Husband no support

Just been diagnosed a week ago, and feel very alone., The other half is coping by disappearing down the pub, which is how he copes with any traumas.
I have no family, just me and him and have to say that a few months ago would have split up except for the credit crunch when we have been unable to sell our home. It would be nice to have someone to give supprt rather than bursting into tears or going to the pub.

Horsemad

So sorry that your OH is no support for you. Some guys just don’t know how to cope or help so they just go and wallow in their own fear and sorrow. Wish there were some way I could help. Don’t know where you live, but if you want a friend, I’d be happy to be her. PM me if you want to chat.

Cat

sorry to hear your oh is not being supportive,its still very new to you both andits a hard thing to come to terms with. i am here if you need to talk big hugs xxx

Horsemad - we all cope in very different ways, and sometimes it’s not the way we want or need at this time. Remember we are all here to help and support each other - you are not alone.

K x

Dear Horsemad

There are a couple of Breast Cancer Care’s support services that might be of interest to you as they can offer help and support via the telephone in addition to the support you have here.

The first is Breast Cancer Care’s telephone support group. It’s a chance to get together once a week to talk with people who’ve been there. Linked together by phone in comfortable surroundings, you can express your feelings and discuss the practical and emotional impact of living with breast cancer. The groups will be particularly useful for you if you feel isolated. The groups are completely free (we pay for the phone calls) and as long as you have access to a phone and have a quiet private place from which to call, you can join us from anywhere in the UK.

There is also Breast Cancer Care’s peer support service. The telephone service aims to quickly put you in touch with one of our trained peer supporters, who has had a personal experience of breast cancer. Our peer supporters are from diverse backgrounds and ages and have experienced different types of breast cancer and treatments. They are ready to listen, offer skilled emotional support and share their experiences and understanding.

For more information about these and our other support services available to you, please telephone our helpline on 0808 800 6000 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm).

I hope this helps

Best wishes
Lucy

Hi Horsemad … I can fully understand where you are coming from …my OH the same and has been since my dx last Oct .
If you want to PM me for a heart to heart feel free xxxx
Maz

ditto maz. Sorry hun but there are a lot of us out there. I’ve just separated from mine. Financially I know where you are coming from, and to be honest, that is now my only concern, it was def the right decision for me. Feel free to PM me also.

The BCC telephone support thingy is really good, it helped me greatly with coming to terms of losing my breast.

Good luck
Irene

Horsemad - i can empathise my OH exatly same - i dx in mar had mast and now finished 6 hemo waiting for rads… he doesnt disuss it - went to pub - we’ve had rows when i gotreally p****d off with oping with everything as normal including running house kids & working still…I have told him i might as well be on my own so theres your bags go… at the moment hes good… whether thats cos the worst bit i sover or hes getting used to it i dont know cos he never talks unless hes had a few.
I do feel that rather than pulling us closer its highlighted the cracks…but there we are Your not on your own this forum has been a godsend for me chatting wtth other puts things into perspective and you dont feel so alone.
Hope you manage to talk to someone - the first steps are the worst - the dx fidinf out about the treatment waiting for results ect…really plays on you…and is an extreme emotional time…
It does get easier I think…once you know where your at & where your going…just take it one step at a time…

take care

Leesha

Well have to say OH has pulled his socks up. Once I actually went in for the op he has been more supportive. Doesnt actually talk about it but is running round making tea, cooking etc. Not used to him being around much but his firm has signed him off until the end of the year! Dont know what is going to happen when treatment is over, will I still feel I want to leave . Its made me think about being alone and going through something like this. some of my friends have been really good, but they have their own lives to lead and you cant lean on them too much. Got cabin fever at the mo as not allowed to drive yet. Missing my horses though, routine gone to pot as not going up to look after them, realised you need something to make you get up in the morning.

Even though my OH and me have worked things through and are back together, I can’t forget his bad behaviour towards me during my recovery stage. Leading up to that he was brill, coming to apps with me and holding me when I cried for the lose of my breast, my lfe as I knew it and my worry that life was ending.

After this stage practical he wasn’t able to communicate his concerns and made me feel like he didn’t care. He had become disfunctional and still needs nudges to open up. It seems to be a man thing (I know this is a generalisation) and some OH’s are ace, sadly some are crap. Thank goodness for this site, and the ability to off load.

If it had’t been here, I would have been a wreak by now.

BC definately changes you and personally I have become much less tolerant of the moods. I think this is a normal reaction to a life threatening illness. I wish we hadn’t seperated, I wish I hadn’t got BC, I wish we hadn’t needed to ‘face’ things. But we did, it changed us and actually, I think it changed myself, maybe for the better.

What a journey!

Irene

Hi Horsemad

I was diagnosed with BC in May 07 - my husband who I had been with for 19 years didn’t handle this from day 1!! In August 07 half way through my Chemo when I was at my lowest he left and moved in with some woman he had just met!! I divorced him and have now met a gorgeous new bloke who is looking after me better than I have ever known!! I am just waiting for my reconstruction now and hopefully that will be the end of the journey.

All this has made me a much stronger person and my friends were absolutely great throughout everything. My only advise would be to think of yourself and make sure you put yourself first!! Good luck and I hope things go ok for you.

Anne

Hi Bubbly! Thanks for your good wishes. Yes Oh and me still together and I am very hopful, providing I remain strong and don’t allow him to slip back into his old ways!

Irene