Hi, my wife found a lump in her breast last week, she has just been to the doctor and is now waiting to go to the Breast clinic next Tuesday. She is being very brave and just carrying on with day to day stuff even though i can tell she is worried. She doesnt want to talk about it or how she is feeling. I want to give her all the support i can but dont know what to do or say. Can you give me any advice ?
Hi, I think the best advice I can pass on is to be just ‘there’. Be guided by her as to if/when she wants to talk about her fears and let her know that you are going to support her all through the tests etc. Hopefully it’s nothing serious, there are a number of other conditions that can cause breast lumps, they are by no means all CA. If you can, suggest that you go to the appointment with her and you may be able to see the doctor as well. Have you got a fast treck clinic - i.e. where you can have all the tests and results on the same day? If you do, this will reduce the horrible waiting times.
Hope everything goes well on Tuesday.
Birgit
Hi,
Theres not much you can say other than give your wife re-assurance that it will be you and her together tackling this.
Remember this is not a dead cert, the lump could simply be benign and a natural occurance.
Should it be more serious there are many different stages and the people on this forum will teach you that things are doable (not particulaly pleasant but doable all the same)
My wife was diagnosed on Christmas eve, she had an excision about 2 weeks before, and she found the lump about 4-6 weeks before that
Now she has had the lump and margin taken ou and we are waiting for further surgery.
Hi
Welcome to the forums, where I am sure that you will continue to receive lots of support and information from the fellow forum members. You may also find helpful for your wife Breast Cancer Care publication, Referral to a breast clinic, this can either be downloaded from the website via the link breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/referral_07_0.pdf or from the helpline on 0808 800 6000.
Kind regards
Katie
Hi Husband (sounds weird as you’re not mine!)
First of all I think it is a very good idea that you have a sign-on and have to say that you may learn more about women than you bargained for by being on here!!! we’ll have to start sensoring … or put warnings on!
If it’s of any help … when I first found my lump I knew that no-one would know anything until we had some concrete results so couldn’t see the point in talking about it as we were all in the dark! We told no-one as we didn’t need any extra pressure of other people asking questions. For me that would have made a bad situation worse. We are all different.
It was a very difficult time. When I first found mine I got the all clear but then 10 months later (it had grown) I was told it was malignant.
After what happened to me I’d ask for a biopsy or ultasound scan even if they tell you it’s fine after a mamogram … either that or keep a very close eye on it.
When I was told it was benign I was of course very relieved. In fact the most stressful part of the entire thing was the waiting between finding the lump and being told this. We were so tired. We couldn’t really speak. There was no info. It was awful. It was big - 3cm. Getting the info that is was ok was incredible.
Then it grew and once I had another test the info flowed very very quickly regarding the need to operate but it took about 6 weeks to get the final results from the operation to know what they had dug out and how it/I would be treated.
The only thing I would say is don’t drive yourself mad now by thinking about what if this and what if that because until you know what you’ve got or not got then you are in the dark.
Even once you know what you’ve got you won’t know what treatment you are going to have for a bit.
And even then you won’t know how you are going to react to the treatment - we are all different.
And even when you have your treatment plan (if you need one) then they sometimes have to reschedule it if you are a bit under the weather.
All this not knowing is very very hard. Especially if you like to be in control - which you probably do as you have your sign-on already!
Looking back … the best thing to do is do nice things during the period you are in now. We did a bit but I now wish we’d done more.
So - sorry - took a long time getting here - I would just spoil her a bit. Not totally disrupt her routine but may be do a couple of nice things that you know she likes that you just don’t usually prioritise time for … especially things for just the both of you or your family … so that no-one else puts their foot right in it by mistake …
By the way one thing you will learn very quickly is that people just say the worst things without realising it - so I would avoid them during this period of not knowing … especially as your wife may not be saying much but it all goes in and some of it can be very upsetting
Hope this makes sense - it got a bit garbled - sorry it’s the medication! I’ve had a very active day today having slept for a couple but I’m zonked now
Good luck with the results - hope it’s good news
Nice to know you care so much
Love FizBix xx
hi all, many thanks for your replies. i really appreciate you taking the time and it is just great to have someone to chat to. i will consider this advice and let you know how i get on. i think this is a great opportunity for a few more hugs and chocolate at least. take care y’all
Hi there Mr Husband
I think the answer regarding what should you say is infact in your question. Your wife has said she doesnt want to talk about it, so hard as it might seem you have to respect this and not keep trying to make her talk about it. She is probably trying to be as normal as possible and trying to forget is her way of dealing with it. Nine out of ten lumps so I have heard are benign so there is a good chance she will be ok. Fingers crossed.
My mum was diagnosed with Breast Cancer 13 days ago and she has told us all on numerous occasions that she doesn’t want to talk about it. Obviously there are times when we do talk about it, as at the moment things are still very fresh and we are all discussing various treatments etc. The whole thing is a nighmare, a living hell if I am honest. BUT as a courtesy to my mum when she says she doesn’t want to talk about it. we don’t as at the end of the day she is the one who is ill and her feelings must come over ours. I also try to do my crying in private, again as she is being very brave I don’t want to burden her with my fears/tears etc.
What I do do is, buy her little gifts, flowers etc etc to show her I love her and how important she is to me and that I care and also hugs etc. I hope this helps.
Jules xxx