How much more upset can I stand

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Hi All,

Still cant give in to my hair - wearing my first bandana and feel stupid. My hair is shedding at an unbelievable pace. I know I should shave it but I cant. My OH has said she will but I cant face being bald…and I cant stand the thought of a wig either…

Im sooo depressed I feel sick. Im sick of this journey, im sick that I want my old life back and I know people say oh your hair will be back - well when>??? I want it now!!! How awful does this thing make us!!

Ive rang and told work I am not coing in tomorrow, may shave it myself - feel so embaressed in front of anyone being half naked never mind bloody bald!

Just want to tun away from all and everything…even my OH cried today and said how crap everything is at the minute…!

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Hi Lynne007

I am so sorry to hear that you are taking the hair loss so badly. I have been there but had a more possitive experience. I did not want to wear a wig and didn’t.

Perhaps if I give you my experience you can pick one bit out of it to help you focus.

When I was told I would need chemo the Breast Care Nurse was very quick in giving me a prescription for a wig. In the whole shock of things I went to the local supplier.
The woman must have thought she was being helpful but she wasn’t I wanted to get out there as fast as I could and so picked they wig she said suited me. Well it didn’t and my family just stared, luckily my youngest boy said I looked like I did in my wedding photo, we all laughed because that was 30 years ago and I knew I looked like I wanted to look 30 years younger. We ditched the wig and it is still in the back of a cupboard. I took to wearing a stylish hat. My job involved speaking to conference delegates and the first time I did this I felt a little conscious but at the same time proud that I had stood up and faced folks. I just let them guess want was under the hat. Well one day after one of these training sessions I got in my car, it was very warm so I took off my hat and wound down the window. Woosh a whole chunk of the hair that was left flew out of the window. I just saw the funny side as it was nesting time and I knew there would be some bird looking for good insulation for their nest. Well the time came to shave off the last few strands that wouldn’t fall out.
This was difficult Lynne but I had to do it. I didn’t wear bandana’s because they didn’t cover my forehead enough and they kind of emphasised the baldness. Instead I tracked down larger head squares ( That was hard) and learned how to tie them around my head in creative ways. People who knew me began to comment on the creative ways I used scarves.

The best bit is that when my hair did start to grow back about two months after the last Chemo it looked better than before!
Can I give you a tip about the hair regrowth. Start saving a little each week/month to treat yourself to go to a top hairdresser in your area when your hair has grown back an inch. Its amasing what they can do with such a little bit of hair!

Regarding the sickness you just need to lie down and take each moment as it comes. In my experience wanting things to be what they are not at this times just puts pressure on me. I am able to stay positive by having a lot of me time.

By the way I am sure you will find work colleagues empathetic and will soon get used to the new you.

Take care

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Hi Lynne

I am so sorry you feel so bad. I am 16 months since the end of my treatment now but I can so remember the dark days during chemo.

For me, like yourself my hair loss was the one thing I could not handle. I even opted to have chemo every week for 6 months instead of every 3 weeks as my onc told me there was a chance doing this that it wouldn’t all come out. Everyone thought I was mad putting myself through it but I would rather throw up every week than be bald. It was that simple.

ANyway it didn’t all come out but most of it did. I had a bald patch on the top of my head and wisps around ths sides so I just wore a baseball hat. There was no way I could have shaved it and if you can’t face it DONT!!

I refused to get a wig as I just couldn’t bear the thought as for me wigs are for pantomines and I couldn’t believe that this was real life. So, I persevered with the hat and luckily it was a hot summer last year so it didn’t look that bad. I did not go out at night ever because then it would have looked odd.

What I am trying to tell you is that nobody could hav e been worse than me about hair and yet I got through it. Sixteen months on it is still not as long as it was but it’s OK. Right at the end of my treatment my eyelashes and brows also came out but I just wore sunglasses and they came back within weeks.

My heart goes out to you because I know the dark place you are in but I just wanted you to know that I now look back on it All and it is almost unreal - like I dreamt it. I do still have bad days but you will get through itand please dont shave your head if you dont want to - I could never have done it in a million years.

