Thought about putting this somewhere else on the forum but couldn’t decide where.
Just wondered how everyone is that I’ve been chatting to and any new people?
I’m starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. 2 weeks this Thursday is op date for me and this Friday I have a biopsy on my right side for a final decision on that!
Work are great, I’ll finish for my op and wont go back until the new year. I just need to think about getting some Christmas shopping done before!!!
Anxiety is a bit better and hoping tablets doc has given me will kick in soon. Feel a bit in limbo, I forget sometimes and then when I remember it floors me! I feel constantly on edge and fidgety which is very draining yet when I get into bed I’m wide awake!
Hiiiiii Emily, I’m still around, checking in daily to find out how everybody is doing … I have had initial biopsy results in full and just pray there is no change after the op which I haven’t got a date for yet. Got my pre op on Wednesday though. I had my meeting with the BCN on Friday and came away with the bra for after the op (last time I wrote on here I had decided for on the day reconstruction but have now decided against) I’ve been quite lucky (LOL) in that I’ve been given choices in what I want to happen. Even so i still feel very scared at times, hate that there is appt after appt and none of it gets easier (huge phobia of hospitals). Each appt I mentally tick off as another one out of the way and try to be as calm as possible before the next one.
I’m hoping that my op is going to be within the next couple of weeks so it’s out of the way for Christmas … on a happier note, Christmas shopping is almost done
Glad to hear you are feeling a bit calmer
xxxxx
Hi Emily, after yours and the others wonderful words of encouragement, I got off my backside (I just didn’t want to do anything) and went out for the weekend and pushed down all my fears for a day. I think that at the moment I am still hoping they have misdiagnosed me and that when I go on Tuesday, they will say “I’m very sorry Mrs Hill but it is benign and you have nothing to worry about”. Wouldn’t that be wonderful. But, on the otherhand I have been organising everything in my head for when I have to go into hospital & chemo and having my waist length dark hair cut off. I really can’t thank you and everyone enough for helping me through these few days.
Hi Emily got home from wle reconstruction and sentinel lymph node removal on Friday afternoon…feel ok…but very sore…surgeon was happy with the op and the wound is neat apparently. .I’ve still got dressings on and will have for 2 weeks till I go back to see him for stitches out
I’m feeling very anxious again. After my operation was cancelled last Friday due to needing an MRI biopsy on my other breast, and then the new radiologist deciding I didn’t need this biopsy as he could see no reason for it, I feel in turmoil. I’m hoping my surgeon will ring me in the morning for a new date for surgery. This is a never ending nightmare and each time I think it’s sorted something else jumps up and knocks me back again. I tried to do some Christmas shopping nut only bought some socks!! Had a nice time last night as my daughter came up from London to see us - was planned as she wanted to see me after my op, but was still lovely to see her.
Jane x
Ooooh crikey - the reconstruction … I don’t know if you remember, but I’m having a mastectomy rather than lumpectomy, I made this decision based on another tiny lump being found behind the main lump from the mri scan. Reconstruction was discussed and how they do it etc and after initially thinking “yessss let’s do this” I came home and couldn’t stop thinking about it … sleepless nights and becoming extremely anxious so then I thought “what if I don’t have it straightaway and just get on with getting rid of IT and getting through to the other side”. For whatever reasons, it just made me feel better not having the added stress of having an even bigger op with recovery time being longer, longer stay in hospital etc … the nurses said that I can have reconstruction at anytime up to them discharging me which will be five years soooo for me I think once I’m in a better place in my head (hahaha hopefully a lot calmer) I will probably deal with it better. Even if I had the reconstruction on the day it isn’t a “one op, all done” thing. Bloomin’ heck, there is so much to deal with isn’t there? It’s mind blowing!!!
xxxx
Hi Jane, I’m with you today … it’s a bad day!! I thought I was coping really well but woke up early this morning and just thought “I can’t do this”. The fear and anxiety can be too overwhelming. It’s horrible!! xxx
So nervous, sitting here and the anxiety keeps coming in waves. I am just so afraid it has spread and so angry that I didn’t find it sooner. Mind you, even now if I check my breast, because it is mobile I can’t feel it. It had to get big for me to notice it. My sister is taking me tomorrow and she use to go with my Mum, she told me tonight that Mum had it in her lymph nodes and was told it would come back - so Mum knew this and never told us. A colleague at work today told me his Mum had just been diagnosed and was booked in for a mastectomy. I asked him how old she was and he replied 79 - I was so jealous that she had 20 years on me. Although, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
The sun was out today and it was a beautiful morning - lots of Christmas pressies arrived that now need wrapping & I ordered some new lights for the Christmas tree which will be going up on Saturday. Some lovely things to look forward to.
