I regularly look in on the secondaries forum and have posted before but not recently. I was diagnosed with BC in 2001, it all seemed clear then 4 years later it turned up in my liver (nearly 2 years ago). I had a spell on Taxotere but for the past year have been on Xeloda. I cope well with it and is working.
A week ago my husband announced he was leaving me for another woman. They were teenage sweethearts and met again through wretched Friends Reunited.
In the past 5 years I have lost both my parents to cancer and now I have secondaries myself. We have been together for 27 years and he has always been my rock.I can’t imagine life without him.
I have no parents, no siblings and no children but I’m blessed with many wonderful friends.It really scares me to think that if I get ill I will have to face this alone.It is horrible that someone so loving and caring has suddenly turned on me. I think it is a cry for help after all the stress he’s been under, but I can’t make him see that. Nothing anyone can do but I just have to let off steam. Thanks for listening, love Jackiexxx
jackie so sorry to hear about your added sadness. my thoughts are with you…love dynamite xx
Jackie
Just to say I really feel for you. Try not to do anything rash. In my experience sudden relationships formed on Friends Reunited do not last. If you still love him bide your time. It sounds like he is running away from things.
Try and join a support group. You will get lots of support and understanding on here.
Friends are worth their weight in gold as well.
Starfish xx
really sorry to hear your news - you must be feeling very shellshocked
do your best not to think about getting ill - difficult I know - try and focus on what you can do with your friends instead
we’re all with you on here and keep posting and let it all out
love FizBix xxxxxx big hug >>>>>>>>>>>>
Hi Jackie - so very sorry to read your post, but don’t despair just yet. As Starfish says, it could be a reaction to him not feeling he can cope with your illness. Some men can, some can’t.
Some 38 yrs ago, when I was 26 yrs, my husband of 7 years had an affair with a work colleague and they decided to have a child - I was in hospital for 3 months with newly diagnosed Crohn’s.
My whole world turned upside down - felt I couldn’t live with him (he wanted to bring this woman and child to live with us) or without him. Somehow I found the strength to leave and went to live with my elder sister, husband and baby some 400 miles away. I was absolutely bereft and at times suicidal. I eventually got my life together again, although I still have Crohn’s, and bc, and met my lovely 2nd husband, who is now almost 80 yrs and we have been married for 35 yrs.
I do think with hindsight, my first husband couldn’t bear the thought that I was not “perfect” - a really controlling man who left me with very little self esteem. Even if I had stayed and the marriage worked out, I would not have wanted to live with a man who treated me in such a despicable fashion when I was desperately ill. I hesitate to think how he would have coped with my bc. By the way, his relationship with his colleague didn’t last more than a month after I left him - no doubt she found him as controlling, physically and emotionally abusive as I did, and she hot footed back to Australia, pregnant, and I don’t know what happened to her or their child. He ended up with a life sentence for attempted murder of his 2nd wife and 2 sons. What a mess.
Let’s hope there is a silver lining in your dark clouds - life can work in some mysterious ways. I feel so blessed with the care and love my 2nd husband has given me, and I hope that you will also find someone who treats you with the love and respect you deserve. In the meantime, lean on your friends - that is what they are for.
Take care,
Liz.
Dear Jackie,
Just wanted to say I really feel for you, what a horrible thing to happen. Take care of yourself. Sending lots of love and hugs,
Liz x
Hi Jackie
Just wanted to say like Lizzie above i really feel for you.
I dont care what anyone says in defence of your hubby i actually think men are selfish and poor with emotions and support.
You deserve better hun you really do and i just cannot imagine what your going through.
I do hope you can come on this site and we can be here for you even though we cant change things. I do hope too your dear friends will support you.
You have done so well to get this far with the liver secondaries and medication.
I dont look at the secondaries forum much but saw your post on the new posts and clicked it, hope you dont mind me replying.
Big Hug and Love
Rxxx
Feeling very sorry for your plight Jackie, you are not alone. Its a terrible thing the way some husbands are so frightened they have to run away when you need them most. Yes, if you love him and still want him it may well be a case of biding time…but I was so lucky my first marriage ended, because I’ve had a really happy second chance with a smashing guy.
When you are better and back on form it may be a total reverse situation, perhaps you will be in a new ,sound relationship and he will regret this decision.
That Friends reunited site is a real fantasy land escaping to the long distant past…hang on in there, we are all thinking about you,
Love and a hug, Zoe x
I am so sorry and that is such sad news. I cannot believe anyone could do that. Just when you need the love and support he is going.
You have your friends and I am sure they will rally round. You need to trust them and lean on them, thats what real friends are for.
Anne
Hello Jackie
I just wanted to add my own support to all the others. It is no help I know to agree with lots of the comments that your husband is running away - many years ago my own husband left me after over 20 years together, wanting to escape his ‘mid life crisis’ After some time he decided he wanted to come back but by then I had fallen in love with someone else. I’m so pleased to hear you have lovely friends as they were my absolute blessing and I am sure will be yours too.