Take Care

Alise x x

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Hi Lynne

I am at the same stage as you, my very long hair is shedding madly and can’t decide whether to shave or not. Bought a cap to cover widening parting (along with a bottle of wine) Knew I would be upset but thought I would be ok but it is Sh*t. Took 20 yrs to grow and hated it as a child with short hair as always thought I looked like a boy. I am personally going down the wig side, well will see how it goes, think bandanas just attract attention. Is your head itch and sore? mine is. The house is covered in hair as quickly as I can pick it up it is as bad again. I am hoping once it has gone and got used to it can then focus on the future and I hope you can too. I know people mean well by saying it will grow back but it isn’t their hair is it. Your hair is part of your identity so we become someone else for a while. You rant and rave on this site as much as you want if it helps to let it out we are here for you. My thoughts are with you through this time. I hope you feel able to cope more and feel better soon,

Love

JulieL
xxx

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I’ve been there too, with my hair and found it difficult to cope with the idea of losing it. When it started to come out I cried every time I brushed it. But soon it drove me so mad being so itchy that I was glad to see the back of it! I went to a very sympathetic hairdressers from where my wig was supplied and they shaved my head and fitted my wig. Friends couldn’t tell when I started wearing my wig, thinking I’d splurged on hairdresser before my hair fell out but I could so I have only worn it twice! I bought some lovely soft hats out of ASDA and sent for a couple from a brilliant US website - www.headcovers.com - and I’ve never looked back. I lost my hair in the middle of June and I now have a covering all over my head - not very long, but very obviously there. Was so delighted that I shampooed it last night! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I have enough not to need wig for son’s wedding in 6 weeks. My eyebrows I never lost completely, tho my eyelashes went, but they were well after my hair, and they are now growing back very quickly. I have been overwhelmed by the support from friends and family none of whom have been remotely bothered about my bald head and eyelashless eyes - they are only concerned that I have company for hospital visits and that I am keeping well etc. I also felt I had nothing to complain about re my hair, I have a friend who has alopecia and has had no hair whatsoever for 9 years, and no guarantee she ever will have again. Think that this is all just a temporary set back in your life, all will be well again soon. Time passes very quickly. I have been through 4 sessions of chemo, now half way through radiotherapy and it all seems to have passed in a very short time. You can do it girl.

God Bless

Kriss

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Hi

I have been there too, shaved my head Friday week ago, as my hair was shedding in droves, and was driving me mad, and my 9 month old was picking up hair with all his toys. It was very emotional, not at the time, cos stayed really strong as didn’t want to cry in front of the lady doing it (at home), but after she left got all silly and emotional and wouldn’t speak to anyone that rang that night. I also didn’t think would suit a wig, and am defnitely not a bandana type person, but went to my local wig shop, the ladies were lovely and they picked one right at the end which was so close to my own colour and style and it looked like me. My good neighbour said it is better than my hair as no roots showing through, as have blonde highlighted hair, and wig has lovely blonde streaks. Everyone says how amazing it looks and they wouldn’t know it was a wig, and I do believe they are being sincere.

My wig is not a thick head of hair, as these didn’t suit me, as my hair is/was so fine. My wig is quite fine and not too much hair on top if you know what I mean.

It is a very tough decision to shave your head, one I found extremely hard, but knew it was a hurdle I need to get through to move on to the next step. Finding my hair everywhere and not being able to wash/comb it was driving me nuts, so it was the next step for me.

Take your time and do it when you are ready. I hate my bald head, but don’t really look in mirrors and have my wig in the day and little beanie hat at night.

I hope you are feeling better tomorrow. It is a very s**t journey we are taking and no one really fully understands what its like unless they have been/going through it. You will get through this though and we are all here to support and help you as best we can.

Take care
Love
Dawn
x

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Hiya Lynne007,

I know its very hard for you at the moment but believe me you DO get used to it.
Please try remember its not forever, its a very short term process you have to go through. Unfortunately this is part of the parcel and there isnt much you can do to stop it. Just grit your teeth and go with it.

I had quite long hair before my cancer diagnosis. I shaved it off before it could start falling out
Some ladies on here have said when you shave it off you feel like you have control which is how I felt.
I have not had short hair since I was about 14…im now 37.

My hair started growing back midway through my chemo. I had my last chemo 3 weeks ago and my hair is now currently about 1cm long. I know thats not long but not bad considering I was still having treatment.

Funny tho, as I have always said short hair does not suit me and does nothing for me but every family member and friend have all said that I should stick with short hair as it suits me so much and makes me look younger.

My OH and best mate keep calling me Annie Lennox…(I think I would prefer to look like her from Roxette!)

I lost my eyebrows and eyelashes but no one can tell as I do such a good job “painting” some on.

Please please believe me when I say you will get used to it.

Love Julie x

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Hi Lynne

I’m so sorry you feel so crap sweetheart - and I can totally relate to it - I think we all can. After my OH shaved my head, I cried constantly for a week, and during this time told him I had no intention of having anymore chemo, didn’t want to go out, see people, speak to anyone, and everytime I looked in the mirror, I was so nasty to myself - calling myself a freak, ugly, you name it I called myself it. I remember when I first started ordering bandana’s on line, I was sobbing and screamed “I don’t want a bloody bandana - I want my own hair!!” I must admit, I was hell to live with, but I felt like you do now, I hated what I’d got, and just wanted everything to go back to normal.

