Well he finally admitted that he has feelings for my so called best friend and wants to be with her. But she wants to sort out her life as she just left her husband who she married 8 weeks ago (although 2 children and 11 years together and 25,000 on the wedding). I went on holiday to come back yesterday to find that he had taken her out for meal and they had booked into a hotel for the night, although they say they only kissed yeah right. I am sorry to say I lost the plot and raced round to her i am so upset. Him I think has been so vunerable and she been in his face 24/7 she knew exactly what she was doing. He a daft twat (sorry) who is going round like a infactuated puppy. I am heart broken that I have been betrayed by the two people that meant the most to me. I know in my hearts of hearts that they deserve each other and have said to her that as he has cheated on me once before and now this, he obviously has no morals or boundaries just what does she think he will do to her when the going gets tough or the honey moon period is over. She has two children who where my kids best friends this is going to be so difficult. How do I play this? suggestions grateful we own a business between us which he still wants us to do ( Idont want to give this up as we started this together and it my kids future) I also think that if this relationship works which i hope dont that this will get to her eventually. Do I be nice (or as nice as I can to him) as am sure that will get to her also or do I just say sod the lot of them and go straight to a solicitor. I also want to do whats right by my children. It my daughter birthday tomorrow (she was her godmother) who will be 4, we are going out for a family tea this will be so hard but I know she wants to see her dad. I never thought I could feel so bad but think they cant hit me with anything else (apart from saying they are going to move in together) which he says no way at momment. His friends think he is so screwed up he dont know what he thinks.
My god karencats, im so sorry for all of this mess, but i think this is one for jeremy kyle show or if you want to knock her teeth out invite them onto the Jeremy springer show, just let us all know which one.
Think personally i would see a solicitor but also put the kids first, can tomorrow be normal for the sake of your 4 year old, meaning no arguing etc infront of the kids.
If he wasnt a selfish b*stard then things could of been done on the quiet, why does he have to move in with her!! Ive just split with my husband and although no one is involved we both agreed that if we meet someone then we wouldnt let our son know anything about it so not to confuse him, think he should of done the same.
I would also sell the business and make a clean break, the money from the business can used to set up another by yourself or put some of the money into a trust fund for your kids future your husband can do the same, its how you feel, can you carry on working with him or is it going to stress you with them rubbing your nose in it, at the end of the day your on this site for a reason and if your going through bc then your body doesnt need any of this sh*tty stress, you have to put you and the kids first, your health being top priority.
Good luck to you
Tracey
xxx
Karencats
I don’t have much to say but just want you to know that your in my thoughts and all I can think about at the minute is how lousy both your husband and friend are. I agree with Tracey this is something that is quite unbelievable and don’t really know what to say because I believe and can completely understand that the hurt and betrayal you’re feeling at the minute is something which we meaning others can only imagine. Friends like these are certainly not friends that you need to help and support you going through bc let alone be the reason for the breakup of your marriage. Although we are all here on this site because of bc I hope you know that if there is any help or support that we can offer even if it is a private message or further contact through the forums that we will try to support you. I just wish I could make it all better for you and want you to know that I’m thinking about you and wishing you a great big hug and a kick in the proverbial areas to your so called friend and husband.
Wendy
xoxox
It’s
thanks folks my bc was 3 1/2 years ago which she was there all the way through, I have been having reconstruction which went wrong my last op being jan of this year. Yes I think I can be ok tomorrow for my daughter as my kids come first. He is not moving in with her, just seeing her and seeing how it goes. I agree it is something for the jeremy kyle show, I have spoken to a friend who went through something similar, but like she said they have both got to live with what each other are capable of doing. He is with her but will at some point I hope realise what sort of person does what she has done, her her with him too. I just feel for all of the children in this sad sad situation, I just hope one day he will want to come home so I can tell him where to go and he can feel some of the pain I have and also he leaves her which most people seem to think the infactuation will wear off and when real life kicks in he wont be able to cope with the pressure because that is something he doesnt seem to be able to handle very well. It still I suppose alter the fact that I do still love him so much and when he is the old hubby he was so nice and caring dont know what has happened to him.
Karencats,
This must be terribly difficult for you.
Infatuations tend not to last very long. Since you still love him, would you be willing to forgive him (when it is over) and try to continue your marriage for the sake of the children?
Elena
Karencats
Men eh, what are they all about??? On top of BC this is so unfair. Please dont let this get you down, real friends and family who love you will get you through this (thats what I have found in difficult times even before BC), concentrate on them, yourself and your kids and this will get you through.
I’ve been through similar if you want to chat further by private message.
Janice x
Hi there,
I hear what you’re saying Karen, and whatever your decisions they are going to be tough. I will say though that, if this relationship should end at some point, would you be able to live with him probably doing the same again in the future? It takes two to tango, both your friend and your husband chose to do what they did and act on their feelings. You can forgive without having to live with him, or work with him.
It may be easier to split now, both the marriage and the business, and not be relying on him for anything. My worry would be that if he cheated on his most important promise to you, your marriage, then could you really trust him in business too? You can see a solicitor without starting anything, and even if you do, it can all be halted at any time.