Thinking of you, Grace
As some of you will know my wife is terminal with this awful disease. I just wanted to say my heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine leaving her now ( even if I wanted to which I definitely do not ) however I can vouch for the awful strain, after two years ( almost to the day since diagnosis ) of not being able to help or get rid of this bl–dy cancer.
I would happily take the cancer from her any day.
Take care to all
X
Oh Jackie I am so sorry, your post really moved, your husband is a total well the word I want to say is a swear word so I can’t put it.
I used to suffer with really bad depression and my hubby was my rock, but he ended up having a fling with a girl at work, not because he wanted an affair, but because he was in a bad place, through trying to help me and she homed in on that and the fact he was vulnerable. We managed to sort it out because he didn’t really want her but she was just someone to listen to him. He would never dream of writing on a forum and is a very private man. I actually saw the women’s face for the first time last Thursday on facebook before I went to my appointment and it really through me as before that I didn’t know what she looks like. She is so ugly and I hate her for what she did to me, my friends have seen her and named her the honey monster but said that I am a honey which made me laugh.
I really really hope your hubby is just seeing this women as a cry for help and realises what he has to loose. He is being incredibly selfish and weak to do this to you and when your so ill, it makes me so angry. Please keep posting and we will all try to give you support and make you realise you are not alone.
Hugs xxxxxx
Jackie,
What a terrible time you are having… my heart goes out to you. Im sure you know by now that youre not alone, there are literally dozens of women on these forums who will support you.
Polly x
Bloomin’ Friends Reunited - what a load of tosh. I’m really sorry to hear about your parents, Jackie. As if you hadn’t had enough grief in your life with your own dx and now your husband losing the plot. I am single with no kids and my friends have been wonderful. In fact it’s amazing the human kindness there is out there, even from people I don’t know too well. You know that you’ll have good support here and you never what may happen with your husband. It sounds to me all knee-jerk reaction & look at what jules1964 says, people will sometimes work through it. I was going to say that “I hope that doesn’t sound too much like Trisha” and then though given her dx that that wasn’t appropriate, so was going to say “Clare Rayner” and then realised she’s had bc too, so I am going to shut up now!
Thinking of you & sending big hugs
xxx
Hi Jackie
sorry to hear your sad news, mind you any man that can walk on a cancer sufferer is not worth shedding a tear over.
I have always had a funny feeling about grown ups who use friends reunited and have heard lots of stories about returning to their first love. Thise forum is my friends re equivalent not that I am likely to meet any of the wonderful people who post and I would never think of stating an affair with any of the OH that post on here. This to me is cyberland a place I visit and then leave to get on with my real world mind you if I did do FR any old mates may think my typing and spelling is worse than it was when I used pen and paper.
As the others have said keep close to your friends I am sure they will all be as disgusted as we are with him. Try not to get upset as that is not good for your condition. Sorry if you are still in love with him as I cant imagine your pain.
Also I fully understand how hard it is for our partners but they cannot use it as an excuse for such behaviour. My second hubby died of stomach cancer 24 years ago I was left with a teenager and a 4 yrold so I have been both sides of the fence.
Take careand keep in touch with your new cyber friends
Love Debsxxx
To all you wonderful women and man who have come back to me thank you so, so much.Everything you have said is so true and so supportive and I’m eternally grateful to you for it.
Yesterday I seemed to cope ok, I was glad to have some peace after all the tears and arguments, but today it seems a bit harder. I know he has behaved despicably but I know that if he realises he has made a mistake I will have him back.27 years together is too long to give up on, and I really do feel he is having some sort of breakdown as until this happened he was the kindest, most loving man you can imagine.
I know I will get through this either way but the support you have given me is wonderful. I can’t thank you enough.
love Jackiexxx
i think friends reunited is an escapism. I have looked on there from time to time and read about people I knew at school and even contacted a few of them. At first, it is a bit of fun, because it takes you back to a time when you have no responsibility and life was simple and easy. however, you soon realise that you will never be the same person you were then and I have never rekindled any friendship because too much water etc. Hopefully, this is a moment of sheer madness for your husband, running back to someone he knew when he was young and carefree in the hopes it will make him like he used to all those years ago. Like all fairytales, this will likely come to an end when the reality of everything hits home
Hi Jackie,
It could be mixture of running away because he cant cope or a mid life crisis. I think I could take him back 1 time but not twice. Also does the other woman know about you and what you have been through? If she does then she is as bad has him and maybe they deserve each other.
What ever happens I would not take him back with open arms but I would make him suffer a bit first. Ha Ha.
Best wishes to you
love Andrea x
Hi Andrea, not only does she know what I’ve been going through, but she is leaving her 3 year old daughter.xxx
Jackie, what a disgusting excuse for a women. I can never understand the type of women that would deliberately bring hurt on another women, especially a women with cancer, and don’t get me started on her leaving her child, you read about her type in the tabloid papers!! He will be back, mark my words with his tail well and firmly between his legs!
xxx