I am so sorry. You must be hurting. I was lucky enough to have kept my breast with a lumpectomy and radiotherapy. The surgery had left my breast with a hallow area. My partner became sexually distant and made comments about the new shape. I later found out he had been meeting women behind my back.
I made the decision to end the relationship and moved home. I count my blessings through family, my pooch Poppy and work. The rejection is hard to come to terms with but in my heart if he truly loved me he would have seen passed the imperfection.
Stay strong and reach out to family friends and forums. It gets easier. I am now 3 years in remission and 1 year free of a self centred so and so
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Hi not quite the same as you i was fortunate to have lumpectomy initially after surgery and bruising subsided relations resumed temporarily but now on chemo we have decided to wait but i can tell its being frustrating for my husband as it was for us when he had penile cancer in 2014 . We still cuddle and kiss and snuggle up in bed
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Cosy honey …A. right now YOU come first !! B. You need to heal C. Your husband should have therapy so what is really bothering him can be talked out without you needing to take part right now cos you need to be dealing with A. + B. The agreement should be that what is bothering him should be relayed by the therapist . D. have you cared for your husband through a major illness if yes it is his turn to look after you … if he doesn’t GET that part is he worth it ?? E. Can you both work through it ?? F. Is he scared of hurting you if you are intimate? Gosh what a mess. As devils advocate I would say if you want out life never closes a door without opening a window on often a brighter and happier future . Sending hugs and love …You have this you are stronger than you know . xx Hazel
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Thank you for such a thoughtful response xx
Thank you, lovely x
Thanks, you did make me laugh. Apart from anything else, I’ve decided my 11 year old rescue dog is untrainable. But something out of the house is probably a good plan. And i am waiting and seeing
I’m so sorry you went through that, but very glad you’re not wasting any more time on someone so morally vacant and obviously lacking good taste. I hope life gets better and better for you.
Thank you x
Thank you xx I hope chemo treats you well and you both have the happy, healthy future you deserve.
Thank you so much. That is a great answer, and I hugely appreciate you taking the time to help me. I wish you lots of happiness x
I can’t help wondering about how anyone copes with anyone else’s cancer. Men get penile cancer, bowel cancer affects both sexes, throat cancer can make you have a hole in your neck at the end of it.
I can see why any of these will put a strain on a personal relationship at all levels. I don’t have the answer. I don’t fancy myself let alone fancy my husband as sex is excruciatingly painful since my oestrogen levels went down to zero.
I think my most important relationship is with myself and I need to love myself first and foremost. Difficult but not impossible. It is helped by my husband being an alcoholic who has started drinking and smoking again after nine years sober. He has also had sex with a prostitute. Is it surprising I have a pretty low opinion of him at the moment?
He does have severe mental health problems and made suicide attempts which I have foiled, so I realised he is not in his right mind.
Human beings are a complex lot. When my husband is at his best he is a different man. I belong to a support group called Al-Anon and we look after each other. It makes a big difference. Seagulls
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@Cosy - this made me sad to read. I am not married but can relate in ways as i feel so so undesirable now & wonder if at 39 it is all now just over. 
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So sorry to hear this @Seagulls
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Seagulls, so sorry to read your post, however you are a very strong, positive lady. Take good care of yourself
Hugs Tili 
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Dear sbee, please don’t think this of yourself, look after yourself, be happy with the way you are at 39 you still have a lot of living to do.
Wishing you lots of happiness hugs
Tili
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sbee, absolutely not. You have so much life ahead of you. I’m not ashamed of my scars, and I love being flat. I don’t miss my boobs, honestly. And I have seen many women go on to find loving partners after mastectomy. Learn to see how beautiful you are as a person, treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend. You are worth a life of happiness (which doesn’t require a partner, I should point out,) so go out and find it xx
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There are some advantages to being flat. Don’t need to wear a bra, and it doesn’t bounce when I am doing sitting trot on my horse.
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Relax and take care of yourself first. Take some deep breaths. People go through things like this, the timing sucks, but it is never a good time. Therapy would be my suggestion, for both or just you. But only when you are physically and mentally up to it. If he is no longer attracted to you the you might want to distance yourself physically and emotionally from him. He cant just say that and expect no repercussions. You need to protect yourself and process what you are feeing. Be good to you.
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It’s tough , and so hard but it’s not impossible to get over it , you are a lady so you are pretty beautiful and soft , you have to build an immunity against negative vibes by being confident , have a high self-esteem, because everything starts within you, and to do so I suggest to you to do activities like drawing, coloring , I recommand to you this beautiful coloring book called Mastectomy-Recovery-Coloring-Book-Adult that could really change your life. You can sunshine wherever you are.
Be confident sweetheart 
all my love and support.