Those dark days didnt last that long though to be honest. I did stick with the bandana’s - and I can honestly say I quite like them now. I did buy a wig initially but hubby, kids and friends said bandana’s suited me better, and the wig has never been worn. I dreaded the first time I went out with it on though - especially standing at the school gates (that was the worst for me, as I don’t stand with the groups of Mums, I’m usually on my own which suits me), and going back to work (I work for a very large company), BUT I swear to you, no-one stared and I soon got used to it. Now, I’ll go anywhere, with my head held high - why should I hide ?

I did lose my eyebrows and lashes, but coped much better than I thought I would, and still wear makeup.

Lynne, I wish I could just reach out and give you a huge hug - I know we all say it, but its true, you WILL get used to it, and I promise you the good days will outnumber the bad.

I hope by the time you read this, you are feeling much better.

Sending you lots of love, and the biggest of hugs

Julie xxx

P.S Don’t let me down girl - come and join the bandana club !

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Hi Ladies,

Thank you so so so much for the replies.

Julie - I am so needing that hug right now but cyber hugs works for me. Oh and I know what you mean about the name calling!!

I havent shaved it yet, Im hoping that it just slows down(wishful thinking I know!!!) but I know it has to be done come the time. Went out with a bandana on last night(thank god for it getting dark nights). I only went to my mums and then I sat in car whilst OH went to shop and my boss knocked on my window and said it suits me - not too sure iff she really meant it but hey ho.

My head is sore and Im dreading washing it again tonight as its just coming out but maybe when it does come out and i have nothing their there is nothing left for me to care about it is there.

Your all truly lovely ladies and I thank you all for taking the time to respond when you have your own problems.

Love to you all.

Lynne.x

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Hi Lynne

I am really sorry that you are having to go through this, when I was going through my chemo (last August - Dec) I shaved mine off on my own with no-one around. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. My hair was down to my waist and I loved it, I was so angry and frustrated that I had to do it. I did have a wig but only wore it when taking my little boy to nursery. I wore a lot of hats and scarves which I got from Tie-Rack, they were a great size and as someone else said, you can learn how to tie them differently. All of my mates worse Tinsel wigs at Christmas when we went out so I wouldn’t feel out of place, they were great! I started to get hats to go with outfits and my work colleagues (all men) were fab!!! I did have one funny experience though, when I first wore my wig, I went to Next to get some Jeans, I wasn’t in the shop tow minutes and I ran back to the car and cried, I felt as though everyone was looking at me and wondering if i was in disguise…how funny. I thought everyone would know it was a wig…as everyone tells you that they cant tell the difference. I didn’t believe this until my cousin commented on my having a fringe and said it really suited me. After that comment, she gave me a hug and said that maybe I wouldn’t lose my hair if I was lucky, who got the biggest shock - she couldn’t believe it was a wig.

I used to forget that I had no hair when i answered the door to the postman or whoever else, it was rather amusing to see their shock but you get used to it. My hair has grown back thicker, healthy and i love it, even the curls. i do straighten it everyday mind, its the only way I can control it!

This is just another chapter in our books, another journey… but you’ll get through it, we have and continue everyday as it comes.

You take care of yourself and let us know how you get on.

Love to you

Claire x

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my hair started to come back quite quickly . finished chemo in june and have about 3" of hair all over. but it now seems to have stoppped, i was hoping for a bob by christmas. on average how long does it take to have a decent style,

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Lynne,

for me, losing my hair was one of the hardest things to deal with since diagnosed in mar. Far harder to cope with than even the mastectomy! I’m not particularly vain, however I was always proud of my lovely long dark locks. They were part of who I am, and I knew that losing them was an outward sign to everybody that I was ill. I thought losing my hair was gonna make me look and feel like a victim. Everyone would know I had cancer and I couldn’t bear the thought of people staring at me.

I am 35 and live with my lovely boyfriend. I was concerned that if I couldn’t bear to look at myself in a mirror then he certainly wouldn’t be able to look at me. I felt that he would no longer find me atttactive and, as we’re not married, leg it out of the door. He actually shaved my hair for me after my first chemo session however it still didn’t fully prepare me for how I would feel when it finally all came out. I was devastated, I cried and cried and cried 'til I could cry no more.

Please rest assured though, it DOES and it WILL get easier. I’ve said it so many times before but its so true. As awful as it seems at the time it doesn’t last for long and your hair will be growing back before you know it. Trust me!!!

Take care,

Kelly
-x-