I send you hugs and wish you peace, peace in your heart and mind so you can work your way through this.
ruth
x
thank you. I do all the accounts for the business so he cannot do anything with that without me knowing. I just dont want her to get her hands on anything and my kids lose out. I will see a solicitor to see whats what I have already spoken on a legal helpline and he would be practically left with nothing. It just when I not happy with something and i tell him he cant cope with that and loses it. I suppose some of me wants him to want to come back even if I cudnt take him back. I do still love him and need to get over that and I suppose that is time.
Be strong Karen and put yourself and kids first, what a stupid git he is, hope he’s bl**dy miserable with her and she nags him non stop. ha ha
love Tracey
My thoughts on the subject from possibly a more mature outlook…I am 57 and finally happily married for the third time.
Revenge is a dish best served cold!!
Do not store bitterness in side you at the moment , smile sweetly but blank them out of your thoughts and get on right now with your own and your children’s best interests, even if that means keeping close association…These two despicable people have betrayed you at your most vulnerable. time…look to the future for revenge!! It will come…
Thoughts for you Ruftikins
I think you are right. We went out for a meal last night as a family it was my daughters 4th birthday. I got to say it was lovely we had a laugh and he kept looking a me I had to have a secret smile to myself. I told him to get on with it I really wasnt bothered anymore just dont do it in my or our childrens face. They deserved each other and if he could take on her children he was a bigger man than I gave him credited for they are a nitemare. He shuddered and said there wasnt that much between them he didnt know what would happen as they would hardly see each other because of the kids, and he might meet someone else so might she. He has not plans to be buying houses etc (I think she thinks differently so ha)
there are things he wants to do with the lads he was young when we got together. He came back and stayed here after the kids had gone to bed to have a cup of tea for an hour. He getting so obsesses by a man who had been texting me I gave him a kiss one night when I was drunk I have told him to stop texting as I not in right place at mo, but my husband got a copy of my phone bill as it was a little high and he keeps saying are you seeing him tonight etc not happy, makes you laugh doesnt it. He looks like a little boy who doesnt know what life is all about think he thinks it is a game. But I smile sweetly grit my teeth as while I do that she will never get him 100 percent, but I will move on with my life I seem to have found some strengh from somewhere. I just have a niggling feeling he will at some point really regret this but I suppose that is his mistake to make, I might be wrong they could be soul mates and be together for a very long time, but I doubt it dont you think they would have got together earlier we have been mates for 9 years and she used to irritate him.
What are your thoughts. He also says our kids come first before anything which is one thing just got to keep him busy with them ha ha. I have decided not to get divorced yet and to keep working for business as I can do this from home and I get my tax credits while I can claim I am working, I have now enroled on a college course to do something I have always wanted to do. It is my 40th birthday on monday so maybe life will begin at 40 I just hope like you say what goes around comes around and she will wont be happy with what she done in the long run.
Happy birthday for Monday, Karen. It sounds as if you do have self-confidence, and that is very important.
Elena
I have posted this on behalf on user Claire
Kind Regards
Sam
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care
Karencats - stay strong and keep finding that strength. I have a little boy who is nearly five but you would think my husband was the child. We are trying to work out our problems at the moment but like you we have a business together and things are a little tricky. I now put myself and my son first and if it works out fine, if not, well, at least I tried. We were at this point before I was diagnosed and that was over a year ago now so we shall see.
you take care - thinking of you and HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!
Lots of love
Claire x
Thank you claire. The problem is I still love him and when are do talk or laugh about something I still feel that spark and see his eyes sparkle when he looks at me think thats what I find hard. He been today to drop off my daughter and he stopped for cup of tea his idea, he then came back at dinner as it was her first day at school he came early so he could have a sandwich with us. Not sure if he playing us because I have told him to get on with whatever it is he is doing they deserve each other, or what but while he coming and enjoying his time he not with her. I will move on but think we have been on a rollarcoster ride over the last 4 years and wonder if this is a jerk reaction (maybe I am being taken for a fool) who knows. I suppose I got to do what I feel is right but not quite sure what that is, he is too like a little boy in a mans body but is not a nasty person all his friends think he has lost it big time. Her think she is lying through her teeth she knows exactly what she after and has done for a long time. But time is what I need and I suppost who knows I might meet some handsome prince ha you are all keeping me going thank you.
karen
Hi Karen, so glad to see your still posting, only just found you again, please Karen, just think how his eyes probabley sparkle for your so called ex best mate!!! i know you still love him, but he has not supported you, not when you needed it, stop making excuses for him, and don’t forget, it takes two to tango, he is as bad as your ex mate, in fact he is worse than her, she was only your mate, he is your husband and the father of your children, wish i could take hold of you and shake you till you took pride in the lovely person that we all see you as being, think just of yourself and the children, see a solicitor, tell me Karen, if he did come back, could you truly in your heart ever trust him again? i hope not for you
lots of love and hugs
Alisonxxxxxxxx