Jackie
Just picked up on this thread and wanted to send you a huge hug! Everyone else has said everything else really hope that he realises what he is missing out on and returns to you, if that is what you want.
Lots of love
Kay xx
Hi
JULES1964 said he will soon be back with his tail between his legs. If he were my hubby he would no longer have a tail.
Love Debsxxx
So sorry to hear of your situation. My ex-husband had an affair not long after we were married and I know all too well the heartache this can bring - I felt so insulted. Of course my situation was not complicated with cancer and I had the support of a very good family. I think as you and many have said it could be a cry for help - given time he may realise what he wants and ask to come back.
I can only offer support and kind wishes.
Debinscornwall, my sentiments exactly lol
dear jackie
let me just say don,t give up …Just look at what you,ve been through ,and how strong you are to cope with it …
Show him how dignified you are and how you are coping and that there is more to you than just your illness …When he sees that you can live without him he,l come running back i,m sure…they usually do when he sees the grass is not greener…BE STRONG…You know its in you …
Hi Jackie
Sorry to hear this, awful that you have to have this on top of the cancer, bad situation bring out the best and the worst in people (been my experience in life having dealt with some awful things) and your husband has managed to find a really awful woman as well - its a shocker.a woman who is prepared to run off like that, its hard to imagine. Do lean on your friends they will be happy for you to do this - they will understand and want to be there for you…
sending you a cyber hug
Cathy
Hi Jackie
Just wanted to say the same as the other lovely ladies on here. Be strong men can be such b…ds.
Sending you lots of love.
Beli x
Hi
I think the problem when husbands or wives leave the marriage to go back to their first love who they have met again through Friends Reunited is that they are trying to recapture their youth. Fortunately we all change and mature over the years and maybe when the stardust has fallen from their eyes and they have run out of the " do you remember when" conversations she will ask herself what kind of man is he who can leave his sick wife and perhaps if it happens to me he might do the same again, and it will fizzle out. Who knows but I wish you all the best and you have some very supportive friends and you will get through this
Barbara
I feel for your pain. Watching my husband cope with this disease, I can see why anyone would want to run away (but not actually do it) but I cannot understand why any ‘other woman’ could sleep at night if they encouraged a man to leave. Bad enough to take someone else’s husband and father of children but under such circumstances - words fail me!
Blondie
I could never put a man over my kids. Its disgusting.
Its a daunting thought to be left in the big wide world of cancer,ALONE, my partner of 13 years, my rock for the past 4 years my litte girls Daddy, just uped and went about 3 months ago, My life turned upside down - he was the last person anyone would think he would do this too us, such a strong bloke, who i totaly felt secure with… he just packed his bags while I was in hospital after I had had an allergic reaction to xeloda and has now moved to Spain…I have had secondry BC for 4 years and the thought of chemo again for me was hard - for him I just dont think he could cope, its not just about my life (the one life you get) the thought of endless hospital visits, helping with house work, watching me be poorley, He just could’t cope - he has a choice - i dont, I just never in a million years thought I would be doing this alone, its taken a while and I’ve got into the swing of things and life seems a whole lot better, I know one day he will be very sorry, because he has left his little girl behind too. (she has the weight of the world on her little shoulders) and she is my main main concern which leaves me to thik less of him and more about doing nice things with her.
I was all over the place to begin with, but as time has gone on I’m realising life goes on… what I want to know is where is this womans morrals? how can she live with herself for splitting a family up, they sound like they deserve each other.
I’m lucky too that i have great friends and through all of this they will be there for you to helpfill those missing bits - early days yet but there could be some special out there for you too…try looking somewhere a bit more classier that friend reunited though!!
good luck
Love Amber xx
Once again I want to thank you all for all the support you have given me in this. Amber, so sorry you have been through this too so recently. Glad you are starting to pull through, you are so inspirational.
I have more time to spare now that I don’t have to worry about His Lordship, so hopefully I will be able to spend a bit more time on the forum as I have a lot of experience and hope to be able to support others.
love Jackiexxx
Hi Jackie
I am sorry, what a swine. You, like me with my OH have very reasonably tried to explain away his behaviour and blaim the stress of your illness being his catalyst for leaving. And yes, 27 yrs is a long time to just give up a marriage, but can you answer me this? Would you do the same? Would you leave him for another man if he was living with secondary cancer? Somehow I think not. I am going to make a sweeping statement here, but I am insensed with anger at what has happened to you. ‘Most men are weak’. Fact. So he’s been stressed, big deal, sorry it’s outrageous.
When my husband and I discussed a separation recently through breakdown of marriage, not infidelity, I found myself making the same excuses for him. Then my thoughts turned to my future, and how I would cope if we split, so I think I know how you are feeling. A support group and your lovely friends will help. But do you really want to have him back after he has done this? Could you forgive him and live a normal life with him without remembering this period of hurt you are going through?
I hope you find a way that works for you and your future, but don’t be too soft on him, he needs to know what a selfish person he really is.
Irene
Hi Jackie -
I had the dreaded friends reunited thing four years ago, just before i was diagnosed.
He didnt leave, i fought tooth and nail through the e mails and disappearing off when he was supposed to be visiting his mother.
The thing is, now i wonder if i should have just let him get on with it. I know it would have fizzled out very quickly but after 30 years of marriage i felt she should not win.
Now, although we seem to be back on track, its always at the back of my mind and to be honest, i dont feel the same about him as i did. I just cant forgive his deceitfulness and for the past few years, when he goes to see his mother (no, there is no way i would travel any distance to see her!) I just have to wonder what he is up to.
So I think my point is, can you forgive and forget - really and truly? The trust is gone, for sure, and you should be feeling that you deserve better, because you do.
Husbands leave for all sorts of reasons and i dont believe cancer stresss them out more than any other disease. Some are just weak and spineless and looking for an excuse.
I do feel for you though, we all have enough on our plates but sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for.
I hope it works out well for you, all the best, biddy x