How to help Gran

How to help Gran

How to help Gran Hi All,

Sadly my lovely Mum is in the final stages of the Breast Cancer Fight (Mets almost everywhere)

Mum is only 56 and her Mum (My Gran) is still alive.

Dad and I are coping okay at the moment.

I’m just really unsure how I can help my Gran.

Nobody expects to lose a child and my poor Gran has already seen so many loved ones die (Her twin sister and husband the most recent)

She is 80 and deals with things very differenly to me.

She is obviously very upset but this shows as irritation, fussing and talking about trivial things and often insensitive things like who’s died in the neigbourhood, as well as being argumentative and critical. (like nagging my Mum for having a Sherry! or telling me off for not ironing the bedding!)

I’m Grans only Gran Daughter and she has no other close family who live nearby, I don’t feel close to her because she can be so annoying and offensive, but want to help her and also don’t want to fall out with her (which is very possible!)as she is a close link to my Mum.

How can I help Gran? she won’t talk, she won’t admit whats happening (she keeps saying …when Mum gets better).

This is just an awful time and the prospect of how much worse Gran will make this for me to deal with is a real worry.

Sorry to moan, and sorry to those who aren’t lucky enough to still have a Gran who must think I’m so selfish!!


Hi Lou,

So sorry to hear about your mum. I was in a similar situation when my passed away with Stomach Cancer 18 months ago.

Her father (grandad) is still alive. My mum was 67 and my grandad has just had his 96th birthday. He lives alone, his wife passed away 19 years ago and my mum was an only child.

I do have a brother and sister, so that has helped me. But until my breast cancer, I cared for him. He is very independant and always made the most inappropriate comments, sometimes in fron of my mum. Older people view things differently than we do, I find. He kept saying “when you get better”. Didn’t realise the seriousness of the situation.

It must be the worst thing, to loose a child and your Grans behaviour is a defence mechanisim I am sure. She must be devestated. Just be there for her, and sometimes I am afraid you may have to bite your tongue. Their coments are not meant to be hurtful.

Sorry I can’t be more helpful, but I do understand.