I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer in May 2023. I underwent a mastectomy , 14 rounds of chemo and 15 rounds of radiation as my main treatment. I was quite poorly during chemo and it was therefore stopped early.
I am now on the 10 year course of Letrozole.
After my treatment i was left with quite a lot of various health conditions which have impacted my daily life along with now living with a cancer diagnosis and a life changing mastectomy.
Throughout all this i continued to work through all my treatment. Mostly from home (as and when i could), days in the office and at times from my hospital bed. (I was constantly rung whilst in hospital about work). My work/role was covered the entire time by myself apart from one job which is about 10% of my work load. It put a masive strain on my physical and mental health. As i am not entitled to company sickpay i didnt want cancer to impact me financially and to be honest there was no cover for my role so didnt want to let my employer down so i continued to work.
I did not have a phased return back to the office and no return to work interview. I more or less was asked to start back full time the day after my last radiation session.
Im exhausted. Whilst i built up my annual leave i then used most of it becsuse i them had to have a 2nd operation and so used my leave for 2 weeks recovery.
My problem is that whilst i did all this and drove myself to the point of total exhaustion and mental breakdown i have had to put up with snarky remarks from one colleague in the office.
When i would go into the office during my chemo they would say things like “decided to get out of bed today have you " or " working part time hours are you”. I tried to ignore it but when i returned full time it has gotten worse.
They constantly make remarks about having to do one particular job they covered for me and are still covering because this one thing has become busy and they dont have has much workload as me so it makes sense they keep it. They constanlty say " dont worry we will pick up the slack" or " we do your job anyway" also they make fun of my appearance now as i lost all my hair and it came back grey. They liken me to a famous 72 year old woman. It really offends me and Its not my fault i look like this!!!
If i book a day off or i book a day out they keep making remarks why i’m doing things like their jealous …i politely reply"because life’s to short" or regarding work issues if i say white they say black. They are quite argumentative. Other colleagues have noticed and noticed they only behave this way towards me
My problem is this person is a close family member of my manager. I don’t know how to handle this without it resulting in me having to leave my job. Non of my other colleagues will speak up for me because of the repercussions. Inappropriate comments at work How to deal with work colleagues
I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through at work @truffles00.
I’m sure that someone on the forum will be able to share their experience with you, and I hope you’re able to find a way to deal with it that works for you.
Please also know that our nurses are here if you’d ever like to chat things through. They can be reached on our free helpline on 0808 800 6000 which is open Monday to Friday 9am-4pm and 9am-1pm Saturday.
You poor thing, this is awful for you to go through and shame on your colleagues. I think you have to put yourself first and record what’s happening as it makes for shocking reading. I would encourage you to write down dates, times and who said what and when. Then bring it to your manager. The company has a duty of care regardless of what kind of contract you have and this needs to be addressed. I would also talk to your GP on this as you need support and cancer is stressful enough without people making your life a misery. I know you might feel like you have limited options but staying in the current situation won’t be good for you long term. Wishing you well and I hope you get the support you need. Mind yourself.
That’s awful . If the colleagues who want to support you are also afraid to speak up then it does sound like there’s a toxic culture / maybe some bullying going on in general that needs to be dealt with . If you are a member of a union I would speak to them you could also talk to MacMillan who I hear are very good for employment rights and financial advice . I’m lucky I work for the NHS where we get good sick pay and phased returns etc. but one thing I’ve learned over the years is that sometimes it’s best to be off sick if you aren’t 100% that way everyone knows where they stand . There may be a perception in some quarters ( ignorant spiteful people ) that you have made yourself out to be more sick than you actually are . Those of us who have an inkling of what cancer treatment is like will know different but not everybody does and media perceptions of recovery times plus the story of the friend of a brother of a friend who had all their treatments hardly took a day off then came back to work
Pressed the send button too soon - again . There’s always a story of that person that people cling to. After getting some advice I would go to your manager ask them frankly if they are happy with your work - I believe they should be because not many people in your position would have do e as much as you have . Inform them that you are having some problems. No matter that it is with someone close to them . By making cruel jokes about your hair etc that is very personal and simply not on . Explain that you have been left with some health issues and that you are not as strong as you were at the moment . I hate to say this but if they don’t appreciate or support you then it might be time to move one. In another recent thread I wrote about my experience with an awful manager , after that illness ( retinal haemorrhage ) I did go back I to the same job though ended up doing a retire and return a bit later at a lower pay band but in the same Dept. However ER if she had still been in post when I was getting ready to return to work I doubt I would have gone back there or would have retired and not returned . At the end of the day as you say life is short - too short to spend being put down in this way . Xx
Hi, this is absolutely shocking. Do these people know what you are going through. They sound a right bunch of bullies.
As someone already said - write all the comments down and take it to HR. Diagnosed with cancer classifies you as disabled which means your company has to make adjustments. Macmillan and Citizens advice are great at giving advice on employment laws and will give support.
I really feel for you. Hope things improve. Lets us know how you get on x
Unfortunately there is no HR its a small company and my boss is his family.
I have also been reffered to as dippy and sometimes when i suffer with my memory, he laughs and makes comments about me being stupid.
Its got to the point where i cry going to work every morning. I booked tickets to an event and he heard me on the phone asking for aisle seats. He questioned why i wanted aisle seats and couldnt just have any seat so i said ive got anxiety i have to sit in an aisle seat, i feel trapped and i dont want to sit by strangers. He swore at me and said hed never heard anything so stupid. Really i want an aisle seat because i dont want anyone bumping into my chest where i had my masectomy (as it happened to me a few weeks ago at a music event) but why should i have to explain that to him ?
I feel like im constantly having to explain myself to him or put up with his insensative remarks and my boss cant see anything wrong with him.
Hi, if you dont have HR, do you have a union? If not, I would definitely get help from citizens advice / macmillan. You shouldnt have to put up with this behaviour especially when you are ill x
Your post was unbelievable, what disgustingly cruel behaviour, the only way people like this would understand is if they got cancer themselves. I would keep a record of every incident also & definitely get some advice. Your recovery will be slowed down being in a situation like this. Cancer is a terrible thing to go through, why would anyone be so cruel, it’s beyond me, it’s not something you’d wish on your worst enemy. I wish you luck & hope you get a solution.
Maybe you don’t have to explain everything - my friend always asks for an aisle seat when she books into anything and nobody makes her explain . Swearing at you - that really is appalling behaviour . I don’t normally approve of subterfuge like this but maybe you should record your conversations on your phone then if he swears at you again it’s recorded. But take all the other advice - Union , MacMillan , Citizens Advice speak to your surgery as sometimes they have counsellors who can help you . I’m not saying that this is your fault - it’s not it’s his but they may be able to teach you some coping strategies that might make him limit his behavior a bit . And if you can face it speak to your boss - if your boss doesn’t believe you and you’ve tried everything else then record it and play it to your boss or if you’re afraid you won’t get a good reference if you do that then leave - and tell your boss why because if he’s done it to you then he will do it to someone else. Xx