Emily, you always come across positively and make me feel better! It’s so weird, I can’t say any of the things I say here to my nearest and dearest. Whilst I know how worried they are only we can truly understand what this does to you without having to explain it.
Thanks Strudel, you have a very calming effect with your lovely words. I have been reading the stories in the hope section & they are inspiring. You are right, there are so many more ladies that are younger than me & so brave.
It’s been a wobbly day all round for us by the sound of it. I’ve just had a long soak in the bath and will try and get a better night’s sleep. Night night all of you. Let’s hope tomorrow’s a better day all round.
Hi all, lovely to hear from you Pam and glad to know you’re ok xx
It’s been a lovely day, very fresh … I had my appt with the surgeon today and my op isn’t until
22nd December … I can’t believe I have another 3 weeks and 2 days to wait. I was so hoping that it would be a couple of weeks before Christmas … aaah well, looks like the family will be waiting on me over the festive period … haha …
I hope everybody has had a better day than we all did yesterday xxx
Good to hear from you all - I have some news but won’t actually think it’s happening until the Anaesthetist is putting me to sleep - I’m going in on Friday. Went into work as my boss had some safeguarding issues he wanted to discuss and while I was there I had THE phone call. Anyway I’ve hit panic stations, for the last few years I’ve taken over from my mum making Christmas cakes for the family - one for me, one for my parents, one for the in laws and one for my brother. Well, what does one do with an operation looming … Start the Christmas cakes. Fruit needs to soak for 24 hours in brandy - fruit for two cakes soaking, tins greased and lined, two cakes will be cooked tomorrow and two on Thursday. Christmas shopping needs to be done tomorrow too. I’ll probably sleep with exhaustion, but suddenly my adrenaline is being put to good use!
Poor dog is back at the vets tomorrow as she is still slightly lame - this is ongoing since my diagnosis and she’s already had £400 X-rays and other tests. Perhaps she’s coming out in sympathy.
Hi Jane, looks like you’ve got a busy couple of days ahead of you … haha … that’s good though and will keep your mind busy … I’m wide awake at the moment and it’s 4.09 am … absolutely full of a cold with a sore throat. I’ve got 3 weeks to go until my op date so still got plenty of time to get the last few presents for Christmas, it can’t come soon enough!!
Emily and Strudel … LOL you both make me laugh, I’ve had the same reactions of people “oh you will be fine” and “it’s not what it was”. (Really???).
Oooh well, going to try and sleep ? Night all xxx
Good morning ladies,
I love reading your posts, puts a smile on my face. I have been really lucky as no one has said anything weird or hurtful yet. Mind you, I work in a man only environment & I am treated like a princess. My mum was on a cruise after she had finished her first battle & she wasn’t wearing her wig, just short cropped hair. The women behind her whispered to her friend, “you’d think she’d have more pride & cover her head up”. I think this spurs me on not to worry about what other people think when I lose my hair & breast and not to care. I shall be the happiest, lopsided, fat, bald headed woman on the plant when this is over.
Sallyann, we could have had a chat at 4.15 as I’ve been awake since then too. Just having a quick cup of tea then off up to Cheshire Oaks for some serious shopping - this is me who hates shopping and all the hustle and bustle it entails!
I’ll update you, Emily, on my little dog when we’ve seen the vet later.
To all the rest of you ladies, have a good Wednesday.
I’ve had one of ‘those’ comments from a really good friend when I told her my surgery is Friday - she said ‘at least it will be over and you can start to recover’… What is it that only people in our ‘gang’ understand - the operation is only the start of the journey! I really had to bite my tongue as didn’t want to upset her, but tried to explain that the surgery is only a little part of the future.
Strudel - I have 2 Christmas cakes cooking in the oven at the moment, and the ingredients for two more ready for the morning! At least I’m keeping busy when I’m wide awake!!
Emily - the vet is as stumped as me about Sasha’s limp - we’re now trying an anti fungal cream on one of her pads - she has had ongoing problems with it thickening so trying to soften it in case this is the root cause. I must admit I’m missing our long walks - she might only be small but will walk miles.
