I feel my husband is really insensitive. At any opportunity he is ‘oogling’ young girls with low cut or tight t-shirts. He thinks I don’t notice it, but I do. He doesn’t make it obvious, but he’s doing it. If there is a programme on TV with lots of cleavage, he is there. If there is a health programme about boobs, he is there.
He always wants me to dress in low cut dresses and show what little cleavage I still have. I don’t - only in private.
I suppose I am lucky in some ways, I had a WLE.
Is anyone else sensitive about this - or am I paranoid!
Without wishing to tar them all with the same brush - I think most men like to look at young girls showing off their assets - I know my husband does, He always has done, and whilst it isn’t done in a ‘leery’ way - I know he’s doing it. That said I used to be one of the woman who would show off her assets at any opportunity (in a nice way of course!).
Having now had a mastectomy I am in a completely different position. Most of previous clothes I can’t wear - at least for the time being because they show off too much of the scar and bruising. Hubby suggested I woud have to start wearing high neck clothes - but that’s not even a place I’m going - they just won’t be as low lol.
My husband still likes to see a woman with lots of cleavage and will still comment if there’s someone particularly attractive, be it on tv or in real life. Initially I was angry with him, and thought, as you, just how insensitive he was being.
As time has passed - and it’s only 3 weeks or so since my op - I think the problem is as much mine as his … I never used to mind before, on the ‘you can look but not touch’ basis - he never says anything to make me feel any less a woman and still pays me as much attention as before. He hasn’t changed - I have.
So I guess what I’m saying is that yes - I do feel there is an element of paranoia, but I also think that perhaps you need to expain to him how you fee, and how his behaviour makes you feel. He probably doesn’t even reaise he’s doing it or the impact it is having on you.
Try having a look at young men’s “packets” as they walk by. Sorry just feel a little angry for you at the insensitivity of it all.
You are, I’m sure as attractive as the woman he met and married.
I’m sick of all the focus on boobs, there is even a programme on tv coming up about it! And I’ve just had a mastectomy so it makes me feel very uncomfortable.
But on the sensible side, take Margaret’s advise and have a talk with him about it!
Hi to everyone, boob watcher isn’t that what most men are!
Just after i had my mastectomy my hubby seemed to be obsessed with boobs, he went to get petrol one night and the cashier had huge knockers, he stared so much at her chest that she asked him what he was looking at and the simple sole he is said it was her chest, how she did not hit him i don’t know. He even admitted to me that all of a sudden he was fascinated by breasts! I did have a lovely chest before mastectomy even my breast surgeon comented on it, thought it a bit weird really with her being female! Anyway let me assure you it does pass, now he is just as interested in one breast as two! Me, well i am just glad to still be here even if i am one breasted, sort of got used to it now, have almost forgotten 6 months on what is was like to have two! I am certainly more intersting with one breast, having two is just soo common! nearly eveyone has two! I like to be different!
Hi Christiane
I agree with the other ladies… it’s what men do, and I don’t think they know they’re doing it sometimes!! Fortunately my OH has never been a boob man, but the things he looks at on the internet are much worse! Took me a while to come to terms with his habit but I know he is faithful and loves me.
The other thing is, if I see a semi-naked female tootling up the high street, I look at her too! And I am 100% in to men. I think it’s a curiosity thing, doesn’t mean that they are admiring what they see!!
I suppose we are just more sensitive to it with what we are going through. I also think sometimes we assume that men are only turned on by a fit, young, sexy body but I know that my OH is more turned on by confident, intelligent, strong women.
Here is another one of us who agrees with the ladies above.
My husband only tonight commented on on the busty barmaids on telly. I have recently had a mastectomy with no reconstruction, I have a prosthesis (Chicken breast slice I prefer to call it!) so I guess I could be sensitive if I didn’t already know all men ogle boobs they can’t touch.
Try to dismiss his insensitivity, I really don’t think he wants to upset you. Anyway you have the figure he chooses to be with, more than a handful is a waste of time for him and gives you a back ache especially when they head south!
maybe it’s just you notice breasts more when you lose one, equally men probably miss their partners more when it’s gone so I’d say it’s normal to look more at breasts, both the ones you have access to and other people’s. I find I look at other women’s breasts - I didn’t have this strange character trait before I had my partial mastectomy. I also look at my own left one more than before because I think I have been mutilated by surgery. It irritates me each day when I look as I was told by the surgeon it would not have a dent in it. Didn’t believe a word but I still think he lied to me. I’m still in mourning. I didn’t have a cleavage before surgery but I still think they look better when there are two of them, they are reasonably symmetrical and the nipples appear to face in the same direction. luckily I don’t have a husband to reinforce my irritation or feel cross at for leching after someone else.
I must agree with you its a man thing to look at boobs, I know I have worked in the pub trade for 32 years. Now I have had a masectomy I’m not sure I can go back to work in this trade. I to have discovered a strange trait of looking at other womens boobs, also find my self counting how many women are in the room, to see if I’m the only one with bc.
my hubby still goes on about other women, he loves cathrine jenkins, yeh like she would look at him twice, lol.
he was tooting at women the day i was expecting our 1st 27 years ago.
i dont like it but i am safe and secure in the knowledge that i am his 1 and only and he really would not survive without me. (he is a sensitive soul really)
I think men are just that way - they just can’t help themselves. I remember reading an article (or human behaviour book???) that suggested that the reason men found a cleavage so attractive is because it looks like a bottom from behind - apparentlly stone age man only ever did it from behind - sorry if too graphic, but I do think this answers the question - it’s all in the programming. But they could be subtle about it, couldn’t they - maybe not - hey hey!!