Hello everyone. This is my first post on here.
I’m 34 years old and was diagnosed with grade 1 breast cancer about year and half ago now. I had mastectomy and full node clearance as I had 3 nodes infected. I then had chemo and radiotherapy. My husband has been my rock, we have been together for 18 years (met him when I was 16) but recently he has told me that he has fallen out of love with me. This is just out of the blue, it’s hard for me to understand as he has always been loving towards me. He said he was finding it hard to have sex with me to so went to a sec therapist who said he could be asexual. Then the therapist told him that maybe it could be he doesn’t love me no more! So since then that’s what he thinks he feels, even though he says he is confused and has no emotions. I then found out that he has been talking to an older lady (14 years older than me) he says they are just friends and nothing has happened between them. I just have to believe him. He has also moved out and says he just wants to live a life on his own for a while try and find
I’m so very sorry to hear what’s happening to you. This is my darkest fear that somehow, my diagnosis of breast cancer will affect my relationship. I’ve been with my partner (not married, living in sin!) for 14 years, I am 41. I was diagnosed a year ago, mastectomy, chemo, RT etc etc.
It’s tough on our boys too and there are, unfortunately, many stories of break ups after diagnosis. I thought we were alright with my mx and being uni-boobed but my partner recently admitted he was struggling with my new physical form. I understand that, so am I. He is also struggling with the baldness, the short hair (I always had long hair), so am I.
This diagnosis pushes both of you to the limit. There may have not been any obvious cracks in the relationship before but this will expose anything that might have been subclinical in his feelings.
There is no easy answer. I am so sorry. Keep talking, that’s the only advice I can give. I hope your rock comes home, if that’s what you want too.
xx
I am so sorry to read your message. I have terminal cancer of the breast (primary), then secondary cancers of the spine, liver and lungs. I am now married and am lucky with my husban as he stayed with me from day 1, as he was then my partner and proposed to me in hospital.
It was one of the things he asked me about was how was sex going to be. I have to admit I do find it hard and uncomfortable due to all that has happened to me and being dry down below. Paul and I do talk about things and if needed I seek advice through my Macmillan nurses. It is easy for us to advise as to what we think is best but it must be so hard for you to come to terms and wonder what has happend to the man you married.
Personally I think he needs a kick up the rear. You cant help what happened to you and he should feel ashamed at taking the route he has. Sex is not always easy for people in our situation and it sounds that the therapist he went to was a little strange to say what they said. Give him some space but dont dwell on it please. You are beautiful and sexy regardless of what your husband thinks. You deserve better and you have a friend here routing for you.
Hi, I havent posted on here for a while but your message has prompted me; my husband left me in November after 27 years of marriage, 6 months after DCIS diagnosis & breast surgery. I didn’t see it coming and was devastated, still am really. I still don’t really know why. My confidence was low enough given my deformed breast, being dumped has just floored me. There’s no real point to this, just needed to say it!!
I think he should
Be ashamed of himself and u may be better off without him ! That said that’s easy for me to say !!! I also worry about what my very supportive hubby is thinking and feeling! We’ve only had sed once since my dx in March he feels like he’s gone off it (he did when I was preg) but I find myself seeing girls with their big noobs and long blonde hair looking all
Sexy n there’s me bald with no boobs anyway but having chemo then op soon!!! Hiw ironic that my small boobs have bc !!! Rollercoaster of emotions constantly don’t help !! ?
Six months on from diagnosis of breast cancer Two ops , radiotherapy and now 10 years of Tamoxifen. All through this my husband has been absolutely useless, having affairs with at least two other women. Trying to keep everything together for my teenagers who have exams and uni finals. I go to appts alone now because he really doesn’t care. Wish I could afford to go it alone or win the lottery!! I have been so strong through all my treatment but struggling with the shock of his deceit and lies.
Shazzle how awful for you!!! I don’t know how a man can be so heartless and selfish ? really wish u could find someone to treat u with the respect u deserve!!! And Mrstonks!!! How strange my name is mrs Tonks too!!! Where do U live xxxx
Hi Girls
I really feel for the women who have posted here. These ‘men’ should be ashamed of themselves but BC has a habit of sorting out all the people who ate selfish in your life. I thought i had it bad. I’m 44 never married no kids and live alone. I also had to face BC on my own. You have made me feel that i’m not so alone in this. I can really relate to what you are saying. Love will come back to you. Well that gets me through. Also knowing i have an inner glow now that no one can take away. If you can get through BC you can get through anything life throws at you. Sending everyone of you a big hug xxxxx
Bravo! You are so right! We are lush beautiful women with a few scars. We all have scars but some don’t show. Rock on sexy women!