Hello
My best friend has just been diagnosed with breast cancer aged 34. I don’t know any details yet as she isn’t ready to talk about it but I just wondered what sort of things people found were nice to receive when going through treatment? I am a massage therapist & have trained in oncology massage so of course will offer that, but were then any particular things people gave you that were epecially comforting / useful etc? The news hasn’t sunk in for me yet but I know that I just want to be 100% there for my friend and help to make it all as easy as can be. Thanks for your time and suggestions.
One of my friends (who lives about 2 hours a way from me) used to send me a letter every time I had chemo with a little something in it, sometimes it was just a card she’d made up with sayings (funny ones) on chemo and how it can affect you, other times it was a fridge magnet or a bubble maker!
The main thing was that she’d thought about me and it really lifted me - not so much the content but the fact that she’d taken time to think about me. She really raised my spirits at that time.
She’s lucky she has a friend like you (like mine was) in thinking of ways of supporting her.
Pinkdove
The best thing you can do for her is to contact her regularly to see how she is getting on, and remember when all her treatments are. The treatment can last for many months, and it feels very lonely at times going through it. Other people are often supportive at the start, but tail off as time goes on. It is also useful to remember that it’s not over when the treatment is over - physically, all the treatmernts can leave you below par for a long time, and mentally the end of treatment can be the lowest point. You have to adjust to a new reality where the future is no longer secure.
On a practical note, something that was done for us was another family made us some meals during the worst of the treatment - firstly after I came home from surgery, and then during chemo. That was really lovely - to have someone turn up on your doostep at teatime with a tray of hot food ready to feed the family. For anyone else reading this - it is a lovely favour to be able to pass on. The family who did it for us had had it done for them a couple of years ago when they were going through the BC treatment, and I am now doing it for someone else down the road who is having chemo.
Thanks SO much, your ideas have really helped especially by confirming that just by being “there” I will be helping. I really hope you are doing well.
Hi Cazzah,
yes, showing you’re “there” for her will hopefully make all the difference - knowing she can call on you when she needs to offload worries, etc. I also have a friend who’s 30 and recently diagnosed, but she’s the other end of the country from me so although I can’t do the popping round with a meal thing, I can call and just listen when she needs to talk or make little jokes when she needs cheering up. I sent her some flowers after her op, with vase included in case she ran out from well-wishers. I’ll send her some more every so often, to surprise her. Already told her I’m on standby to buy her nice hats if the hair falls out! Never be afraid to ask her what she needs from you or how you can help best - that way your help’ll be appreciated more I think.
:o) AnnaBell
I felt just having support from my family and friends was really helpful. All the phone calls which my husband took after my operation as I felt too tired to speak to anyone and then when I was starting to feel a bit better, friends coming to see me. Also all the cards that I received with kind words and a bouquet of flowers from my colleagues from work with all their messages on a big card. Also people’s concern when I started my radiotherapy. I had many offers from friends for taking me to the radiotherapy appointments. I didn’t realise what wonderful friends I had until I had BC and it all helped to contribute to my feeling better very quickly.
Sandra