Hi,
First Post
My wife (38) was diagnosed with Grade 3 breast cancer last week.
She is having a Mastectomy next week followed by Chemo.
We have a 4 year old daughter.
Anyone got any hints on how to plan for the next 6 months? How much time should I plan taking off work? What support will she need after the op and during Chemo?
I want to provide as much support as possible and I need to speak to work this week and set expectations - but I am really not sure what I need to plan for.
Thanks
Hi and welcome -nice to know that you are the sort of person to do this - a lot will depend upon the type of person your wife is but I would think you will need a couple of weeks when she comes out of hospital especially with a four year old. I would also say don’t try to do everything if she feels she can do some things herself as if she is anything like me we want to be looked after but treat normallyand not made to feel redundant… Chemo can be different for each person but you willprobably need to go with her at least for the first few times and more if she wants you to but this can take all day…my hospital visits have varied from between 2 to 5 hours.
The actual effects of the op and chemo can be quite devastating for us women even if we don’t always admit it so beware of mood changes (whats new I hear you ask)
and don’t take it too personally if she bursts into tears at the drop of a hat and for no particular reason. This is just a start as I am sure lots of others will want to comment and I was also going to say give her lots of hugs but you sound like the sort of person who would anyway…and I am sure your daughter will make her determined to fight so things will get better than they seem at the minute.
X
Hi mlindsay
How nice that your wife has you planning how best to support her - well done you!
I was 46 when diagnosed last november. Grade 3, I had mastectomy, followed by chemo, rads and more chemo - just about to start a year of herceptin.
I have to say that my hubby was also supportive (I have a 21 yr old daughter and a 10yr old daughter too). I was in hospital for 6 days - during this time hubby continued to work and friends helped with getting youngest to school/picking her up etc. When I came home, I was tired and sore, couldn’t do too much lifting etc - but again hubby continued to work, and my eldest daughter helped with geting youngest up and ready. Obvioulsy she is old enough to walk to school etc and help about the house herself - your daugher is much younger.
Once the chemo started, hubby took the day off to come with me to first one, but after that I went on my own. He has had the occasional day off for visits to oncologist etc, but in the main has continued to work. This has been mainly out of necessity - obviously I have not been able to work during this period and finances dictated that we couldn’t both be off lol !
Your situation is obviously different to mine, with your daughter being so much younger - is she at nursery/school yet? I was fine at home on my own but I would certainly have needed help to keep a younger child amused all day!
It was the more practical stuff from my hubby that I appreciated - him doing the ironing or hoovering, or getting tea ready. Some days, particularly on the chemo you are just so tired it’s all you can do to get up off the chair!
The only thing I would add is to take every offer of help you get - if someone wants to cook meals/do the shopping/take the kids for a while - let them - they’ll feel good for helping and you and your wife will be glad of the rest!
I hope everything goes ok for your wife - please keep us posted.
Margaret x
PS there are some very good publications available from BCC on what to expect, and how to talk to kids etc, and also some very good threads on Surgery and top tips for chemo which you may find useful.
Welcome to the site no one wants to join (terrible joining conditions!) and well done for posting on it.
My situation is similar in that I am 39, diagnosed grade 3 on 30th April, surgery 7th May and now undergoing chemotherapy, which will be followed by radiotherapy. We have daughters aged 4 and 2. It is tiring at the best of times looking after young children, but they obviously do pick up on what’s going on. We have found the short book ‘Mummy’s Lump’ (see the homepage of this website) great for our 4 yr old as I’m having everything in it, and it helps her to think that she’s not the only little girl whose Mummy is poorly.
It’s really hard to learn not to plan, but for this summer we are having to. I’d think about what kind of work you do - do you have to be away from home all day? Can you go home if she suddenly has a bad day? Maybe you have friends/family who can help at short notice if necessary. I woudl think it would also be good for the 4 year old to see some normality in her life (this has been difficult for us as normally I work and I’ve been home since hospital).
I’d repeat to accept help where offered, even if you don’t feel you need it at first it will help in the long run.
Good luck, and ask anything, there’s always someone who can advise who’s been there. I also find the breast care nurses really useful.
Kinden
x
Here is the link for the book that Kinden mentions
Its a story book that has recently been published by BCC which is free from their publication site.
Its a story about a mum diagnosed with bc, and covers chemo and rads, it doesn’t cover mastectomy or reconstruction.
The following link will get you there.
Thanks for your messages - I have now ordered the book suggested which should help with our 4 year old.
I am planning to get as much flexibility from my employer as possible - and take advantage of the offers of help (I have found that people have been so kind and quick to offer help since the diagnosis)
Thanks
I’m in a situation where I am so lucky as my OH runs a “virtual” business from home. This meant he was able to fit his clients and work around all the hospital stuff and was at home all the way through me being ill. I was very ill for 4 months on Taxotere culminating with a week in hospital and I really don’t know what I would have done with out him as I could not even get downstairs to make a cup of tea. All of our clients knew the situation we were in and were fine with it as long as my OH got their work done for them. I’m now working with him.