How to react when your mum has secondary terminal breast cancer?

Hello everyone,


My mum was diagnosed with HER2 breast cancer in December 2011, she had chemo and a double mastectomy in june 2012. My step dad has been amazing throughout treatment and ever since.


We found out mid March that the cancer has spread, even though the full body scan revelaed the cancer had not spread through the lymph nodes however she now has secondary cancer in her liver and lung; she suspects her liver has been hit very agressivly, as we all know secondary cancer is uncurable.


I three short weeks she has gone from being a very fit and active 55 year old to basically being bed bound.


Suprisingly, me being a very sensitive soul and completely breaking down during her first battle with breast cancer I have accepted the fact she will die and have reacted unlike myself, unless i am living in denial; my brothers are not reacting the same. 


On Sunday we spent, which we are hopeful it is not, our last Mothers Day, I feel so much for my three brothers as well as my children, we have so many good memories that we will cherish yet I am feeling very overwhelmed.


Basically, I want to cry, I feel, actually I dont know how I should feel, I thought it would hit me after I saw her, yes I feel sad yet I feel that if I cry i’m feeling sorry for myself, there is nothing that I can do and I know.


Thank you fr reading this,



P A :slight_smile:



Hi purpleapple

I am sorry to read that you are having such a worrying time with your Mum, I am sure your fellow users will be along with support for you very soon and you are welcome to call our helpliners for further practical and emotional support on 0808 800 6000. Lines are open during the week 9-5 and Saturday 10-2.

Take care
Lucy BCC

Hi PA,
It’s very strange not knowing how to feel isn’t it? I think my story is the one below yours, have a read if you are interested, but certainly similar.
My mum has been in this stable but helpless state for a couple of months now, still cannot walk unaided, speak, swallow etc. I am her main Carer and she refuses all outside help.
More and more I find myself wondering how much longer I have to give up everything for, and then kick myself because of course when it stops it’s likely to mean the worst has happened.
How is your Mum doing? Are the Drs giving you details, time scales etc?
I hope your brothers are coming to terms with it all.
S x