to normal” and indeed have done, nearly 6 months after WLE and SNB and 4 months after rads, but with hindsight i think i was a bit too keen - wanting to know how soon i could lift things after SNB, not enjoying limiting myself, and very pleased when I was able to do all the things i did before, and dead proud when i helped a younger neighbour with a 75 litre bag of compost out of her car!. But I still get a bit knackered some days for no apparent reason - on those days i take a book and the cat to lie on the bed and have an hour’s guilt-free lie-down and a kip. Your daughter is absolutely right - it is important not to underestimate what we have been through, not just physically. I was feeling pleased that I “only” had rads and not chemo, but actually we’ve been through a lot and I think we need to rest when our body or brain tells us to. Tell your inner ciritcs that they don’t know zilch about breast cancer and to please go away! Wishing you many guilt-free, feet-up times whenever you need them. xxxxx
Thanks… a laugh always helps. The image puts an extra dimension to the concept ‘cat-nap’. And to those who told the inner critics to **** off, thanks again. Don’t know if they’ll listen, but I really appreciate the back-up.
Truth is, there’s no-one but me demanding too much of me, it’s all down to my expectations and self image; ‘She who copes’ will just have to get on with not always coping. And if I get tired of painting shelves (that’s today’s job) I will just have to lie down and pretend to be a moggy.
Just listen to your body and please don’t listen to the inner critics in your head telling you to get up and keep busy. Your body will heal itself quicker with rest and sleep. I had WLE and SLNB end February did all the arm exercises I was given and went to my hospital Macmillan centre for gentle yoga & relaxation classes. Once I started Chemo 10 weeks ago it was a different story and I found the tiredness plus two trips to A&E for infection really had a big effect on me. I’ve also had palpitations on Docetaxol and been out of breath and feeling shaky sometimes. I love pottering in the garden, walking etc but have an hours nap in the afternoon most days! I’ve got radiotherapy starting in 3 weeks as just had my last cycle of TC. I intend taking up the yoga again as I’ll be at the hospital every day and maybe some other complimentary therapies the offer, depends on my energy levels.
